Monday 14th of August: It will be exactly six months since my beloved husband died suddenly and unexpectedly at home. It is also my late Mum’s birthday - she would be 96 years old. The number 14 is an important number in our life. We were married on the 14th of December, he died 14th of February this year and his funeral was on the 14th of March. I was always looking forward to August because my birthday (26th of August) was around the last Bank holiday and we always had plans for it. My husband would take a few days off and we had a lovely time together. This year I will be alone. I will get a few birthday cards from my German friends and maybe my friend, who lives nearby, will remember it. The last three days were already horrible for me again. Crying on and off and cannot see any future for myself on my own and have no energy to do anything. Hopefully, I will pull myself later on and hoover a bit. I also had a phone call from the mental health nurse and she forwarded my details to Mind Thurrock. I do not give up but it seems it is getting harder every day. Sending love and hugs to everyone.
I know how you feel @Annaessex.
I have both mine and my husband’s birthdays this month, and our wedding anniversary too.
Me too it has only been 9 weeks since he passed. It would have been our 36 wedding anniversary on 28th august. I am not looking forward to spenfing this day on my own but i dont have any choice than to stay home and think about that special day
I lost my mum, aged 90, middle of May. Tomorrow is my birthday “the glorious 12th” and I’m going to miss her terribly. I’ve been doing fairly ok, but I can feel the tears welling up today, just thinking about tomorrow with her not here.
For me it’s exactly 6 months today since Keef left me. Also it will be our 43rd wedding anniversary on the 30th. August was always a month of plans and fun like last year when we went on our last fabulous holiday to the Scottish Isles for 3 weeks, so I’ll get reminders of that soon which will bring up how he was fine on holiday and was gone within 5 months. I will celebrate/toast what would have been our special day later this month but the tears just won’t stop.
I know we were on holiday for his birthday on 27th April 2023 then suddenly no illness he passed on 8th June 2023.
We always went to tenerife for our anniversaries now i spend it alone in Scotland at home.
My life is do meaningless now and now special days are days of sadness reflection and very lonely too.
I can cope with crying but find eating alone sleeping alone i fact doing everything alone is so hard to deal with. Loneliness is such a horrible place to be x
I had never lived alone before and after seven months since I lost my husband, it isn’t getting any easier. I absolutely loathe it. The meaning has gone out of my life as I miss my husband so much.
I too can’t get used to living alone. It’s been 18 weeks for me and I am coping much better during the day. Coming home to an empty house is the worst. Don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.
Apart from staying with mum when i was a teenager. I have not stayed on my own before we were always together for 37 years. Like yourself we did everything together. Now its just me on my own now live is just hard only 9 weeks since he passed it is not getting easier it is so strange now i dont like this feeling. I know its lonely and everyone is feeling this too.
If only there was a way to take the pain away from everyone but not sure there is a way to do this.
We had just got back from wales this time last year and had such a fab time and then when we came back ! Wham … his illness started taking its toll ! Dont you just wish you could go back in a time machine 
so fed up today again ! Does it ever go this horrible feeling of emptiness … probably not ? Oh flipping joy !! X
Same with me … together for 37 years … not lived alone all that time …
.so sick of life at moment ! I have a constant urge to bloody run away from it all …just the nothingness in life ! Whats the bliming point ! I like to sleep then you cant feel the bloody pain can you xx
@Deb5 Ive had a terrible day well terrible few days as well.As you say Deb I wish I could also just push off somewhere ,anywhere but I think the desolation would go too.It really takes a tremendous effort to tackle each day.I had counselling today then afterwards crumbled.I was never alone 43 years with Zeki .
I hate the horrible life we have to endure
Hugs and love
Annx
I had bereavment counselling too today … its a funny one because you feel so good after but then it can make you feel worse too in a way as you realise how crap life is now … i was talking about my teenage years today and realised how hard they had been and how much i needed my husband’s love but actually i have not got it anymore … and thats what makes it a tough one !! Hope you feel better than me at moment but at least we can share our pain ! Another damn weekend with no love apart from my lovely puppy ! Who is also a bit naughty too … lol … but company for me ! I still want to move … i dont like it around here anymore … ;( they’re too damn miserable and its a village and they’re stuck in the dark ages … will get out of here one day i hope !! To a happier place where people arent so damn miserable! Mind u maybe its a british thing … not too sure but people are so awful these days ! Never bothered me when my husband was here as much … he was such an angel … im so lucky to have had him … not fair hes gone lifes not fair at all is it …
I have never lived alone. We were together for 50 years. I know today is going to be bad. Hardly slept again. I am so tired. Surely my body must say sleep soon.
@Deb5 you definitely need to move if the people around you are so miserable. The environment is obviously making you worse. I am sure I can’t have found all the wonderful people in the world. Next weekend my brother and his wife are going to do a 3 hour drive each way to spend a few hours with me. I agree another miserable weekend. I change care companies in Monday. I just hope the change over goes smoothly. I also hope my knee stops hurting at some point today. Xx
Yeh … theure a funny lot … very closed off … i will eventually ! Some are ok but some are funny buggers ! I think people are weird when they know you lost someone … their behaviour is bizarre … im going away in two weeks ! Cant wait to get away from some of the funny buggers around here … x
No i don’t suppose i have really as before i met my husband i shared a flat with some other girls ! Jeez its hard !! Its bloody awful . My 2 neighbours on each side of me are pretty good to me tbf , they knew my husband ! Its just the little things i miss like having a chat, doing stuff together, a cuddle and i cant move at moment cos i have no idea where to go …so for now im bloody stuck here … hopefully my life will open up a bit one day and i might get a break from this miserable existence !! Its hardly a life is it
No it’s isn’t much of a life. I feel as though I have a constant weight across my body. My knees hurt most of the time and I can’t live on pain killers. This constant feeling of loneliness and misery. The physical struggle to do the everyday things like the washing and putting the rubbish out. It is really starting to weigh in me. I may need to consider assisted living. I can at least look forward to my brothers visit next week. Hope the day improves for both of us xx
I so wish I could go back in time then I would have made him go to the doctors before it was too late and then perhaps he could have had some treatment for the cancer while he was still relatively fit. Unfortunately he was very stubborn and didn’t believe in “western medicine”, he was a druid, so thought he could sort everything out himself. Also I’ve never lived alone, well apart from about 6 weeks when I first went to University. It’s so very strange and people round here just don’t understand and of course it’s the weekend so let’s abandon Gail !!!
I don’t think it’s a life, it’s just an existence. Not good again this morning, At my age, I do wonder what the point is. I really worry about what is going to happen to me without my husband. It’s a scary thought.
Woke up crying as I had a vivid dream where I was screaming at the funeral director, pleading with him not to take my husband away. Obviously, that was because I went to the crematorium yesterday for my dad’s birthday.
Miserable Saturday looms again.
Sending hugs to everyone.