It’s the same for me too Norma. I go out almost every day but the grief is still there. Even tho I have friends there’s no one that I can truly confide in, share thoughts, etc. etc.
Thinking of you, Norma. X
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Anno16
I feel the same as you.
Coming up 3 years for me and the sadness and loneliness is with me every day.
I do things, in fact I do things to stop me thinking for a brief time.
Someone posted once the weekends are bad but so are the week days.
Whatever experience we have had losing our soulmates. We all understand how we feel.
Take care. 
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I have those days a lot. I’m 2 yrs. and 4 months in. When things go right, I’m actually amazed. If it isn’t the car, something in the house, the yard, the dentist, etc…There is no buffer without your spouse that can shield and take in some of it, so the aloneness hits hard in my opinion. I’m strongly independent, but not super woman.
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I’m eight months into the grief journey and I miss my lovely partner so much. Our home was originally his so he carried on with paying the bills, organised the repairs, sorted the garden etc. I’ve had to take on everything and it’s scary, even trying to work out which battery fits the power tools is daunting. I suppose I was spoiled but that’s just how things were. thankfully I received half of his NHS pension otherwise I would have to move. He only got two payments from his state pension. The last one two days after he died. They sent a demand almost immediately for repayment. He paid in so much tax all his life. Never got the benefit.
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Sad that he didn’t get much of his pension. There’s so much to sort out after. We get Soc Sec here (paid through our wages over years) and after a death, you can take either yours or your spouses, which ever is highest so I took his. We get Medicare after 65 for medical so I just qualified and secondary you have to pay for, covers stuff Medicare doesn’t. But, we have copays and deductibles here which can add up. Dental is separate and pharm plans are, too. It’s crazy.
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Hello I don’t qualify for my husbands social security until im 60. 2 more years, and still waiting to hear back from his pension, living off my savings won’t last me forever 
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Yes, age 60, but they cut it. You have to do what you have to though. I hope his pension goes through for you well. It’s all so stressful. No one gets how bad till they go through it, so many levels of difficult.
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It’s difficult to be really honest with family and friends about your emotions especially the really dark ones. You don’t want to worry them and you know they don’t really understand how you feel. I went out for a meal last night with two friends, then back to mine for coffee. It did lift my spirits a bit but as soon as I wakened this morning I felt it was going to be a bad day. My gardener hasn’t turned up again, hasn’t texted or phoned. I really can’t do the heavy work myself and the grass and hedges need cutting. Nothing is ever straightforward now since my partner died eight months ago.
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I’ve had a few times where my yard/lawn guy didn’t show and I had a panic attack almost. I can’t do the heavy work either. Some work I can do, but I have tons of trees and the leaves fall from Sept-early Dec. You can’t bag over 100 bags though. He will mulch and wrap that around the trunks and I bag in between.
My husband wasn’t doing well the last year, but I don’t think he wanted me to really know that. He would never ask me to even help him outside. He was like that, still cooking for me, too. In retrospect, he was trying to not upset or stress me more than he already knew I was.
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Hi cookie
I know how you feel i have them.days too my husband disabled fro 22yrs but could still talk to you through anything that needed doing now they are not here its so hard without that voice of encouragement and them saying your doing a great job just take a breath so thats what we need to do now take a breath and everything will be ok you are doing a great job just think of him telling you that ok keep up the good work we all have these days .
Sweetlady
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Oh Lucy,
while they were with us, there still was a purpose… I completely agree!
Janka
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I don’t get any retirement after my most beloved husband. I’m an immigrant and they treat me here that way. It’d be easier in Europe as we are a part of EU. But who cares in USA? That’s why I started working hard to save my home…
Janka
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Everything can be scary. Yes, who cares in the US. I say this everyday. I decreased my medigap already (one year) because the premium went up. In one yr. and not having used it. Insurance companies. Dental doesn’t cover a lot, changing policies in Jan. Always something to stress about.
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