Beloved husband has gone

We were married for 51 years ,a very happy marriage, we were so lucky to have found each other .
On the 19 September 2018 he was killed in a road accident,. I saw it happen .
As I got to him I could see he had gone , nothing could bring him back.
Over the years we have had problems with our son ,his wife is behind this …Preparing for and at the funeral he was no support, in fact the funeral was on the 15.Oct. and I won’t see him till sometime in the coming week.
I have some wonderful friends who without I don’t think I would have survived…
I can’t see any future ,. I need to find a near by lady friend …but how and where.
JJ and I were so close . I am numb inside and the tears won’t stop.
I understand that it is early days , but I so wish he was back with me.

Hi Maltloaf, im very sorry for your loss ,your nightmare is very new ,take it day by day ,dont pan what you dont have to ,try have some me time to escape ,because your nightmare doesnt need food or sleep ,it patiently wait for you to return to it .Keep coming back here to offload no one will tell you to shut up or go away ,its a wonderful siteColin(im 59 my darling Denise passed on her 41 st birthday 04032016)

Dear Maltloaf, as Colin has said this site is here for you, no judgements just support. My Peter passed last August aged 58, but I still talk to him every day, we were not together as long as you and your hubby. I’m glad you have some good friends to support you, my friends are fantastic too. As for your son, doesn’t look like he will change which is a shame as you need him too. If you can try to arrange for some counselling as it seems like you are still in shock after the tragic way you lost your husband. In the meantime please know we are here for you on the site. Jakkles

When I read that you had been married for all those years I thought maybe you would be more my age. It is hard to talk to people here as although you have the same feelings age is a factor in grief. My husband was 87 when he died and although he was older it makes not a jot of difference to the shock and horror of it all. In some way it may be worse as we had hoped to finish our days relatively close to one another instead of thinking aobout a future. I was my husbands carer although I never thought of myself as such and we were together 24/7. We had mutual friends but our social life was through age and sickness not a busy one. We were however content with our life. I too have had family tensions as this time seems to bring out the worst in some people and the best in others. I hope one day to find a group of people who I can talk to endlessly about my husband who will not start to glaze over. One thing this terrible grief has taught me is to listen to what people are saying and to let them say it over and over again if that is what they want to do as it does help. A hug now and again is also a good thing. You had a terrible shock to see your ohusband like that and it must play over and over in your mind. I am only assuming we are of an age but if you need to talk I would be priviledged to listen and

Hello Florence , thank you for your support .
My husband was 80 five days before he died . He was seven years or so older than myself. We had so much planned ,infact we had only three days before returned from a break on the Yorkshire coast.
He loved hunting for fossils , and took such interest in examining every item that came home with us.
I am still numb and feel I will never come to terms with loosing him.
Am fortunate most of our friends are late 60’s and early 70’s
They appear to understand and are very caring. Our outside home social life was not good , as he was so happy at home ,and delighted in having friends visit us…his interests kept us both very busy.
I have thought about making friends with single ladies ,but think it’s far too soon. I do not want to join a club and I most certainly do not want any men friends …but I live in the countryside so it’s not easy.
Apart from which the tears flow most days.
How are you coping
J.

As I thought you and I are the same age. I wish that I was older so that the time I had left would not be too long. Most days I just go through the motions and now that the funeral is over I have not much to do so the days are very long. I find the mornings and late evenings worse but the tears can flow at any time. I find crying is not a relief it is just exhausting. I have two stepchildren and my husband and I were married for 41 years. It was a second marriage for us both and we were both divorced when fate brought us together. My mum always said it was a marriage planned in heaven. My stepson is controlled by his wife and I resent him because he did not visit his dad nearly enough just phone calls. He has been distant since he died but I think it is guilt. I am not bothered by this at all. I miss all the things you do. His physical presence his voice his smile but most of all his arms around me telling me he adored me. I would give anything to hear that again although it always made me laugh. I have some friends but I feel awkward with them at the moment. I feel like a charity case. All I want is someone to sit whilst I go on and on about my husband without their eyes glazing over. It is impossible for anyone who has not been here to know these depths of despair. I think constantly about how I can join him. Eternity or oblivion either will do. I have no answers as to how to rebuild a life as I don’t want the life that it might be the old one suited us fine. Like you we were home birds and enjoyed each other’s company. He sounded an interesting man your hubby and I expect you had many trips fossil hunting with him just enjoying being together. People tell me memories will help me to heal but all I have st the moment are images of him but I cannot remember anything probably because I am so unhappy. I have no idea what the so called future holds for me I just envisage more of the same. Sorry to ramble on but nice to hear from you. Nice to live in the country where the sky at least is visible rather than rooftops.

Hi…I do understand how you are feeling ,for I feel exactly the same .I never knew such heartache and despair could exist…
Like yours my family could have reacted in a better way. We have just one son and two adult grandchildren, all live a distance away.
Last Saturday I held up well , …no tears , but since then have hardly stopped.
I have also found I can not cope with lots of people around me, I get so agitated and stressed .
Last Sunday our village church had a memorial service / all saints service where all the local dead were remembered . I arrived in tears ,it was not that many weeks since I entered the church behind my darlings coffin .Then I heard his name and the tears rolled down my cheeks. I lit a candle for him ,and as soon as I could I left.
I went to his grave and managed to calm down …infact I became rather annoyed ,as last week I had planted a ring of pansies there , they were so pretty , everyone a large different face and colour, the flowers were all chewed off by rabbits…now I await delivery of a deterrent spray.
Yesterday I had friends arrive for morning coffee and who decided they were staying all day. After they left I was very stressed, did not enjoy that visit at all.
I rang a long distant friend who calmed me down …then rang me back later, we just talk rubbish ,but it helps so much.
I think I have done a silly thing. I have booked a five day break in Scotland the week before Christmas.I need to get away , but it’s somewhere we never went together.
So I won’t be walking over old memories. … If I don’t feel up to joining in I don’t have too,…I live in Lincolnshire …where are you .
J.