Away with family

Away for a week with family beautiful house with large pool beautiful walks beaches etc. I did warn them I would have meltdowns 5 months on I feel worst than ever. His not with me here. I see couples walking joking sitting dining worst feelings ever hits home your on your own now no future with my husband. This is only a week away with my family we own a holiday home in Bulgaria went over at least 5 times a year how the hell am I going to face that without him

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It must be so daunting, if you were older your grief would still be the same but at least you would be thinking that you have to live a few more years without him, when you’re in your 50s you know that you probably have to live 20 and more years without him, that is a long time, how will you manage those 20 and more years, it must be so difficult, I am glad you managed to get away, you should be so proud of yourself, I know Mick would have been.

I think that I think omg I could live to 80 over 20 years without him his dad was 84 when he passed I thought Mick would be like him wasn’t to be. You feel guilty because your away I have laughed smiled here but thoughts are immense without him. My children 26 and 24 I think it’s done them good my daughter has her moments on the beach with 2 year old building sand castles last beach was with grandad building them for her. I hope your mom is ok as can be thank you for replying

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That’s just it, isn’t it, how will you manage 20 years when you struggle to manage 20 days, hopefully you will over time find the strength, our loved ones would always want us to remember them but will not want us to always be so sad, it is good you laughed a little, laughter is very good for our health and hopefully in time you will be able to laugh a bit more, as that is what Mick would have wanted.

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@Kim5 I am in the same situation. Losing a partner/husband/wife is so different to losing a parent and sometimes people just don’t understand that. I have lost both my parents and the grief I feel after John my husband died 10 weeks ago is off the scale compared to the grief I felt when my parents died. I also began to dread the years ahead and wonder how long before I was with him again. I think that can lead us to becoming depressed quite easily because it is impossible to imagine how we can go on like this for years and years. I think the best thing is to follow the advice of others who say just try to get through one day at a time and not look too far ahead. Sometimes your brain will not let you so I try to watch some TV, ring someone to talk to or something like that to stop myself becoming almost hysterical at the thought of it . I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that he is gone for ever and nothing I can do will bring him back. Be kind to yourself and I think you were incredibly brave to go on that holiday and it is no wonder you felt even more alone. No one can or will ever take their place. Our grief is more intense and overpowering because our love for them filled our world and they loved us so much didn’t they! Hang onto that for now. x

Thank you Johnswife I knew it would be hard but coming back to an empty house all weekend I felt all the emotions panic attacks returned again like you looking to the future I can’t bear xx Thank you for replying take care yourself x

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