Bad day.

Yesterday my son and his wife came over and we started sorting out Enid’s stuff. It has to be done, but it upset me more than I expected. They and the children are so jolly, I feel totally apart from them. I couldn’t stand it, so I went a walk in the garden, and there were the snowdrops that she planted just coming up. She so loved her flowers, and it broke my heart. They are all sympathetic, but they don’t understand. Today, on my own again, I feel that there’s no point. All I want is Enid, but I know I can’t have her, ever. They think I can cope, Dad always copes, I coped when my first wife had a mental breakdown, I coped when she had cancer, I coped when she died, I coped when I had cancer, I coped when Enid was ill. But I can’t cope now. it’s not getting any better. Can I put up with this for the rest of my life?
Malcolm.

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Malcolm, a friend gave me a beautiful piece of glass art yesterday with snowdrops on. And she explained to me they are a sign of Hope after the dark days of Winter. I was in floods of tears but you know today I look at this little piece and take great comfort from it. Go visit the snowdrops today and tell Enid you have got her message. To hear that you have been through this nightmare before breaks my heart. No human heart should ever have to suffer like this. But here you are with the rest of us searching for answers and supporting each other. Donna x

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Hello Malcolm

I have no words to take your pain away but I do know the despair you feel. I just want to give you a big hug. How long ago did Enid pass? Can you talk openly to your family about how you are feeling? Perhaps they are trying to be as normal around you to try and keep your spirits up? I have just posted on here about the recent loss of my 20 year old son, I know my husband (Connors Stepdad) tries to keep everything normal for me which sometimes makes me think he isn’t feeling the pain but I know hes being strong to carry me through this pain. Embrace your family, I have no other children so no grandchildren for me. x

Marina x

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Dear Malcolm ,
I am so sad for you . It does help to write how you are feeling down .I have only come to this site a week ago and have had some very understanding emails . You have been through this once before . you will survive .maybe see if you can join a club to get you out of the house . Also have you spoken to your Dr . I am sure he can help you if only in a small way .
For me Sunday is my worst day and so I came to this site again . Like you I am feeling I do not want to go on without my Wonderful Husband . We are not the only ones everyone here is suffering just know that we are grieving for and with you .

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Hi Malcolm i hope your having a better day today i cant and wont tackle things head on ive no support from loved ones .Legal stuff ill do the rest can whistle in my book .Im not suggesting you do like me maybe the way ive put it might be of help .pms are open to you and anybody else do feel free to use it Big hug Colin

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Thanks Donna, Marina, Janice and Colin for your replies and sympathy. I feel that here in this group I am in contact with people who truly understand, and who I feel I can regard as friends, even though we know little of one another, but are united in our common loss of dear ones. Feel free, all of you, to keep in touch, and send private messages if you wish. This morning, I was so depressed and alone, but your messages have lifted me a little.
Malcolm.

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Sorry to read of your distress Malcolm, that’s a lot that you have dealt with. Even after 16 weeks I am utterly distraught at the loss of my Husband from CHF leading to cardiac arrest. I can’t let go of the trauma and I am just “waiting”. Waiting for what though. It’s like living in limbo. I always seem to be moaning on this site and have cried more this week than ever before. I am disappointed when I wake up every day and too think what is the point. I grieve for my Husband for what he has lost. He loved life and has been denied the chance to live and be happy. I
suppose what I am trying to say is that although I can’t offer positivity, I can offer sincere empathy and warmest wishes to you.

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Thank you Tina, and all of you. I have received no sympathy from people I would have expected it from, and lots of sympathy from people on this group who are total strangers. I wish I could meet you all and thank you in person. Please keep in touch, you do help a lonely old man.
love, Malcolm.

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Hi Malcolm this boat we are all in gets bigger and bigger .But the wonderful thing is we never throw anyone overboard lol.The happy people think buying clothes going on holiday etc miraculiously vanishes all the pain (we wish bjut we know its impossible )1 day my friend i will hold to that want of meeting up thasts a promise .As yorkshire men say take care me old mucker Colin

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Hi Malcolm I’m so sorry for your loss & for the despair you are in. I know how you feel regarding the snowdrops , I planted daffodils & tulips in Autumn & the sight of them poking up through the soil makes me so sad that my lovely Terry will never see them.
It’s 9 weeks today since he passed, 3 weeks after a car accident on our holiday. There seems no point in anything anymore.

The site is full of lovely people who are as sad & lost as we are so keep on coming back for the love & support it is comforting & we all care.

Love Sue X

Dear Malcolm ,
I do hope you have a better day today . I always find Sunday .so hard . It was always such a special day with Peter . I still love and miss him so much . I lost him to Colon cancer 16 months ago . I wonder how I have got this far without him . It has hurt every single day …
I am going to a zumba class I joined this morning . I look forward to it . It was very hard at first but everyone was really understanding . If I am down they hug me . It is amazing how that helps .
Can you find a club of some kind ? Maybe look in your Library even if you are not so keen on. it . or even evening classes maybe a language ?
I am giving you a hug in my heart .
Take care . We are thinking and caring about you
Janice

Hi Malcolm,

Another one saying hope you have had a better day today. It is so hard when people are cheerful around you, i feel as if i am in a parallel universe at times. The neighbour who asked how i was getting on yesterday, i felt like shouting ‘how do you think you fool’. I tell myself they don’t know but surely must see the light on until 2.30am some nights when i can’t sleep.

The turning of the seasons is so hard, first daffodils in the shops last week. Brought a bunch for Mum even though it will be me who enjoys them this year. It is so hard sometimes.

Mel

I so agree Mel with the sadness the changing of the seasons brings. Its just another reminder of the fact that we are experiencing things that they should be too and that time is progressing. It breaks our heart I know. It is like being in a parallel universe, like some kind of a Twilight zone. Warmest regards Mel.

Thanks Tina and Mel, in fact thanks to all who have been in touch. I am not a terribly sociable person, and most of my few friends have either passed on or are many miles away. I find the loneliness upsetting. I must make an effort, in fact I am going to a hospice bereavement group on Friday, but as it is run by social workers I don’t hold out too much hope. i think that only those who have experienced loss can have true empathy. It can’t be taught by a course or from a book.
Malcolm.

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