Bad Day

Can’t stop crying today why do people think you are ok after only a few months of loosing my wonderful precious husband,I don’t complain,I don’t bother anyone and yet there is no one there when you need them.I thought I was doing OK but the last few days I have gone back to bed for most of the day.Maybe it’s because I dont bother any one that’s the problem.my heart is broken like all of you on here and I don’t know what to do about it

Debbie I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad again as you have been sounding so much better and positive recently. It must be one of those “waves” they talk about. I feel my family think I should be “better” after 4 months but that’s far from reality isn’t it, I cry invisible tears as I feel I am becoming a burden, that’s not a good situation. Take care and I hope you manage a better day tomorrow. Warmest regards.

Debbie I’m so sorry you are feeling so bad again as you have been sounding so much better and positive recently. It must be one of those “waves” they talk about. I feel my family think I should be “better” after 4 months but that’s far from reality isn’t it, I cry invisible tears as I feel I am becoming a burden, that’s not a good situation. Take care and I hope you manage a better day tomorrow. Warmest regards.

Hi Debbie

So sorry to read this. It really is so unpredictable how we are from day to day, week to week. I have spent the last few days with permanent tears in my eyes with the waterfall beginning as i get home from work. Those on here feel it because they cared so much for their loved ones. Not a crime but something we should be proud of.

I can only send you hugs and hope the weekend is better for you.

Mel.
Xx

Thank you Tina, so did I think that,I just can’t believe that this has happened and no family visitors since Christmas apart from my daughters whom I’m grateful for and my best friendl, i think maybe they are hiding In there own grieve we shall see.I hope are managing to get out a bit more but I suppose it is hard with your mum at her age.I send you a hug Look after yourself.

Thanks Debbie.

Thank you Mel.Yes that’s true what you said regards our loved ones,but when I start I can’t seem to stop and and I end up nearly hysterical, yes it’s all part of it I guess.Thanks for your concern. take care

My Daughter said if I take an overdose I will end up brain damaged or liver/kidney problems is this true

I’ve had enough now I don’t want a future having to make the most of it its too hard and I’m tired

Debbie - How are you right now? I believe most people don’t die from overdoses right away but slowly and painfully as a result of kjdney/liver damage, don’t know about brain damage. Can you ring your Drs out of hours service or 111 or go to to Casualty. Please ring someone. Come back to the site to tell us if you are feeling any better.

Sorry Debbie that was a bit of an insensitive comment about the overdose effect, I was just trying to answer your question from the earlier post - with clumsiness. If you feel urgently bad please ring someone. Although I know the Samaritans are there for the distressed ( I regularly emailed them when Dennis was ill and afterwards ), there are times when only trained professionals will do. Please take care.

Sorry Tina no point in ringing doctors what can they do I don’t mean to upset you I just don’t understand why family of all people don’t understand us, tried to explain today to my daughter how I feel, it just keeps coming back to my attitude even from my sister.I have tried to be positive and get out and about they don’t realise how hard this is to do I just want everything to stop.

Seconding Tina Debbie, please do not suffer like this and give someone a ring. Samaritans tonight and get to see your Doctor on Monday as a matter of urgency. I really feel for you as have had the most terrible weeping jags myself and almost made myself sick at times.

I don’t know much about the effects of overdoses but did have a friend in my teens who tried this and the hospital were horrible to her. Stomach pumping i was told not not the half of it.

Mel

I’m sorry Debbie you sounded to be immediately in danger. I couldn’t leave the site wondering if you were OK so I emailed Priscilla to say I was concerned - hope you are not mad about that. I agree, they don’t understand as I experience that for myself. It makes it even more lonely. Our situation doesn’t seem to be on their radar, especially when they are caught up with their families and partners. I don’t confide in my family as to be honest if they knew what my mind was like they would be horrified. This is the hardest thing ever isn’t it. Again, I’m sorry if I overreacted but I was just concerned for you.

Hi Debbie

Cross posted. You sound a bit better which is good. I too was very worried, mainly as i have dabbled with the idea of overdoses ever since i was 16 years old. Then for what seem very minor teenage anxieties such as fancying someone who didn’t know i existed. Now because of Mum, bully sister, worrying about my future. What keeps me going is a very dear fiend sitting me down and not knowing of my feelings telling me exactly how many people loved me and wanted to see me better.

I will no doubt not sleep tonight and will keep coming back to check you are OK so message me if all too much.

Mel

Hi Skylark,
I am so sorry to hear of your problems. Although your daughter’s remarks may sound insensitive but an overdose can result in such problems. Someone I know who followed this drastic action ended up in A &E after being found covered in his own faeces, vomit and urine after passing out due to his overdose…he found that the most humiliating of things especially since he is rather fastidious about hygiene and cleanliness. I don’t think you want to go down that avenue?! My friend now in his late 40’s has long term health issues to contend with due to such actions and his quality of life has declined. Please follow Tina’s advice about this…It would be advisable to contact someone about your feelings either 111 or contact the Samaritans–I used to be one of them eons ago–and they will provide a good listening ear to your worries, fears and concerns…even if you want to phone and blub or rant they will listen. You need a voice to listen to you and support you through this time.
Please call someone and talk about this especially when you find yourself in the early hours of the morning despairing and exhausted.
I find that I am tired beyond belief, constantly in ears or raging internally…I am talking away to myself all the time in the privacy of my own home…and I find the week-ends never ending and despairingly lonely. I have thought of ending it all as well…The idea of another 30 odd years of such isolation, grief and despair is far too much to take…please stay well and talk to someone about this. Could you call your GP on Monday? Ok they may provide you with a different antidepressant, and they take time to work, or increase your dosage if you are already on them, but please don’t follow such thoughts through…
Dave

Hi Debbie my heart goes out to you 4 months is nothing your nightmare is still very raw .Youll find some kind of peace whenever .The more people try to help that dont understand the more youll retreat in emotional turmoil .The words you dont understand they wont admit but keep on saying the truth .Dont be bullied into doing things to please others .I shut myself away and treat myself .The phrase im only trying to help .The answer i give is listen then and do as i ask or leaver me alone .Ive told my stepson you do your thing ill do mine .Your nightmare they dont really want to be part of all the time .So take more time out for you dont look to the future .Treat each day as it comes (im 10 months in and still go day by day ) Massive hugs Colin (theres people on here that understand and care )

Sorry Tina and to everyone else who repled to me.I’m sorry if I worried you all as you are the last people I would want to hurt.I am not a nutty weird person but I think the grief is changing me I have been trying to stay so positive ,I think I’m worn out by it all So sorry I upset you all its not normally like me I hope will still speak on here to me

Hi Skylark
you are far from being a nutty, weird, person that is guaranteed. It sounds as though you are going through your own private hell. Grief is a private and universal thing in which we will all go through it but live with it (I won’t say cope) in our private way…I think I am on a similar pathway to you…this is so exhausting, not eating properly, sleep is now a pleasure, since I find it difficult to rest at night…my mind is in a whorl…I have tried the deep relaxing therapy to a varying degree…I don’t want to slip into pills since they can become addictive, and as a result I become even more confused by everything and that includes becoming tearful (3 times today)…phew everything is awkward, tiring and isolating. Suicidal thought are there, especially when I am feeling more anxious and tired out. It is also lonely and frightening at present.
is there anyone you trust that you can sit down with and talk to? Do you have a night time routine or could you suggest something to help wind down?
Don’t worry about us here…we are all for you so take good care.
Dave

Hi Debbie

Good to see you back here again. No you are not wierd or nutty at all. That is what this forum and everyone here is for, to off load to if all too much.

Being worn out is something we all empathise with i think, sleep is now a luxury that doesn’t happen for long enough.

I am finding the whole grief thing runs in circles, i am way back where i was months ago. Shambling along and starting to drink too much again.

You take care and keep up with the jigsaws.

Mel

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