It’s been 7 months since I lost my Keef and I thought that I was starting to cope, but then suddenly these last couple of days I’ve been feeling so low. It’s almost like I’ve gone back to the early days of not being able to cope and seeing everything as negative. My head’s been playing all sorts of tricks on me, imagining awful things happening to me. I suppose it could have been sparked off by me spraining my ankle on Sunday night which means I have to stay indoors and rest, plus the weather is deteriorating. Luckily I do have a friend popping over this afternoon but just thought it might help me a bit if I could say something here as I have found this site so helpful. Sorry about being so negative, but it’s just one of those days.
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Hello @Guineapig65. I am so sorry you have sprained your ankle. I know how painful that is and it stops you going out.
It was 36 weeks yesterday when I lost my dear husband and I felt dreadful. I often feel that I am progressing well and then I seem to go backwards into the black hole. I think it happens to many of us.
The weather isn’t helping and the dark evenings are going to be very challenging,
I hope your ankle soon recovers and you feel better.
Take care, sending hugs x
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Thank you, I think it doesn’t help knowing the days are getting shorter. xx
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@Guineapig65 . I have been in one of those dark holes the last few days. I think I am starting to claw my way out. My anti depressants should be delivered today. My sleep seems to be improving and the day started with the delivery of a beautiful flower card from @Annaessex to cheer me up. We have to accept these cycles and push through them. I must admit today the weather isn’t helping. It’s amazing how putting your feelings down in this site helps. Hope ankle is better soon. Love and hugs. Sandra
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Thanks Sandra. My doctor last week actually put me on anti-depressants but it’s early days. At least I had the upstairs toilet fixed today, so that’s one positive thing. Sitting on the settee with my poorly leg up which seems to mean that my little fat cat Sophie can sit on me, never mind I’m not going anywhere today. xx
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Anything like the cats I had Sophie will be with you all day. It’s amazing the therapeutic effect storming an animal has. Xx
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I do have another cat, Elphaba, but she tends to hide most of the day unless she wants food. I got them in April from the RSPCA and they are both 9 so I suspect the other cat who hides had a more unpleasant relationship with people. xx
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We had a rescue called amber. It took six months before she would come near us. She would never sit on you only on the arm of the chair but she loved being brushed. She had been found with her kitten in someone’s bbq. She was 2.
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My friend has a rescued cat, Pru, who was found in a skip. She had obviously been treated very badly and it took a long time for her to accept being stroked. She still hates to be near a man, so it doesn’t bear thinking about what happened to her.
She’s 12 now.
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Guineapig65, I totally understand. Lost my partner last year and can honestly say that these sad/bad days just happen. They seem to come from nowhere and I feel so desperately low and vulnerable. However, these sad days are now getting further apart and I have some days now where I do not cry. Speaking to others in the same boat, this seems to be a normal stage in the grieving process. It is good to have the company of friends so make the most of them and accept their friendship and support. I hope your ankle injury mends quickly so you can get out and about. Val x
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I have had a bad few days to. It’s 8 months tomorrow since I lost my husband suddenly. It’s dawning on me he’s not coming back. I have had a couple of afternoons of going to bed. I worked this morning then thought I will do some cleaning but went to bed. Just felt so exhausted. I have been trying. Going on walks with a walking group. I went to my brother’s 60th birthday which floored me on Saturday. My brother said enjoy yourself and I cried as I said I don’t think I will enjoy anything again. It was so hard without my husband. He was my rock. I need to pull myself out of this despair. I think with Christmas coming it’s going to be even more difficult. Maybe the season’s changing is making us feel worse.
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Thank you so much. I contacted one of my friends yesterday to say that I was feeling really down, she came round but seemed to be in rather a hurry to leave. Hopefully my other friend who comes regularly on a Thursday will be better at listening. I’m normally very busy, exercising and sorting things out with the house, but I can’t really do much at the moment because of the stupid ankle so I think that is making things seem worse. Still it does seem to be getting better now so hopefully it will eventually lift my mood. Gail xx
Good Afternoon, everyone ~
It will be two years on 27 September that I lost my dear husband. We were married for 52 and a half years. He was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer in May 2021 and died four months later. I was with him when he passed away, as was our three children. We had celebrated my birthday a few days early and he went upstairs that afternoon and died 7 days later.
I just cannot believe how much time has passed. I had such a bad day yesterday and CRIED so much! I feel absolutely lost, although I have a good family nearby and three lovely grandchildren.
Every day I try to put some structure and routine into my day but I seem to fail.
The other day I went to a ladies’ luncheon and felt nervous as I hadn’t slept well and it was my birthday the day before. Towards the end of the luncheon when the Speaker was finishing his talk, a woman in an adjoining table took ill and there was a lot going on with helping her out etc etc I suddenly felt extremely on edge and felt I had to leave. I quickly but discreetly left the luncheon and walked home quickly. It was like a ‘panic attack!’ Once indoors, I cried my eyes out. Now I’m very nervous about going anywhere in case I were to become ill or even pass out. I don’t want to feel like this or be stuck indoors.
I miss my husband so much and feel terribly ‘alone’ although I have three wonderful children, three lovely grandchildren and lots of good friends and neighbours.
I feel lost and alone and feel I should have moved on more than I have. His shoes are still under the chair as when he slipped them off just over two years ago and his clothes are still in the cupboard.
One of the last things my husband said to me before they hooked him up on the morphine was: “Don’t waste your life!’ However, the final thing he said to me that day was: ‘Can I give you a kiss?’ I feel so sad.
So sorry to burden you all.
Dorrie
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@Dorrie
Dear Dorrie
Please don’t think that you are burdening anyone on here as you are not. It is good to talk and express how you are feeling.
It must have been very frightening for you to see someone being taken ill and maybe it triggered a memory.
It sounds like you have a lot of good support from family and friends. It is never the same though is it as the only person we want to support us and comfort us is not here.
Try not to let this incident put you off going out.
Sending hugs xx
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Yes, you are absolutely correct. It did trigger off a bad memory of 10 years ago at an evening meal with my ladies’ club. It was a humid, August evening in a pub and we were served a horrible meal of steak and kidney pie which seemed like it had been cooked for HOURS and tasted so rich and horrible. It was followed by sticky toffee pudding. I remember feeling quite ‘unsettled’ and I remember almost passing out at the table. What made it worse was that they called ‘Paramedics.’ I was fine after a little while but it left such an impression that I never forgot it and all the fuss which was made. It never ever happened to me in my life and never happened again after that terrifying experience!
Thank you for listening! 
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Hi, this is the first time I have posted. I lost my husband of 49 years very suddenly in April. I too thought I was doing ok until a week ago and I haven’t stopped crying. Think it’s because I am dreading the cold weather and dark nights. Still trying to keep myself busy, walking every day but just don’t know why I am feeling like this. Hopefully it passes soon or I need to seek help x
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MagsB
I lost my wife to leukemia 14 weeks ago and seem to have spent most of the time since in floods of tears,it doesn’t make any difference as to what the reason is or how much people try to help,kind as they are, because the simple fact is that what we are dealing with is trauma.
I have no doubt that at different times this same pattern will repeat itself,maybe even forever although hopefully reduce in intensity and frequency. Today has been a similar day,I did some shopping,had a sandwich,returned home to unpack and suddenly I am in tears begging Jacky to come back,to please help me,(just writing this is doing the same,the tears start,) but I know she can’t come back.
None of it makes sense,it all causes such pain and suffering for all of us, I keep asking why loving my wife the way I do can cause this pain after all those years of feeling like we were one person,of being happy,how can it end like this I ask.
Like you I dread the coming Winter months but then I ask myself can they really be any worse than the nights that have already passed ? I hear people say the weekends are worse for them and I understand this but not for me,every single day of the week is an absolute nightmare that I didn’t choose.
Thank God Jacky didn’t have to go through this.
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Thanks Miker, feel exactly the same. Go about my daily life but its just existing. I often think how my husband would be coping without me if the situation was reversed. Can’t even imagine it. I wouldn’t want him to go through this pain.
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