Pain in my heart is intense today and one thought away from tears constantly. This good weather is getting to me in a big way. Feeling really low. Met a friend in Liverpool City Centre…its bouncing with happy people. We used to live in an apartment in the City Centre. Shouldn’t have gone. Hope everyone is having as good a day as you can…I feel terrible 
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we seem to get those kind of days. it seems to be something that just hits you out the blue. all I can say is I understand and feel for you, hoping you’ll have a less bad day tomorrow
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@UnityMan
I think the good weather appears to have affected quite a few of us, myself included. It’s another reminder and a first summer for some of us that they are not here to enjoy it. It was also a very long, cold winter and we all look forward to the spring/summer. People are more vibrant in the summer and planning holidays, weekends away etc, another stark reminder we are alone.
You did however manage to meet your friend so that was a positive step forward, all these steps are hard but it shows however small they are, we are making some progress. All we can do is build on that and allow the bad days to wash over us. Hopefully tomorrow will be better
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@Sarlyn
That is very true what you have said about the good weather affecting us.
I lost my lovely husband at the end of October last year. The days were short and very cold so it was a good excuse to stay hidden away indoors. Now the longer days have arrived and the sunshine and warmth are here it is time to go outside again, but I don’t want to. I am maintaining the garden, which was my husbands pride and joy ,but you said it is a reminder that he is not here to enjoy it and also enjoy the summer.
I suppose it’s another “1st” we have to endure. I know it will get easier but the journey is so very hard and painful. xx
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@UnityMan sorry your struggling today. I think the nice weather definitely makes it worse. I have had a lot of bad days recently too (not that any are good). Hoping better days are coming for us all
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Dear @UnityMan
I too am really sorry you had a bad day today. It’s horrible for you.
All we can hope for you is that tomorrow is just a tiny bit less painful.
I had to go to hospital today for a preassessment on finger operation I have to have to remove two cysts.
Horrid to do it with out support of my husband, and no one at home to tell about it. ( The appointment in middle of day- so work before and after)
And some questions which just bring home again the fact that I’m all alone
Who is your next of kin? (Had to put my best friend)
Is there an adult to collect you and stay with you at home after ? ( only day surgery but under general anaesthetic)
I lie and say yes…my friend will collect me, but I’ll be alone over night ( same as every night)
And maybe the worst for me…are you a carer? I was full time carer to my husband for last few years…I just said …not anymore…
Hugs to you all 
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I totally get that…I have had one cataract op…was due to have the second done in Feb…just couldn’t face it for all the reasons you list…plus I’d had more than enough of hospital by then…but I still have to face the op in the near future…alone. This is our new world and I hate it…
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In truth the cysts needed removing a while ago, but no way could I have done it when my husbsnd was here, he needed so much help with everything.
My hand will have stitches in it for 15 days…so would have been impossible and out of the question.
My GP made the referral for me , and they have acted really quickly for me. I thought I’d be on waiting list for ages.
My husband had cataracts removed from both his eyes in his last year.
But it was a good thing for him, and even though he was really sacred, it was something that made him happy after it had been done. And one health thing that had a positive outcome for him 
Thank you for replying, and big hugs
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Got to go back in hospital in July to have a camera somewhere unmentionable. Had one not so long ago but apparently there is something still there but nothing major. Was supposed to be 6months but called back for 3 months. It feels odd not putting sue down as next of kin.luckly my stepson is now my next of kim as I don’t feel its fair on my daughter to do it. Especially now after loosing my gorgeous fantastic wife sue.had a bad night last night with phantom pains and bad dreams about not getting to the hospice and missing sue
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I agree with everyone regarding the sunshine. I also hate these sunny days as don’t match my mood and seeing family and couples walking past the house. My husband and myself would be going for a walk or having a BBQ. I say bring on the bad weather which definitely matches my mood.
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Good morning @UnityMan
I really hope that today is a teeny bit better for you…
I have to go to work now.
I do find it a relief to have something to fill the day, but at the same time immense guilt at carrying on …
Sometimes I honestly don’t know how I have… 9 months 7 days today 
Hugs to you all for starting the day, and for all the brave decisions ( little and big) you will make today
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Morning all .its another day and i am determined to have a good day.i know sue is watching over me and saying come on you can do this I,ve got you my love x
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Hi all, i totally get these painful summer days however i find im ‘better’ when im busy and the nice weather gives me more options, like pottering in the garden, or meeting friends for long walks during the day. Its the evenings im struggling with, theyre just such a trigger for me. Like others have said, we’d be having barbies just the 2 of us having a drink in the garden, staying out in the garden til late with the chiminea going.
Love to all x
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@Skip I totally agree. I find I can fill my day quite easily but evenings and weekends are the worst. I’m trying to think of ideas to improve on this or I won’t be able to move forward. Everyday is an uphill struggle but really trying to look for positives. Maybe that means I’m making progress although most of the time it doesn’t feel like it.
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Hi UnityMan,
I feel for you having such a bad day and I feel mine is going to go the same way unless I can get my act together which is so much harder in the sunshine. It feels like there is no where to hide from the happy people, even the dogs look cheerful… Keep thinking at least the Bank Holiday is over so that’s a plus.
I did do some weeding yesterday and remembered how we used to do it together and neither of enjoying it so twice as hard on my own.
Hope the pain in your heart eases up. Thinking of you all on this nonsensical journey.
Love Jenny
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I feel the same the last couple of days have been really hard .i lost my husband suddnely after a simple knee replacement. My husband was just 59 .The feelings some days are so hard .i feel i just want to lick myself away .my husband passed away in February and it feels like a big black cloud is over me constantly.
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I can sympathise with you
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Thank you so much xx
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I am really struggling today… lost my husband suddenly at Christmas. Went to work on the Saturday and Sunday I got a call from my son to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. I thought I was doing well but clearly not. I keep humming that flipping song that I heard in a shop yesterday. “I can’t live living without you”. I don’t think I can live another 25/30 years without my husband. This grief is horrendous 
wish I went instead.
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