Bad days along the way

Today is a bad day. I woke up, saw to the dogs, went back to bed until lunchtime. Got steadily worse since then. Now in floods of tears. No one to talk to, no one to contact. Just a pain like a rock in my heart. 8 months after the death of my husband I thought I was getting a bit better - but some days the loss really bites me. Today is one of them. Tulabelle

Hello Tulabelle,

Sorry you feel this way today.
If it helps, I feel that I am going backwards too.
Only yesterday you were sounding upbeat in the “Counselling” thread.

I have expressed misgivings about the real value of Counselling, whilst trying to remain polite and vicariously appreciative of it if it genuinely seems to be doing some good to somebody else.

If you care to share, how would you analyze and describe the reasons for your overnight volte-face ?

Hi Edwin,
I think it is just one of those days when grief pays a call to remind me that it is still there. I feel a bit better now, after a good cry this afternoon. Overall I am doing pretty well, and having more good days than bad. I have been seeing a psychotherapist rather than a counsellor, and I do feel that I have derived benefit from the sessions; I am now of a mind that it is time for them to come to an end, and am just having one a month until the first anniversary of my husband’s death has passed - and the ordeal that will be Christmas. I am sorry to hear that you feel you are going backwards at this time; I don’t think the early darkness and longer nights helps any of us in our situation. I expect that I will have days like today for a long time yet, and hope that I will be able get through them with courage and fortitude. If you want to chat more I am always here for you. Thank you for getting touch, Jayne

Yes - just under seven weeks to the winter solstice, and the daylight hours will start to lengthen !

Five months until the clocks go forward again.

I am seriously considering investing in a light box - do they work ? Anybody ?

Hi Edwin,
I have a daylight clock. I find it very good. It mimics sunset and sunrise, and helps me to go to sleep at night and wake up on darker mornings. It also seemed to help with my seasonal lows. It’s a Lumie , and I bought it from Amazon. As for the light boxes - I understand they don’t work for everyone, and I did read an article claiming that they can promulgate cataracts (don’t know whether there is any truth in this). My GP, however, thought they were worth a go. Sorry I can’t be more help. Jayne

Hi tulabelle sorry to hear you are struggling i feel the same as you iv bereaved before and thought it was bad but grieving for my hudband is the worse ever nothing compared to previous…i also feel like im going backwards its his 10 month on friday and iv cryed for the whole 10 months somedays allday.i dont have much support and find it so difficult to carry on with day to day stuff i try and keep strong for our 2 young boys i really do but its just so hard im not living im existing 1 thing i cant seem to shift is the constant thought of me thinking we are better off with him all together sounds mad i know.iv tried pts counseling to be honest it really didnt work neither did cruse.Not sure if my grief is complicated did you come across pyscotherapy? I really need something to help me get through this.i really hope u feel better with time

Dear Sheila . What wise words . I do think we expect too much of ourselves . Like you said when someone has been an integral part of our lives for so long and been loved by us and loved us in return , losing them is not something that we are going to get over quickly or ever . And if going through all this pain is the price I have to pay for having spent my life with my lovely husband , then so be it . He is worth every tear and I will learn to live without him physically but always keep him close in my heart and soul . Thank you again for your wise counsel . It always helps . Romy xxx

We were lucky too …42 years together and 33 married but like you said it is never long enough xxxxx

And that will be for eternity . X


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