Back to work

The time has come when I must take a deep breath and go back to work. Whether or not I’m ready, we shall see but I feel that maybe the time is right.

My wonderful husband passed away 2 months ago, only 2 and a half weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. The past few weeks have been hell, not only trying to process the shock and grief but all the practical things like sorting out bank accounts etc.

I was dreading my first Christmas without him, especially as it came so soon after him passing but realised today that it was actually a distraction and “normality” is far worse.

Today I ironed my work clothes and got my bag ready as I would on any other Sunday but today he was not here watching his daft tv programmes and talking to me about what jobs he’d got on this week. It broke my heart all over again. I could take more time off but don’t think I will ever be more ready. I just have to do it. I also have to prove to myself that I can do it. I have amazing colleagues who will look after me if I have a wobble and as I work in a school we are all going back at the same time which makes it easier.

So, it’s up early, deep breaths and plenty of tissues at the ready.

I’m finding work a welcome escape - just getting on with what needs to be done. It’s when I’m home that’s hard; programmes we would’ve watched together, meals we would have enjoyed…and the emptyness of not having someone there at my side☹️

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Hi Mumma J, I am going back in to work tomorrow as well. My lovely George died on the 29 November and I am going to give work a try and see how I go. I tried on my work trousers today and have lost so much weight since George began to be ill that they just hung off me. I have found 1 pair that don’t look too bad but I think some new one are required and I don’t feel like shopping either. I hate weekends now, we had such a routine and Saturday in particular was ‘our’ time. George had retired and was always there to wave me off in the morning and was here when I got home at night. I always telephoned him at 11am every morning to check how he was and often in the afternoon as well. I feel really nervous about tomorrow and like you I think I will need plenty of tissues. Good luck xx

Good luck to you too Debra. Phil worked away a lot but then had periods of time at home and when he was home I’d call him at lunchtime to let him know what there was for lunch. I think I might work through lunch tomorrow or go for a walk to the shop instead. It’s all the little personal things we did with our partners that makes it so hard.
X

I lost my brave beautiful girl to cancer in November and I too am returning to work tomorrow. In the six months I have taken off to care for her my life has changed unimaginably ,we managed to get married three days before she passed which was so bittersweet. I’m hoping work will help fill the big empty space which is now my world .
I’ve not had the guts to write anything before but have been reading posts to see if it helps me and yours tonight jumped out at me x

Oh bless you, it’s so hard isn’t it? It’s lovely (not the right word but I hope you know what I mean) that you were married before she passed. Our lives will never be the same but we are still here and we have to move forward and going back to work is part of that for some of us.

I wish you good luck for tomorrow and will be thinking of all the brave people on here who are taking that next step tomorrow. Xx

Well that’s the first day back at work done. Another “first” done and survived. As with a lot of things, I’ve found the anticipation is worse than the actual event.

I’ll admit it wasn’t easy. I cried on the drive in and then when I got there but I threw myself into it and started reading the 761 emails that were waiting in my inbox. I found it easier to keep on working when everyone was chatting about their christmases and I’m definitely a bit less tolerant than I used to be but I didn’t shout at anyone or dissolve into a blubbering mess in front of the Principal so I consider that an achievement.

I hope all you other brave people on here managed to get through today too x

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Yep your so right . Another first done and ticked off the list . I actually think everyone was more scared to see me than I them.
I did find that my concentration did wane after lunch but I feel guilty writing this , but I enjoyed the day being with people and not an endless stretch of day and night on my own.

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So Sorry for your recent loss, my husband passed away 7 months ago, 36 hours after i was told further tests revealed he’d a malignancy, I am self employed and I still cannot face resuming work, brings an accountant it is now a matter of urgency I apply myself. For years Alan wanted me to retire, I am semi-retired at present and have now decided to retire completely. My heart is not in my work anymore and if I’m to be honest I.cannot handle the pressure of work. I hope your first day back was as good as it could possibly be and I send you blessings and hugs to help you through any tough moments

Thank you for your kind wishes.

I think it’s important that we do what feels right for us and I hope that you can find some enjoyment and contentment in your retirement. X

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I hope everyone’s first day went well. Mine was not too bad, but feel really tired tonight. I did manage to negotiate working from home in the afternoons until at least the summer so I don’t have to worry about my little dog so much because she tends to sleep in the mornings anyway xx

Debra, well done you, that will be a relief for you and will give the right balance of work and time to grieve. Wee Poppy will be pleased too. Hope you sleep well knowing George will be proud of you. Cx

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So I’ve managed to get through the first 2 weeks back at work. It was absolutely exhausting. On the up side, it was good to see friends and colleagues and they were all so supportive and kind. It also made me get back into a daily routine. I had a real bad day on Tuesday when I cried all the way to work, again when I got there and sobbed my heart out when I got home. I think it was the reality that this was it. No one to phone at lunchtime, no one waiting on the doorstep when I got home with our Jack Russell tucked under his arm or no evening FaceTime call when he was away.

This is the new normal and I have to adapt and learn to live with it.

I hope all of you who have also gone back to work have also managed to find your new normal x

Thank you, last Thursday was particularly horrific, meltdown upon meltdown. Ended up throwing my mobile at the wall, just as well I didn’t have a hammer to hand otherwise it would have gone through the pc. Couldn’t even cope with taking Winston and Ada for a walk either. Thankfully, today has been quite peaceful, although was dreading it, today is 8 months to the day and date of Alan’s passing, I’ve spent it at home all day, not ventured out, not phoned anyone, it has been as right as it could be, and I’m truly grateful to spending a calm and serene day on my own talking to Alan and feeling a huge comfort,

If this makes sense.

I have been doing a bit of work, bit of cleaning, been up in the loft, and generally pottered about the house. Taking a break after having some homemade rustic vegetable soup, shall be resuming some work presently, Ada, my pug pup, is staying at our daughter’s until tomorrow morning when she’ll be bringing her back along with Winston, our daughter’s pug.

Blessings ☆

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