Behaving badly towards my sister

Our brother died suddenly four months ago - the most awful shock. Since then I seem unable to help myself being nasty to my sister. Although we are very different we usually manage to rub along together and maintain some kind of harmony. Since our brother’s death I am angry with her as to me it seems she has not shown any grief but is only interested in how she will benefit from his estate. Sadly the situation is now beginning to affect my relationships with other family members who say I am being totally unreasonable. I have been avoiding her so as not to make things worse. Feeling thoroughly miserable.

Hi Leila,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your brother, and that you are struggling to get along with your sister. It can be quite common for bereavement to cause some family issues. Emotions are naturally running high, and everyone is different, and grieves in different, and sometimes conflicting, ways.

It is sad that your sister seems more interested in your brother’s estate, but perhaps she is bottling up her emotions, or finds them difficult to talk about?

I’m glad that you’ve found this Online Community, as this is a safe and supportive place to get things off your chest. You aren’t alone here, as all our users understand the grief of losing a loved one. I’ve found some posts from people that I thought you might be able to relate to - perhaps you’d find it helpful to read and reply to these?

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, just let me know.

Community Manager

Hi Leila,

sorry to read about your brother and problems with your sister. I had and am still having problems with my sister following the loss of our Mum last year. Constant talking about the money she would get and being very controlling about my life and future plans. There is little you can do about such people and behaviour as I have found.

The only advice I can give is not to discuss your sister in any negative way with relatives. If they ask about her just give a neutral bland sort of response, ‘Oh it is all fine’ or similar. If she is being dreadful they will see it themselves in the end and realise what you have gone through. Avoiding your sister as and when you can is good too though not easy if you have things to sort out. I was very lucky as a couple of Mum’s friends noticed what was going on and quietly took me on one side and gave me their mobile numbers so I could call them if it all got too much.

I am now in the happy position I no longer have to see my sister very often as Mum’s affairs have been sorted out. I will see her briefly over Christmas then hopefully not for a while after. I haven’t forgotten her behaviour and things said to me. I find some days very hard still to get through but contact with my sister is now on my terms and not hers.

Good luck