Bad habits

Just wondering if any one else has developed bad habits since losing their loved ones. I find myself watching TV in bed till 3 am then not getting up till 11 :roll_eyes: stopped cooking and live on toast and biscuits :nauseated_face: no motivation to get my makeup on or meet my friends for lunch. Just want to stay ensconced in the house with my wee dog. Struggling to even walk her but forcing myself as I know Colin would be saying ‘Give yourself a kick up the arse and get on with it’ This weather does not help either :roll_eyes: Is anyone else the same?
V x

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For the most part I want to stay in the house. I want to hide away from people who know me, except for those who are very close to me.
Zero motivation, but I will cook a full meal.

Yes, I’ve become very solitary as well. I used to be a very social animal but now find going out excrutiating, I’d much rather be at home on the sofa with my pusscats. I do make myself go out sometimes but, usually, only to see people I’ve met since I lost Clive - they don’t know the Before me, only the Now me so they don’t really expect anything else.

I’ve got really bad at feeding myself too. In the beginning, once I’d got over the initial shock, I made a proper meal for myself every night. Now a bag of crisps and a bar of chocolate is my usual supper - I just cant be a*sed to cook, it doesn’t seem worth it for one. Consequently, I’ve put on a ton of weight (over 3 stone at the moment) and, for the first time in my life, I’ve got bad skin, so I’m just a big, fat, spotty lump of depression. But the cats don’t seem to mind - the fatter I get the more comfortable I am to lounge on, so that’s something positive!

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Yes the sleepless is something I have to even 6 months on and the not eating except junk and just the sitting doing nothing is a comen thing I sometimes think you need that time to proses it’s like your switched off but your right the weather doesn’t help we seek comfort and it’s also the lack of purpose we were part of a team now that’s gone and what’s left doesn’t seem right some how on point just drifting for day to day getting though to the next. Making what we can of it. X

If we all lived near eachother we could meet up for a coffee or some ‘junk food’ and lament how fat and spotty we have all become unfortunately due to our lethargy we wouldn’t make it out the door :rofl:

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Wouldn’t that be great if we all lived closer!8 weeks on,I live on pot noodles or microwave meals.I try and force myself to go out and then I can’t wait to get home again.At least there’s no Christmas stuff around anymore which really upset me.I seem to be happy with my own company now.Just as well really because there’s no one else here to talk to,apart from the cats!Love to all,Jill x

Sorry Ladies but eating junk food and sitting around all day is not doing your health any good and the only person to suffer is yourself when you end up ill and then you will feel even worse. So you will probably hate me for saying “Get off your backsides and start to eat properly”. Cooking for one is not a problem its easy enough and you can prepare sufficient to last if you freeze. I make soups and put in containers in the freezer so if I have a bad day i can reach into the freezer/fridge and at least I know I’m eating healthily. Stir fry’s and salads are easy and quick enough. I know what I’m talking about because I was just like you all except that I had to get up and walk my dogs. However my food was rubbish and totally out of character as healthy lifestyle has been a must for some years. I became ill and had never been really ill in my life. I ended up in hospital, somewhere I had never been or even had an appointment and never taken medication. It came as a shock and along with grief was an overload and I fell into that black pit even further. It was the kick up the backside I needed. Yes, I do sometimes find sleep difficult but I watch TV or read lying in bed. I then go to sleep when I’m ready. I do sleep longer than I would like sometimes but not too late as dogs get me up. I have become something of a recluse also except that I love walking and have my allotments but making the effort to socialise now and I soon discovered that if you sit at home all day, you are not going to meet up with anyone, and few people are going to bother with you, it’s a vicious circle if you cut yourself off then you are going to be alone, it stands to sense. Hard I know but I have found the effort is worth it
So please ladies get some sensible food, lose that weight if you need to and I can guarantee you will feel better about yourselves, please don’t take yourselves down any further and have to cope with ill health as well. Hard I know but you can do it.
Good luck to you all.


Hi I recognise exactly what you are saying. I am 14 months without my husband of 39 years. When I look back I see the rocky road I have been on. It is the hardest journey, and I know I still have a long way to go. I have joined a meet up group for widows and widowers, we meet once a week. I have found this to be very helpful to speak to other people who have all been through this terrible loss. To be among people who know exactly how you feel. It really does help to talk, often friends and family avoid talking about your loss because of upsetting you. You have to be kind to yourself and just take a day at a time. Best wishes to you all x

Ah well the healthy eating is going well, a whole baguette with butter and a large tin of rice pudding :roll_eyes:

Rice pudding is a brilliant food actually. I remember whenthey were collecting for a local food bank, I asked them what the best things to donate were and they said rice pudding because it’s a complete meal in itself. Okay, I suppose the sugar content is a bit high, the rest of it is extremely nourishing - so, well done you :yum:

Really! Don’t feel so guilty now :rofl: Thanks
V x

I know exactly where you are coming from Sheila, why go to all that trouble for one person. Like you I always cooked from scratch most nights Colin was a mean cook (also a messy one mind you) but I have no interest now either & also want something quick and easy. Must admit the M&S ready meals are handy to have in the freezer and I do invite friends or family for a meal every other week just to keep my hand in. My house has never been so clean as it is just me and Daisy dog now but there is no pleasure in it without Colin. It’s only 8 weeks since I lost him and I suppose in a way I am getting used to my new routine, hate every second of it but getting used to it :cry:
V xx

Hi, I know what you all mean. I used to take pride in cooking a healthy meal every day, never missed unless we decided on a takeaway for a change or went out for a meal. For me also it was a chore having to cook just for one but now I do my own ready meals and freeze them. I might be busy for one day but have weeks of healthy nutritional meals which can be ready in a jiffy when I want them. I grow vegetables so bought a soup maker although I had always maintained that they was a waste of money. Could cook the soup/stew in a pan just as well, but decided to treat myself. I had enough soup for at least four meals in twenty minutes and again froze what I couldn’t eat straight away. What we eat is so important for our everyday health and I decided that I had enough to cope with and didn’t want to worry about illness as well. I studied nutrition years ago and it came in useful when Brian was diagnosed, as the right diet kept him alive for years longer than expected. Agree though no pleasure sitting with a meal on your lap on your own.
Pat xxx

Lost my husband on the 5th Oct. I have been the same as you can’t be bothered to cook , lived on toast and biscuits, chocolate etc then a couple of weeks ago realised I wasn’t doing my health any good and my husband would have been horrified, now most days I try to eat healthy and get some exercise, some days when I am feeling exceptionally low it doesn’t happen, but I am starting to feel better , I know it is going to be a long journey but for my husband’s sake I will try and keep it up.

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Hello mrs colt
I like you have developed bad habits,staying up late till 2.00am,getting up late between 9.00am and 10.00am,I lost my lovely wife 5 months ago,it’s so hard without her.I try to take each day as it comes,I hope to start some voluntary work soon to help other men,teaching them in practical skills called a (Men’s Shed) in construction skills,hopefully this will help me be more motivated.
Take care X


How are you all doing? It has taken me 6 months to start to feel like I want to do stuff again. In the last 2 years my family had 7 funerals. I think I just eventually had the straw that broke the camels back. We have to keep going. Step by step ,and day by day.:pray:

I like the sound of the ‘men’s shed’ M50 and it will give you a focus. I try to set myself a goal every day but sometimes it is not achievable and you know what that’s fine, it’s all about taking a day at a time. So hard when we are all heart broken and just trying to get through :cry:

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I too have some bad habits, I go to bed for 9 and watch TV until I’m almost asleep. I think I’m scared of my mind going into overdrive. My diet has been appalling and have lost a stone, I’m now getting that in hand. It is 11 months since I lost my wonderful husband and have spent the time sinking to the bottom of the pit ! I realised I needed help and saw my doctor and am now on an antidepressant which has helped. I’m now doing two small volunteering jobs and making myself get out, even though I’d rather stay in. I’m hoping my husband would be proud of me for trying. I’m fortunate in the support I have received from friends and family and also from the Sue Ryder bereavement drop in cafe at Wheatfields. I have met some lovely people and made 2 friends from there. I still can’t think straight and live from day to day but I’m not at the bottom of my pit, I can’t see the light at the top but I am making headway. I’m always so pleased when another day is over. I just can’t see how I can proceed still, at 61 I was looking forward to our retirement and all the plans we had and now I feel like I’ve been set adrift. Apologies for going on but some things I don’t like saying to family as I don’t want to drag them down. I believe the weather is supposed to be sunny this weekend, hopefully that will lift us all slightly.
Take care everyone


I lost my twin brother to cancer in July. Like you, I didn’t want to eat, sleep and had no motivation. This Christmas was my first year without him and it was the darkest time of my life. I reached such a low I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it to the other side. I was suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks. Like you I have a dog I should have been taking her out but at the same time as my twins death I was losing the use of legs as I have spina bifida and was struggling to walk her. I was reliant on carers to either walk her or come with me to walk her, while I would ride my mobility scooter beside them. I was dealing with so much and just in the depth of despair. Now Christmas is over I feel slightly better but I still struggling and I’m still getting the panic attacks, but now I think of what my brother would have wanted me to do and no matter how hard it is, he wouldn’t want me to give up, so I try to push myself. When I start to feel that I’m feeling low I make myself busy, phone someone, cook, clean…anything so not to let my thoughts to be taken up with pity. I’m not saying it’s easy, because it certainly not and I still get panic attacks but now I ride them out and get through the other side of these horrendous situation. I also have a dog, like I said earlier, but my dog senses when I’m down so I try now to get my dog out and try to be upbeat as it can’t be great for her seeing me glum all the time. For the sake of your furry friend and yourself get yourself out and about.

very wise words Pat, I’ve been through the stages of hermit mode, and like you, have to get off my backside and walk the dogs, only at present, health issues are preventing this so i am only able to walk one at a time when i can. often slip back into eating unhealthy foods after a good session of batch cooking and freezing for the next couple of weeks ahead.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today


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