I’m struggling badly today. It’s 9 weeks since I lost my wife and I had been doing a bit better of late. I don’t understand why I’ve come crashing down so badly today. Does anyone else experience this, being OK, or rather less bad for a while, then suddenly crashing into tears and despair? There are crazy thoughts of imagining it’s all been a horrible mistake and expecting her to walk through that front door any moment. Sometimes I feel I’m going mad. I can’t explain why.
Rob, sorry you feel so bad today but didn’t think you are going mad or that what is happening to is wrong because you will hear from plenty of others on this site who all have theses days, these thoughts and feel that you can’t go on. We all have the same horrible days, they say it’s the price we have to pay for having the love we have known. I don’t know but what I do know is that it hurts and is horrible. You do sound that you are dealing with your grief but don’t be surprised when these days hit you. You also sound a strong man who normally would just get on with life and this is a shock to you. If you read other posts you will find you are not alone, please remember we are always here for you and 9 weeks is not time on this road of grieving. Take small baby steps and take care of yourself.
Hi Rob, I am 8 months down the line and this still happens to me. I get a run of good days and get a bit cocky thinking I have turned a corner then BAM right back to rock bottom again. Talking to others it’s pretty much the norm for us all so don’t think it is anything that is only happening to you. You are certainly not going mad and we have all at some time expected our loved ones to come back. I remember thinking ‘Colin is going to be so mad when he comes back to find out I have sold his guns’ His hobby was clay pigeon shooting incase you thought he was a hit man or anything! I lost my husband and Mum in the space of three weeks so I know exactly what it is like and how you are feeling. Keep sharing your feelings on here as strangely it helps knowing so many are in the same boat sending you a hug
Hi Rob, if you’re going mad then so am I.
I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife and I feel your pain.
It’s 10 weeks since my wife was taken suddenly and I thought I was doing reasonably well under the circumstances until a couple of weeks ago when reality finally set in and I have become an emotional wreck.
Like you, I suddenly crash into tears and despair. I don’t expect her to walk through the front door but there is nothing in this world that would make me happier and nothing makes me sadder to know that she will never do that again.
I have been told to give our grief time and the pain will lessen, at least slightly, and we will learn to cope somehow.
Wishing you the strength to cope.
Thank you for your kind, reassuring words and my sincere condolences on your loss too. It does seem that maybe at the beginning the sense of shock is so great that we hold ourselves together to cope and maybe now, with the funeral over and people drifting away, I am reflecting a little and then of course realising the full brunt of reality and grief. That’s maybe why I am getting these terrible days suddenly. Thank you for understanding.
Hi Rob, so sorry about your loss. Yes, at the beginning there are so many competing emotions like shock and stress and sadness, but after a few weeks the shock goes and the stress can get reduced, and that’s when the grief can get worse. That’s what happened to me with my dad, initially I was very stressed about sorting things out and angry at the way he had been treated by the hospital, but now, it’s just the overwhelming grief that takes over my life. I do get stressed about mum, and looking after her as she lives alone, but mainly it’s just a dull and never-ending grief that is with me all of the time.
You will often hear people talk about waves of grief, that’s exactly what it is, some days we can cope ok but then on another day it can just hit us and floor us, and it seems you’re having one of those days today. The main thing when having such a day is to accept that you will have such days, so that when you have them you don’t worry why you’re having them, and to also accept that you will have better days, and that hopefully, over time, the better days will outnumber the bad days.
The sad truth is that you will have these terrible days again, and again, but you may also have better days. This is why everybody says take it one day (or one hour) at a time. Cope with today and tomorrow will hopefully be better. I’m giving you this advice but I’m also giving it to myself. Your right about the initial shock. It slightly numbs the mind so that you manage to cope for a short while. We all live in the hope that better times are ahead even if that seems impossible right now.
I’m 6 weeks down the road and on medication and sleeping tablets. Today has been a daze then crash I see a card she gave me at Christmas and the pain starts all over again.
It seems we all think we are in a dream. I wish I was. My girl would still be here.
Rob, I feel the same as you do. Today is Sunday, very slow and quiet as usual. I tried to clean up the house as best as I could, saw her dishes, photos and stuff - just went into in a sorrowful mood from that point on. I understand how you must feel — I 'm there too today. Yes, I am someone who is experiencing exactly what you are describing ! You are not alone! I’m there too, especially today. I miss my wife so much! All I can do is keep myself busy. Hang in there Rob.