Back in work but not myself

My mum passed away on 14 March 2022 and I returned to work last Thursday. Although everyone at work has been supportive I’m not myself and I know it sounds awful but I am struggling for motivation- and I’m fortunate that I have a job that’s stimulating and I love normally.

I find myself thinking of Mam all the time. Just missing her voice and wondering what she’d say or think about something. Now the distraction and blur of planning the funeral is over I find myself at a bit of a loss. I keep thinking I should be doing something for Mam but I’m not sure what.


Hi Ryan
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum.
I’m not surprised you don’t feel motivated at work, it been less than a month and it’s hard going back to work.
I was off work for 6 weeks before I went back after my husband died. I cried all the way to work, most people were supportive. But it was the staff that couldn’t look me in the face or the ones that totally avoided me because they didn’t know what to say.
Even now after being back 12 months I still struggle to get up in the morning, get dressed and force myself out the door. I had a performance management meeting the other day, my line manager asked me what my targets were. I was honest, and said to get through each day and retirement.
Don’t be hard on yourself, you mum is going to be constantly in your mind, she knows you love her.
I find keeping a memory box helps, and I’ve planted a tree in memory of my husband.
Give yourself time, and welcome to Sue Ryder, everyone on here is there for you, just keep posting especially when your down. :purple_heart:

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I should have mentioned, I have a daughter slightly older than you and a son slightly younger. They are both struggling in their own way with losing their dad. My son especially at the moment. He misses his dad good advice and chats.
Take care X

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Hi @Debbie57 so sorry to hear of your husband’s passing. And really well done too on going back to work and facing that struggle.

You’ve hit nail on the head when you talked about your son and husband - and missing his dad’s advice and valued opinion. For the funeral arranging I found that a massive distraction and I was able to do all that okay. Now I’m in more of a depressive type state the one person I want to talk with is my Mam… she was always be the person I’d turn to the most and although it sounds really selfish - and I’d probably never say it out loud - that’s the bit I am personally missing the most - her guidance. Which sounds just terrible because its thinking about what she would do for me rather than what I would do for her but i know that’s what she thought her role was.

The idea if a memory box is a great one. I have some stuff already and having it in one place would help.

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Hi @Ryan82

I totally understand what you mean about missing not having your mum for guidance. That’s exactly how I feel also. My mum was always the one person I turned to and spoke to about things. I miss her in all the other ways too but I do miss not being able to talk to her about things.

Sorry for your loss,

Nic x


Hi both, we all miss our mums, they are usually the first person we turn to when we are troubled they love us unconditionally and are always there no matter what. They teach us and guide you through life and give good advice. So where they are not it hits you hard. It’s going to take time.
Love to you both.
Debbie X X