Bedtime - overthinking

I find that when it’s time to go to bed my mind starts wondering, I’m thinking things i haven’t thought about in years , the smallest memories coming back that I just wouldn’t have thought of had she been alive , silly little things with no real meaning to me or her but still they flood into my mind making sleep a difficult achievement, anyone else remembering the silly little things we thought we’d forgot ?

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I think at night our minds think about everything to do with our partners to me nights are the worst every thing going around in your head I never switch off until early hours. Very sorry for your loss

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Yes, I too find this is when I get very upset and I take a long time to sleep. Its been 5 months since my husband passed. I’m still not wanting to get up early and i go to sleep late. Have good and bad days. Still very heart sore. Bless everyone on here that feels the same.

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I go this too. Sometimes I either stay up late or awaken very early. Sometimes memories come back and I feel I wish I could have done things differently. I think about her and wonder how she’s doing - without me. I have the house, but it’s very empty now. I miss her so much.
Herb

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I too have these feelings . I am trying to adapt and make changes to help with these feelings ie we ALWAYS went to bed together and would have conversations right up to actually getting into bed, so now I put my pjs on earlier so when I go to bed I can just jump into bed and not have that time when we would be jabbering on to each other. It’s the evenings I find most difficult because that’s when we would both be home ( we worked shifts and mostly opposite shifts) and would sit and talk about our day and get the events of the day off our chest , I suppose it helped us both being in the same line of work . So now I fill my evenings up with a bit of tv, crosswords, games on my iPad , I used to love a good book and I have a book I’m more than half way through but I can’t read it as I’m not retaining what iv read so iv given up as a bad job. It’s only 10 weeks today since I lost my hubby so things are still raw but I’m not the first and I certainly won’t be the last . Death is the one thing that’s guaranteed to us all . We can only support each other through this ordeal and I really do feel that happens on here and I will be eternally grateful to those who take the time to reply to my posts with advice and words of comfort

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Hi Joe38, It is quite normal for our minds to think of things from the past that are totally irrelevant in the present moment. Our minds are searching for answers and trying to make sense of such a painful unbelievable situation. Even the silly things come floating to the surface especially when we try to sleep. We all go through this stage and we live one day at a time hoping that the pain will lessen with time. Keep posting on here as there will be lots of people willing to help you through these difficult days. We all understand your pain.

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Yes maybe my mind is trying to find answers somehow like you say , the suddenness of it all is quite incomprehensible , it has been a good therapy for me to share these feelings on here , knowing others have the same feelings helps a lot so I thank all who read it

I wake up in the middle of the night thinking. At it’s worst it can go on for hours. I find now that the first year has passed that the middle of the night thinking is not quite, as severe.

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I wake up at 3am and for a moment alls ok and then I remember my partner is gone --I so hate that feeling -I put the radio on and that stops my mind from overload and sometimes drift off again. I seem to be talking to myself too–hopefully this is fairly normal when we are new to being on our own —otherwise im in trouble!! I still cant believe hes gone --it seems to take a while to accept --love and strength x

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Time is a great healer so they say , but with the grief of losing a partner that time to heal never really comes , but you do start to accept your loss and adjust your life accordingly, I am one year on and still have strong feelings of missing my darling ,but although I’m one year away from her I am also one year closer to seeing her again , stay strong it’s not easy nor should it be , would you really want to not feel devastated at your loss it means you had a strong love for them , you will heal in your own way in your own time but in the meantime welcome your strong emotions for your loved one it’s how we show our feelings c

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it may help you if you wrote these thoughts in a journal, as though you are talking to your girlfriend. I lost my husband of 50 years 2 and a half years ago next week, and I started writing in a beautifully bound journal, I am on my 3rd journal now, I write how i feel, what I’ve done, where I’ve been (at present this is just walking the dogs), my innermost thoughts, as though I am talking to Alan, my husband. during my really darkest of days it became a great comfort. in the beginning i was writing 2 and 3 times a day, these days usually every couple of days or so, It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it does help to ease a little. a few months down the line you can look back at the daily entries and see how stronger you have become, believe me, it really does help.

there is no time limit on grieving nor is there a quick fix. we each take it a day at a time, sometimes a step at a time. it can be a rollercoaster of emotions and you may feel you’re going backwards, this is all the normal processes of grief and grieving. and we all go at our own pace, we are now facing the road to a different life, we take the love and memories with us, and, with our partners in our hearts we begin to travel this road before us, we never get over our grief, we go though it and in time, learn to live with it.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
Jen🦋

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Hi Jen , I may just try the journal idea and see where it takes me .it can’t hurt to try , my main feelings this week so far has been absolute anger that she’s not around , I guess it’s going to be up and down like this for a while to come , thanks for the suggestion and I hope your doing ok too , being in this community I think has helped

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Dear Kazzar, Just wanted to tell you that on this site - that’s what we do best!!! We understand each others feelings and can relate to each other. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Herb.

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a book that may be helpful to you is On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler.

hope you find peace and calm by writing in your journal , please let me know how it goes.

take care and stay safe

hope today has been better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today

blessings
Jen🦋

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Dear Joe 38
Yes, this happens and it’s just awful. Just know that you are not alone xx

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Evenings are hard. We too jabbered all day and late into the night. Now I leave the TV on just for the sound of another voice in the house. My husband worked shifts too and was sometimes away for weeks at a time but which I was used to… Its hard and you have my condolences.

Bessie Thank you my husband sometimes worked nights and I didn’t like it but I got ok with it ,then he got moved onto day and worked 12 hr days again I was ok with it I knew it was his job and shift pattern.
I know 10 weeks is still very early days but boy oh boy I wonder will I ever get used to it . Thank you for your kind words . I hope you are getting along too and if ever you want to jabber just drop a line on here and I will jabber back x x take care stay safe x Karen :heart:

I feel this too. Evenings and nights are the worst. As well as missing my husband even more, I also lay awake and wind myself up over people who have said things to me that have really upset me. People can be so thoughtless. How could life have dealt us this :broken_heart:

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I am 14 months in and nights are still sleepless till about 2 or 3am. Then I do fall asleep for a while, sometimes wake up again around 4ish. I think it’s partly because Pete couldn’t sleep and was very poorly last years of his life so I got used to waking often if he needed me. It’s a hard habit to crack now I’m alone. I tried Dr prescribed meds but they didn’t help, just made me feel extra tired the next morning so stopped taking them. Pete died as a result of hospital neglect and I’m having to learn to not to dwell on that, especially when the evenings and nights are so long and lonely. Happy to chat anytime if it helps.

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