Back to work

Hi can anybody help my wife passed away on Dec14 I have been off work since then I have had a rough time,but I now have to return to work on Monday any advice on how to cope thanks

Going back to work will be hard especially if you have not seen your workmates since your wife passed. Everyone wants to say how sorry they are and although they mean well it’s hard for you to listen to when you are heart broken but once you get the initial first meeting with them over with it will be easier from then on. I hate bumping into folk I have not seen yet as they want to tell you they feel for you which is nice but makes me end up crying :sob: every time. I feel like shouting ‘dont mention it’ as I can cope then. I had my check up at the Dentist yesterday and my husband went to the same one so that was hard as the receptionist, dentist and dental nurse all ended up in tears cuddling me. I then had to go into M&S with streaky mascara and snot all over my face :roll_eyes: not a good look. You will be fine on Monday I will be thinking about you :+1: let me know how it goes.
V xx

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Thaks MrsColt I will let you know how I get on thanks for your support for the past four weeks

You are welcome Peter30 helping you actually helps me :+1:

I went back to work 2 weeks after Clive’s funeral which was probably too soon but I needed to get out of the house because I found myself reaching for the wine at 10 o’clock in the morning! I knew I had to get some structure back into my life.

My employers allowed me to do a phased return, so the first week I was in for 2 hours a day, the next week I was in for 3 hours, and so on, until I was back working full time. It really helped to know that I only had to keep it together for short periods. It also helped me to get back into the routine of get up, shower, clean teeth, put on clean clothes, which I’m afraid hadn’t been happening prior to going back to work but you can’t go into work unwashed and stinky can you?:face_with_hand_over_mouth:

Maybe you could speak to your employer about something similar?

Good luck for Monday - I’ll be in hospital having my gallbladder yanked but I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it all goes as well as it can for you.

Hi Peter
It is very soon for you to return to work - I could not even think about if for nearly three months. Before that my doctor signed me off as she knew I could not cope - so if you cannot handle it when you go back go and see your doctor who will sign you off as grief is such a large part of mental health and employers are now very aware that this needs to be taken seriously. However just a couple of things that I have found useful as I am now back fully employed and it has been my saviour - but I am one of those people who find it better if I am busy. Firstly if you can ask your boss to brief colleagues beforehand how you want them to greet you -sympathy I knew would just reduce me to tears so I asked them to ask simply how are you - I could then just answer as to be expected - and depending on who asks you can answer truthfully or give a non committal response. Secondly dont be afraid of saying if something is too much for you to take on - people forget very quickly and sometimes you have to remind them - I am not strong enough to deal with extra stress or responsibilities. The journey to and from work was one of the hardest things for me and still is - especially as my husband died suddenly and with no warning whilst I was at work. I find myself driving a different route - and dont have music on in the car - find someone talking. And lastly the empty house when you come home is awful - leave a radio on LBC or another chat show fairly loud so there is not that silence when you walk through the door. Little things but I hope they will help you. I had to take myself to the ladies the other day when everyone was talking about holidays - and when and what would I be doing - they did not understand so had to just walk out. Good luck and if you need to talk about it again, please let me know. Trisha xx

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I forgot to say in earlier post that I bought three light timers, they’re set to turn the light on at 4.30 so I never have to walk into a dark house - it’s only a little thing but it makes a big difference.

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Hi peter my long term partner passed away in may and I returned to work in july. I still find it difficult sometimes and other times ok. Its like a roller coaster up and down. I have been off sick this weekend with a bad back and also feeling very low in myself. It is very physical and demanding work and I am 67. If you don’t feel up to it why not get some more time off. Nobody can really answer your question as we are all different. When I went back they said to just try it to see how I got on. Whenever you go back I think you will question whether its the right time or not as I couldn’t make up my mind whether to retire or not. But what would I do without work. Take care and i’m sure you will make the right decision whatever it is. Janet x

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Hi Peter30 just wondering how it went today? Been thinking about you and hoping everything went ok for you :+1:

Hi MrsColt thanks for your thoughts,I’ve just got home as I do sales on the road most of the day.Its been a strange day I’ve been alright when with people but sad and feeling low when traveling and to be honest I wanted to come home a couple of times but I knew I had to continue and battle home now and the first thing I done was to say hello to my wife who’s ashes I’ve put on the mantle piece but again thank you for your message it really was appreciated that someone was thinking of me

I am glad thats your first day back over with, it is always the worst but you did it. I think you are similar to me in that taking more time off only prolongs the inevitable, nothing is going to change your situation now so why not just soldier on and get it done. Obviously I know a lot of folk can’t cope with returning to work and need longer to adjust and we all have different ways of doing things and coping. Well done you I am sure your lovely wife is so proud of what you achieved today.

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Well done and I always call out ‘Hello darling I’m home’ when I come into the empty house. Just like I always did. Skywise is right - leaving lights to come on helps too. And don’t expect too much of yourself - give yourself some slack and some credit. I have been doing well at work - and then had a complete meltdown today when just a bit too much work was thrown my way. I got over it - but it reminded me and others that I am not the same person . Good luck for the rest of the week and let us know how it goes xxx

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