I am 56. My husband died unexpectedly 7 weeks ago today. Totally broken.
Friends suggested a few days away. Time to rest, recharge & refocus.
Persuaded - So I find myself in a beautiful cottage in Hereford.
I am now grieving, lonely, isolated and separated from the familiarity of our home. I feel dreadful and can’t stop crying and want to vomit. Felt forced to try before my friends get fed up of me. But it is a disaster. I hate it. It just reminds me I am alone and that my amazing husband has gone. I just want to curl up and die. Why are they trying to convince me it will get better……it never will ……and I don’t want to act as if it has just to pacify them.
3 months after my husband passed away I drove down to visit my daughter (3 hours away) as she’d just had her first baby. It was horrendous, I booked a Travelodge for myself snd my other 4 kids. I felt awful, the whole time I was away. It was a massive realisation that my life had changed beyond recognition. As you say, it’s a combination of things, but being away from hone felt awful.
On a more positive note, I took the children away recently to a water park hotel and we had fun as it was a distraction. Obviously nothing is ever going to be totally the same but maybe in time it gets easier. Also the more you do something it becomes the new normal. Although I hate that expression. Xx
Well I didn’t either, some days for certain things I still don’t. I think it depends what mood we are in. I’m always in the mindset that it was perfect before and I didn’t realise just how, everything feels tainted now.
I put some easter decorations up and thought " why am I bothering?" It really is depressing.
I did something very similar
Had a booking for my partner for a weekend away at our favourite place in Suffolk where we’d been dozens of times, when she died just before Christmas 2020
I cancelled the booking to another date, then another, and another, until in April 2021 when I finally took the booking, and what a total disaster it was!
First, I got a speeding ticket on the way from a portable camera on the A14, arrived at the hotel we always stayed at and the receptionist said: ‘Is your partner coming later?’ as we lived some distance apart and they knew a lot about us, I cried (but did get a bottle of wine at dinner from them)
The next couple of days i visiting places we always did, sobbing at every one, should have come back on the Monday but left on Sunday morning after just one day
Had a few solo’s since and it does become a bit easier, still visit a favourite bench on the seafront at Southwold to relieve all the plans we hoped for, take care
Oh love, I am so sorry, it is absolutely hear tbreaking.
The year after my husband died our family persuaded me to book a holiday to Scotland for the week as they knew Peter and I loved Scotland. I booked a coach tour to Loch Lomond for a few days, as it got nearer and nearer I started to panic, I didn’t say anything to anyone, my case was packed, I had my money and credit cards, my travelling clothes were hung up and our youngest son offered to run me down to the coach station and wait with me until the coach set off.
We got to the coach station and I just burst into tears, I just could not get on that coach on my own, in all the 47 years we were married, we had never, ever had a holiday apart from each other, I told our son to tell the tour operator that I was ill and then went home again. I lost all my money but I wasn’t bothered, all I wanted to do was to get back to the safety of our home. I have never tried it on my own since.
Four Years after Peter died our two sons took me and our grandchildren to Devon for the week, I had my own room in a lovely hotel. I was given my room key and luckily the rooms were all on the same floor, I unlocked the door and went inside and sat down and cried, I had never been in an hotel room on my own before. Our son brought in my case and I put on a brave face and said the room was lovely. What did help that week was our three young grandchildren wanted to sleep in my room with me so we swapped rooms as our sons had put extra beds in their rooms for the children. I had company every night for the next week and I was fine and we had a lovely time.
I will never go on holiday on my own, if I can’t go with Peter or our sons the I will stay at home.
Hi there Angelalouisa
My husband and I travelled extensively. He loved every minute of it, but I wasn’t that keen. Now I have no inclination to bother with a holiday and can never quite see why people should think that it will cure all. We carry that grief with us wherever we go. Don’t let anyone talk you into doing something you don’t feel ready for. You will know when you are ready.
I had made up my mind to move house but when it came to it I couldn’t do it as I found I was clinging to what was familier and realised that nothing would change no matter where I was.
Please don’t give up though as you are in the very early days of grief. Those of us that have been travelling that road longer know that in time we do adapt to our loss and make a life for ourselves. We never forget and the tears can still come but we can have those happier moments once again.