I think I’m pretty much in the same frame of mind as everyone on this thread. I’m totally on my own now, with only a couple of friends nearby and I only see one of those each week. I spent a couple of hours in the garden yesterday, working on re-doing a gravelled garden feature, which is going to take me quite a few days if not weeks to finish. Was going to do some more of it today, but just couldn’t motivate myself. Instead I’ve spent today sleeping, watching TV, and looking on my laptop. But in between times I wander aimlessly around the empty house talking aloud to my wife, telling her she should have been here for these sunny days and wondering why the hell I’m still here. It’s like the sunny weather is trying to lift me out of my depression, but instead it’s having the opposite effect - it just reminds me of what I’m missing, the things I’ll never experience again. The loss of my wife is grinding me down a little more each day and I am simply losing the will to fight it.
A bank holiday is just another lonely, soul-less day.
I am in contact with my dad quite regularly and I am not working due to my ongoing medical conditions. I suffer with osteoarthritis in my right knee and not long ago diagnosed with arthritis in my left shoulder.
I have to use a crutch to get around and got very limited movement in my left arm…
I am hoping to meet up with some old friends in Dorking in the next week or so but been waiting for the weather to get better and with lockdown easing.
I am now fully protected from the virus as I had the 2nd dose a couple of weeks ago.
Sorry to hear of your osteoarthritis. The pain of that must make you feel low. Sounds as if you are making g the best of it. Let’s get this vastly bank Holiday over. Much luck and love.
Hi Jules4
I had my mother for Sunday dinner - first time since lockdown started. She is elderly so all she talked about were all the friends/neighbours that have died. Eventually I had to ask her to stop talking and then I felt awful.
After dropping her off I have done the gardening - like yourself this is a job that I would have helped husband with. Its so hard now doing everything on our own. We were a great team and used to laugh for hours about how well we were doing as grandparents being able to tag-team doing all the different tasks of looking after a young baby again. But now I have to battle through on my own and fight back the tears as I look at the grandson that my husband just adored.
Just do not understand how life can be so cruel.
I concur with all of you. Having spent 32 years together with my late wife it’s almost impossible to find things I can do or places to go which do not remind me of her. I’m 3 months in this terrible journey recently I managed to have some relatively happy time together with my 15 yo daughter and a bit of smile. Even so deep in my heart I am just saddened by that fact that she is not there to enjoy with us. Covid in my city is improving, but it’s hard to watch people coming out and enjoy life again. They’ve come to the end of the tunnel. But I am not. I will never. It seems that I am expecting the world to mourn with me. Honestly I am kind of. Maybe I am jealous of them, having a normal life to return to. My life, my family is forever ruined. I no longer have my last refuge.
It’s really really tough. Sending hugs to all of you suffering this horrendous loss…
Hi all I can i can relate to everything you are all saying I lost my soulmate pauline 47 days ago and I’m struggling so badly I’m so empty and lonely all I do is cry I’m totally alone apart from my pets I have a friend that I met on here and we talk on whatsapp but even though I have a big family no one calls regular to see how I am I miss pauline so much nothing has any joy anymore if something happened to me at home no one would know because they don’t contact me I got sent pictures of my darlings funeral the other day it was so heartbreaking to look at them I want to hold her so badly when I’m out with my dog I see couples and I think I will never get to do that again with my beautiful pauline I hate every single day I am so sorry that we are all going through this heartache god bless you all x
Hi
Sorry for your loss of your wife not a nice life anymore without our partners 14 months for losing my husband of 37 years together my family are good but phone calls from friends and some family fade I am learning to live without my husband it is a hard journey don’t think I will ever recovery
Take care
@Kim5 I am so very sorry for your loss we were together for almost 21 years I don’t think any of us will ever recover you only have one soulmate take care
To true day by day
X
Hello @luckystarhongkong
I am so sorry you and your daughter have to go through this unimaginable hell we are all experiencing here. I agree with you that it turned out life does go on, just not in the way we want it.
I lost my partner of 18 years eight months ago, there was no proper goodbye and came as a total shock. I would gladly trade 20 years of my life just to spend one more hour with him, I need that for my conscience. What happened to us cannot be fixed, it can only be acknowledged.
My partner was British and relocated in HK many years ago. I came to this site because it seemed the local grief support is inadequate if not non-existent.
There are often days that I feel I can’t do this anymore and will never be happy again. Like many people have said here, we can only take one day at a time.
I’m so sorry Casey, I’m feeling much the same way. Two days of nothing other than the odd text. I would like to go out for a walk - that’s what we’d have done but I don’t want to see all the other couples of their walks. We would also normally sit out in the garden, but again, if I do that by myself I will just cry because he should be there. Just trying to sleep through the day but the. I know tonight will be an issue then. How did it come to this? Heartbroken
@Jules4 I am so sorry jules that you are going through this heartbreak I do know what you mean though everything I did was with her anything I do its not the same because she is not here I would give up all my tomorrows for one day with her
Dear Jules4
Member of husband’s family meant to visit today but sent text (clearly unable to use the mobile to call as he never does) to say that they had decided to go back home instead and hopefully he might be up in a few weeks. A bit like his promises to ring me this will never happen. Have not heard from anyone for a week except going to my son’s but this generation are immersed in their phones and I can sit for a few hours at their place and be so lonely. Called someone today to see if they wanted to go for a walk tomorrow but they are clearly busy and have not returned any of my calls.
Me and husband would have gone out for the day in the car. I have tried it once myself and it is was not a pleasant experience - also I could have just kept on driving and never returned to the empty house.
I don’t understand how I am now faced with this life. I feel like it is a prison sentence.
@Sheila26 @Jules4 sheila I am so sorry that they didn’t visit you its not nice to be let down do either of you have WhatsApp I would be happy to talk to either of you if you would want to
Hi Casey1
My phone is that ancient Whatsapp is out of date but happy to continue talking on this forum.
I should not have been surprised by their lack of visit, they have not been very supportive since I lost my husband although they will think differently.
My other brother-in-law and his husband have been extremely supportive but do not live local.
I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. Like you I will only have one soulmate and will miss and grieve for him every day until we are reunited.
Take care
@Sheila26 ok no worries I am happy to talk on here I feel exactly the same there will never be anyone else for me but pauline I am so sorry for your loss at least we have support here from people that understand how we are feeling take care x
Hi Julie, its not good is it? Had family round yesterday and had a half decent day, but still felt alone, its like being an outsider looking in and knowing what you’re missing.
I have had a calmer day today and actually managed to read a chapter of a book (first time)
Hope you manage to get a little peace. Deep breaths Julie. Xxx. See you soon. Xxx
I too would give up all of my tomorrows for one more day with him.
Hi Jacky, I have to go to London tomorrow to get my daughter back. At least she will be around for a couple of weeks but then she will have to go back. Sending hugs
Well enjoy your time with your daughter, the best you can anyway. Thinking of you and sending hugs 
xxx