Becoming a widower

Feel that i must make use of my time,as hers was cut short,and she said life was precious.Need to keep busy,but have no wish to replace the special wife that i was married to for 44 years

Hello!
I offer my condolences to you. It is early days for you and you will be in shock. It seems as though everything around you is a reminder of the life that can no longer be. Keeping busy doing things you like will be of help - however, sadly it will not fill the void. 44 years is a long time to be in a relationship so you will have lots of happy memories to help sustain you.
I was with Ronald for 44 years. I have been a widow for 19 months. All I can say is that it gets easier to accept the feelings both emotional and physical. Somehow ‘acceptance’ has become part of my life going forwards, even though some days the loneliness seems unbearable I try to remember the amazing life I shared with my lovely husband. I don’t think I will ever be happy again - even though, as your lovely wife said, I know life is so precious.
Keep posting and tell us more about yourself - writing how you feel will be helpful and everyone will understand and offer some support.
Take care of yourself.
xCarole

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Thanks for sharing your experiences of a similar pathway to the one that I am on.
Gardening was her passion,and seeing how beautiful it is at the moment,i am very
sad that we can no longer enjoy it together.Even going out for a coffee is so very different now,seeing couples together still.However,must be aware of the dangers of self pity,and carry on as she would have wanted me to.

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Hello Carole
Just wanted to thank you for this post. I think you have put this whole new chapter of ours into perspective and have been both truthful but positive at the same time!! Nothing can make things as they once were but we can learn to live with our feelings and know that time may not heal but that its passing will give us the ability to cope better and learn to adapt…loneliness is possibly more difficult to cope with than grief itself sometimes but acceptance is the key to whatever the future holds. It is not easy as you well know but it definitely helps.
This weekend marks my second anniversary of living without Barry and my little boat is rocking a lot but I have learned that the waters will get calmer again if I just sit tight.
Take care…thanks to everyone on this site for the support and love they send across the ether x

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Hello Speedbird
I am so sorry that your have lost your lovely wife…it is very hard to come to terms with being " left behind" and still very early days for you so things will be far from easy. We are all unique and learn to live with our grief in our own individual way…nothing is ever right or wrong and there are no set rules but time does help in its own way. Carole is so right in her reply to you and I hope that you will find the support from this site a help…try to take baby steps first and breathe through each moment if you can…it does get easier to bear and there are still moments of joy to take us forward…they are just different from the ones we used to share.
Take care x

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Thank you Amelie’s gran!
It will be Ronald’s birthday in July (and mine also) and the second without being able to celebrate with him. Anniversaries do trigger again the anguish of our losses. I hope you will have a loving tribute planned in remembrance of the happy years with Barry. I go to a favourite spot we used to enjoy especially when we had the 4Leggeds.
As to the loss and aloneness - I try to ‘befriend the pain’ - acknowledge it and accept that this new sensation is now a part of me. However, I also know that the life I had with Ronald was quite amazing and we created some wonderful memories which I have for the rest of my life. It was a privilege to share 44 years with him.
I hope you are having a good day with your doggies in Devon.
Here in West Sussex it is overcast - but I have sat upon the tractor for a couple of hours and cut the grass! A favourite occupation of Ronald - I think because he then felt he had earned his pint at the pub! ;-). My treat is a cuppa and to start a new book! :wink:
Take care and thanks for writing.
xCarole

Hello to you, well i’m in the same position. I lost my wife tragically last June 2017 whilst away on a golfing holiday in Portugal. My wife Anne was 65 and we were married almost 45 years. Now is a challenge I never expected and one which is difficult to handle especially at nights and early mornings. But your right we need to keep busy and we need to talk about our wives and lives. Not easy but let us keep our heads up and do what we know is right. Very kind regards Derek

I lost my husband 4 weeks ago, we had only been married 10 months, I spent my first wedding anniversary with my sister on Sunday .
I know I have memories somewhere of our beautiful day and many other things we shared together, but it was a sudden tragic loss, a random illness that lasted less than two months! I was with him everyday to the very end, even when he was transferred from Devon to London, but the only pictures in my head and memories I have at the moment are of that! When he stopped part of me stopped and now I’m lost, I can’t sleep, my thoughts are overtaking me, and I’m having flash backs of it all. reading your stories and replies is nice because you all know! And even though my support network is great with family, friends I still feel so incredibly alone! … is all this normal x
Zoe x

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