Being 27 with childhood ptsd and depression whilst grieving

I feel cheated by the sudden death of my stepdad.

Especially when it was stage 4 cancer, in his lymph nodes, liver and lungs. 12 days of knowing, 2 days before he died of how bad it was.

Sending him to hospital last month and feeling so guilty for it on the Monday and having 20 minutes with him.

on Saturday 15 August I with my mum and stepbrother. He was fighting the morphine the entire time. He could not look at us nor he could speak. His poor body was yellow from his liver and kidney completely failing.

We never had a goodbye conversation prior. We could not plan or process anything. Too quick.

my mum in heartbroken words told him to go to sleep and he died right then.

Funeral, cremation been and gone. Wasn’t married. No pension for my mum, nothing. Used any savings I had for funeral cost, rest government grant. Money is tight now. Nobody gets it unless those who already have. This world is mean.

Grief can be very difficult when you have pre-existing mental health conditions, and then suffer a bereavement. Your stepdad was young, and his death unexpected, so there will unfortunately always be a sense of feeling cheated for you and your mum. Feeling guilty is a common theme, but the reality is you shouldn’t, as you and your family tried to do what was best for him, and that’s all he would have ever wanted from you. These are difficult days for you, so please try and be kind to yourself.

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