Bereavement and the current crisis

Hi I know how you feel, I lost my husband Alan on the 28th January 2020, I feel so desperate and lonely, and this isolation is just the icing of the cake, I just wish I could feel different, nothing helps, I have no interest in anything now. I know alan would not want me to be like this but I can’t seem to find any other way to be,.

Good heavens Lubylou, my heart sincerely goes out to you, to have to cope with this isolation etc hard that first year is. Do you have any family support? I wonder if you might think of talking to your GP about how you’re feeling. It will get easier but that’s not a comfort at this early stage I know. Try and take one half day at a time. Love and hugs xx

Hi thanks for sharing. Similar compound feelings having lost my wife last Mayday and then having daughter in law poorly with c19 symptoms. Slight relief at nieces partner seeming to recover from similar. The rollercoaster emotions to cope with when locked down by yourself take some effort to control when tipped with simple disconnects such as unanswered calls , txts, email. I think that mediums such as this are helping by sharing these emotions and reducing the mental isolation. So again thanks fir sharing

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Hi there, new to this forum. My wife died last night after a long illness and I’m trying to deal with alone due to the current restrictions. My family are 600 miles away and we have no children. Finding life very difficult. I don’t know how I will cope.

AFVFNC, so sorry for the loss of your wife. It is such a terrible thing to happen at the best of times without the added complications of all that is going on in the world at the moment. You must be feeling so alone just now but the people on here are lovely and will support you through this. We have all been where you are and understand how you are feeling and can empathise with you totally. You say you don’t know how you will cope and at this moment it feels like you cant see an end to the hurt & sadness but it will get easier. It is very early days for you & you still have a lot to sort out & organise which you will do on auto pilot. I was like you and just wanted to be with my Husband again when I lost him but 18 weeks down the line I find am at a place of acceptance & although I miss him terribly, especially in these uncertain & unsettling times I am able to cope a bit better. This forum has helped me get through my worst times & I have met some new friends who are always there when I need them so please make full use of us when you need to.
Sending you positive thought
V xx

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Hi MrsColt, thank you for your kind words. Hoping tomorrow I will be a bit more on top of things. 6 cats to look after. I hope they can pull me through this. Alan.

Alan your cats will get you through this. I have a wee Yorkie and it was her that made me get out of bed in the morning or I probably wouldn’t have bothered.
V x

Hi,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife.
Keep posting on here, we’re all here to listen and try and help you to get through this heartbreaking, sad time.
Wow, six cats, I’ve got three and pets do help bless them.
Take care
Steph x

Dear Akhenaten
I am 70, living alone, fit and healthy and I lost my husband nearly 8 months ago. I am still in the midst of grief and this enforced isolation is making things much worse. My family live miles away and although I have many good friends, I cannot see any of them so I feel completely abandoned, lost and lonely. I understand completely how you are feeling with thoughts of your dear mother and your husband. Grief and loss are grossly underestimated as reasons for feeling so low.
I really hope the measures work because I’m not sure how long I can stand solitary confinement. Sending love ,Barbara.

This time of night is not good. We would sit and discuss the worlds problems over a glass of wine. Not having that communication is hurting… Also my house is much too big now, but it is where my memories are. Hope you all sleep well tonight. I miss my wife so much. Alan.

Hi @Pacair, I noticed this was your first post and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your wife last year, and that you are feeling more isolated due to the current lockdown. I’m glad that you have found this site a help.

As well as replying to others, when you feel ready, you may also wish to start a new conversation yourself if there is anything in particular you would like to discuss. How to start a new conversation.

I’m sorry also to hear that your daughter-in-law is ill will possible Covid-19, it must be a very worrying time for the family - sending best wishes for her recovery.

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Dear Barbara, how lovely of you to think of me at such an awful time for you. I honestly can’t begin to imagine how this current situation must be some-one who has so recently your husband… and I totally understand you feeling you’re not sure how long you can cope. I can’t find the words to tell you how much I feel so upset for you at the moment. Yes, you’re right, grief and loss isn’t mentioned at all as a cause for concern which in my book it most certainly is. Try and look after yourself as best you can . Sending you love and hugs Rosemary XX

Dear Rosemary,
Thank you for your reply, it certainly is a comfort to read your post. John was my life and now he is not here I am lost. I can’t go out to see friends which makes the day seem endless and I find everything is such an effort and I worry about even the smallest things. My days are spent crying . If you have a spare moment I should be very grateful to hear from you. Love Barbara x

Dear Barbara I’m more than happy to reply as much as you’d like. I’ve asked admin to forward you my private email address to you but I don’t know if they’re allowed to do that. I completely relate to that feeling of crying a lot and worrying about everything and it must be an absolute nightmare for you at the moment at such an early stage in your loss. It must be so difficult being alone all the time and missing John so much, I know from experience that meeting friends is a lifeline and especially those who have been widowed themselves because no-one understands what we go through unless they’ve been there. Have you spoken to your GP at all about how this is affecting you? I hope you can take some comfort from messaging me as much as you like and know that I’m thinking about you and caring a lot. More love and hugs from Rosemary XXXXXXXX

Dear Rosemary
Thank you for your message of kind and understanding words. My GP has prescribed anti depressants and I take one every night. I don’t know if they are working as I don’t know what I’d be like if I was not taking them.
I feel so hopeless Rosemary, that life has no meaning, no enjoyment and I don’t want to carry on with an empty existence. My friends who are widows themselves, do help with phone calls but I would much rather see them because I am very lonely. You are right in saying that no one really understands who has not experienced the loss of their husband. My daughter who lives away does not phone but thankfully my son rings every evening. He is a lifeline for me although he is in Sheffield with his family. I feel so wretched and cannot seem to raise myself up out of the heartbreak. Love Barbara x

Hi Barbara,
This is just to let you know that I’ve edited your post above to remove your email address.

Our terms and conditions ask you not to publish your contact details or identifying information on our site. This is to protect your own privacy and security.

Please remember that this is a public community, so remaining anonymous is the best way to stay safe. If you’d like to contact another member more privately, you can send them a private message through the site. For more information on how to use private messages, please see our help section.

If there’s anything I can help with, just let me know.
Best wishes,
Mick
Online Community team

Thank you Mike, I appreciate your care.
Barbara

Dear Pat,
I do not believe for one minute that you waffle on, you always give a sympathetic out look on our heartbreaking situations and I thank you.
Mary x x x x

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Lubylou1
So sorry you are feeling this way but what you are describing is perfectly normal. Be kind to yourself and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and plodding on. One day you will suddenly notice you feel a little better and then the next. It’s hugely difficult just now because of the isolation, so, so much worse for you but that will pass too. Make sure you are eating properly when you can. The food you eat can make a massive difference to how you feel too but it’s often the first thing to be neglected when grieving. Not only do you not feel like eating but often can’t get food down for the lump in your throat. Push yourself to get out for a walk each day if you can. It may help. You are not alone though, you have people on here who care. Me included.

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