Back To Day 1

Its 11 months since I unexpectedly lost my Beautiful wife, I have been through a few firsts and had some good and bad days since then just like we all have, I was dreading this time of the year coming round, but didn’t realise how bad it would be, I think I am feeling worse now than I did when it first happened, I start crying and getting emotional at the least little thing, I think it makes it worse as I think I am going to feel like this for the next couple of months because we Returned from our Xmas cruise on Hillary’s Birthday on the 4th Jan and Hilary passed away 3 days later on 7th Jan, then we had to wait until February 8th for her funeral, so as you can imagine I am dreading the next couple of months, I am trying really hard to control my emotions, but I am finding it very hard.Take Care Mickere x


Hello @mickere

I understand where you are as I have just had the 12 month anniversary of my husband passing. Like you say, it’s not just the day you lost them, but also the days/weeks leading up to & then the extended time afterwards. I tell myself every day that he is with me, but I felt like I had lost him all over again during Nov, I really struggled.

Take one day at a time, try not to look too far ahead. Go with your emotions, get them out, don’t bottle them up…it’s ok to not be ok. I made it through and slowly have a sense of calm returning, and a sense of him being with me again.

My thoughts are with you, take care. x


Hi BarnCat

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply, its much appreciated. Take Care Mickere

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Actually Mickere you have brought up a good point,
I couldn’t understand why I have felt so rotten and quite ill during October/November then I realised that these were the months that my husband was very ill and I was nursing him at home and then had to watch him die. I don’t mean to dwell on this terrible time but I think our minds/bodies must be programmed to remember but later I start to feel more relaxed again.
It is understandable that this time of the year will affect your mood and health and you are finding it very hard. Have patience and you will get through this awful time full of its memories.

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I am dreading this first Christmas without my husband who died in April. I find that I think every Thursday that is another week without him. On the 28th of the month I say another month has passed. I not only lost my husband the man but the minute he died my whole life changed. I grieve for him and everything we did. At this time we would have gone for a drive to look at the lights, gone shopping, Carol singing at church, doing Christmas things with the grandchildren etc.

I had said no decorations in the house etc. however I am so lucky compared to many as I have wonderful children and friends. My son has put up a tree and actually it is something that reminds me of our Christmas together my husband loved the decorations.

Friends do say if you need anything we are here, but I don’t like to ask. I have a dog and take her for a walk. I am not particularly a doggy person but I have to get up go out for her. People do say hello if nothing else.

Grief is such a complicated emotion and none of us knows when or how it will affect us. We all just have to try and live with it and get through each day. Again this time of year not only is Christmas but the shorter days. Less light. Curtains closed so early longer evenings but on a positive note we are nearly at the shortest day so the days will start to get longer. I try to find a positive and something I am grateful for. Like the 42 years of marriage to my wonderful clever husband x Remember grief is there because we loved x

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That’s exactly how I am. Robin died last Xmas but started going downhill in October. During the late summer I was doing not too badly and then early November felt awful again. Thought it was just the dark days and awful weather but knew I was just going over in my mind last year’s events. When I look in my diary I see reference to what happened. Guess it’s only natural to reflect on past events. Horrible feelings though but hopefully better days ahead.

Tommrow is a year since i lost my dad, it’s going to be a tough day, i have no grave to visit as i took my dad’s ashes back to Scotland and as it was what I promised him i would do, i think about him every day, it’s the not hearing the sound of his voice i miss, i spoke to him every day as he lived a 4hr journey away, we saw each other a couple of times a year, he would always come to visit just before Christmas, do we ever got over a broken heart or just learn to live with it, :broken_heart: