Awake and alone

The joint funeral for Steve my partner of 18 years and his mum who died just a few day’s later was last week. I’m not sleeping well. I can get through the day as work is crazy busy. But the evening is the worst and I wake up with the dogs sleeping next to me. E was so heavily sedated that I never had a proper goodbye. Our son seems to be coping better than I am but could be hiding how’s he’s feeling. I don’t know how to reach him. It would have been my mother in law’s birthday today.
I feel so flat, like I’m not really here, I’m just functioning, getting through each day until the next one starts. I’m angry, it wasn’t fair and shouldn’t have happened. A stupid freak accident and he’s gone. I can’t find an outlet for my anger. The grief comes in waves , if it wasn’t for our son I’d let it wash me away too. What is the point, you’re gone and I’m still here.

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You are in the early stages of grief my love . There are no rules to how these waves hit you . It’s the most awful time . I couldn’t sleep so I had nytol
and when I couldn’t take them my gp put me on mitazipine and that makes me sleep. In the early stages I had diazepam a bit . It is a very difficult time . I feel for you

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Jaxx1 I am so sorry for your loss. I am 8 weeks in since I lost my husband and as you can see from the time sleeping is a problem… I can’t give you a magic wand to make this better but talking on here has really helped me. The grief process is really tough( I hate the whole term) but it is something we have to go through. It is really early days for you and you are suffering a double loss. Please keep putting one foot in front of the other and know if you need someone to talk to we are here for you. This forum has literally saved me. My heart goes out to you. Your son sounds like a great kid but he will need you and you need him. Give it some time and anger is fine . I shout and cry when I am on my own. It has to come out somewhere. Sending you lovexxx

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We are all here to help each other, shout vent your anger and cry everyone is at different stages of the grief process and we learn by talking. Speak to your GP for any counselling they can offer. Take baby steps each day, and look after you and your son. X

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The anger is part of grief ! I was so angry ! But also had crap support too … and yeh the grief comes in waves and sometimes knocks you over :frowning: if youre in early stages its only natural as @Jol said … just keep riding them waves xxx

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Thank you everyone. It’s still so raw and I don’t know what to do with this loss. I see and feel it everywhere. I know I should give myself time and space but I don’t think I’m ready to face he’s never going to be here, my practical brain knows but emotionally, not yet. It is only a few weeks so it is very early. Having this community to share what I can’t with family is a godsend. I’m grateful I found you all. Please take care of yourselves and taking the time to reach out to me :heart:

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Yeh you do feel it dont you ? I can honestly say that i never had so much pain in my heart ! No wonder some older people pass away from what they call broken heart syndrome … it was my husbands birthday today and i felt that pain come back today … thought it had gone but oh no … back again ! Wishing he was here to protect me and the kids like he always did … but we have to try survive it dont we … you are in early days and dont think of him as gone … hes still there in your heart and memory. Keep hold of that - hold on to that very tightly …
You dont have to ever let that go !! xxx

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I’ve been prescribed them, they help me sleep but I’m not sure if they are affecting my mood, motivation during the day x

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Hell All,
I am new here… my husband passed of metastatic prostate cancer on Aug 17th and as you all, l riding them horrible waves… up and down up and down… l have no family or relatives to lean on… “just” a bunch of cats who don’t always feel like talking… tried to make it better by taking a whole pill of something called Miro, (what a name for such a pill!!) though my shrink recommended to begin with a half only… still feeling like a kite, bumping into things… can’t walk straight but sleep l did😬!!!

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Big hugs, it takes time how long who knows!! The support here is fab just keep talking :two_hearts:

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Thank you​:bouquet::pray: Still under the effects of this pill so l dread the awakening…

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I am so sorry :disappointed: keep reaching out. This community is full of love, support and advice. The shared experiences show we are not alone and do have people to turn to. You have all really helped me. :heart:

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See you all in the morning🌷

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Special days are extra hard. I’m dreading those ‘firsts’ to be honest. A virtual hug :hugs: from me to you so you know I am thinking of you x

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They are extra hard … didnt realise how hard today would be :frowning: thinking of him being here last year and just sharing my life with him … but he was getting poorly then so sad memories too … but you think i wouldve done anything just to keep him here a bit longer , beg, steal or borrow … i remember thinking i would sell everything i had in the world if i could just keep him here … :frowning: sad times xxx and thanks for virtual hug … my son gave me a really big, long hug tonight and i needed that xxx

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:heart: our sons are the best of both of us. Mine is the image of his dad. They keep us going xx stay in touch as I’d really like to know how you are doing xx

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I had a memory pop up on facebook and yesterday was my husbands 1st chemo session in October last year, he wrote on it to say how special I was and how I was supprting him and how I was the live of his life. Tears came as I remember the day like it was yesterday.
9 months later and he lost his fight, Its a cruel disease.

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It certainly is a cruel disease !! The worst ! But tell you what like so many have said to me why arent they progressing faster … they had milions and millions in funding ! Managed to find a jab for covid pretty quick though didnt they !!! Xx

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Yes but covid was just one disease. Cancer is in reality many. It’s got to be easier to battle a virus than mutated cells.

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No … because they had millions and it should be better to detect !!! It took them 2 months to detect my husbands cancer - they didnt even think he had cancer ! Ha !!! Covid was a new disease but they still managed to find a vaccination in 6 months !!! Cancer been around for decades !!!

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