Bereavement anxiety

Hi. Natalija. You are going through about the worst experience anyone can. Loss hits at our very heart and soul. Anxiety is almost certain to follow. Every symptom you describe can be caused by anxiety. But if you have not already done so see your GP if only for reassurance. This ‘out of body’ experience is one of Mr. Anxieties’ little tricks. It’s disconcerting and upsetting. Now let me tell you something you may find it impossible to believe. What you are going through is perfectly normal in the circumstances you find yourself in Yes, honest, it is. Anxiety has an arsenal of tricks it can play and the secret lies in letting it all happen with utter acceptance. No fighting or struggling with ‘IT’. Its a fight you can never win. I went through all that many years ago so I do speak from experience, although it was not bereavement that caused it. It does pass if allowed to. Antidepressants and tranquilisers can help initially but a good dose of acceptance works as well. You are NOT going crazy. Dismiss that idea from your mind. It’s a false assumption. You, and most of us here are on ‘autopilot’. We just go through the motions from day to day. But we need to look ahead if only a little way. It passes. Everything passes given the right attitude. If you feel in the least suicidal give Samaritans a ring or see your GP again. Sue Ryder Admin can help you find the right place to go.
Take special care of yourself. It’s all part of this awful process we call grief.
Very best wishes to you. John.

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Hi John,

Thank you very much for your kind words and such a warm reply. It means a lot, as I find that is very difficult to get understanding in regards to this, or people not to look at me very concerned when I say these things…or just not knowing what to say… thank you for your reassurance that I am not going crazy. Honestly it helps so much. I have been telling this to myself all day and I feel so much better, telling myself it is normal and it’s just anxiety kicking in. I might try antidepressants, but will try and cope without them as much as I can, with acceptance. I have ordered a lot of books on grief I hope they will help. I came to this forum with no expectations, but I am so touched by your caring reply, thank you John, I hope you are well as well. Natalija

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@Natalija I’m passing through same situation like you. I lost my beloved dad whom I haven’t seen in three years in July, I felt really bad for weeks and moved on ( so I thought). Two months later I lost a dear friend to breast cancer, it took me all back to my dad’s death and I began to feel terrible again. I wasn’t feeling so bad Initially because I felt I would attend my dad’s funeral where I could see families and feel a lot better being around them but as the new lockdown rules started, I knew it might not be possible to attend because the funeral was abroad. All of a sudden I started having the worst feelings, I became sad, I stopped sleeping at nights. Everything started happening to me all at once. One time I was trying to fix something for my kids In the kitchen and I started loosing my breath ( I had to call ambulance). Nothing made sense to me anymore. Whenever I’m left alone I begin to have weird thoughts like I will die. I begin to imagine the worst things. Nothing makes me happy anymore. The normal pains I feel when I breastfeed my son, I started associating it with breast cancer. I became so vulnerable In my thoughts that Whenever I close my eyes to sleep I will open my eyes quickly because Of fear of death . I spoke to my Gp and blood test was carried out but everything came out normal. I remember waking up one morning feeling so tired and weak with lots of chest pain ( it happens all the time because I don’t sleep well) so I asked my husband to check my blood pressure and on the process of checking it, I started having panic attack and ambulance was called again. I was taken to the hospital and had ECG carried out as well as another blood test but my heart was ok and no problem with the test results. That’s when the dr told me I might be having anxiety and panic attacks. Well now I know what it is I’m starting to feel better although the thought of my dad and my friend are still in my head. I also feel a bit relieved knowing that there are people going through the same thing with me. I’m also open to suggestions on how to feel better because I have little ones to take care of especially when my husband goes to work . It’s been two weeks since the funeral of my dad and I’m trying to learn to live with the fact that I won’t see my dad again. I’ve never passed through this and it’s the worst feeling ever.

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I go through days of feeling fine then all of a sudden ‘wham’ back feeling weird again, I have this recurring image in my headstone of my own grave, it’s horrible and sometimes I have to get up and switch the TV on, no matter what the time of the night to try and take my mind of it, I know it’s something we can’t avoid but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Yesterday was a good day until I started to feel anxious because my daughter was complaining of a sore head, typical me, I went straight into over thinking mode thinking she was experiencing a hemorrhage or a brain tumor…

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@Janie1 thank you for sharing your story, your experience sound terrible, one loss after another… my sincere condolences :bouquet: I totally understand what you are saying… the state in which you have been calling out ambulance… I had a panic attack just by sitting and watching tv… it’s horrible, and at the moment you feel like dying yes, it is so scary… what helped me a little bit in the moment is saying to myself ‘I am safe’ again and again… and try to get up and so something maybe take a shower, I know it sounds next to impossible… I couldn’t breath… luckily my girlfriend was with me and I have counted my breath in for 6 and out for 6… normally it lasts 20/30 minutes… the best is no just ride it out… but I feel so low today as well and felt like having one at work yesterday, there isn’t much I can recommend otherwise as I am still figuring this out myself… you also have little ones to look after, it must be so difficult to you. I also though I was fine for about a month … and then it all started to surface… I now signed up with a grief councillor as I struggle to process it,. I also don’t know how live without her, I know exactly what you mean. Trying to think that they are still with us, just not physics, and most importantly they do know how much we love them… I hope we the time we start to feel better :heart:

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@Niall it’s so hard yes… I get flashbacks of my grannies face in the coffin… they made her look like not herself… and I almost developed this fear of killing myself as I feel so out of touch with myself as in I got this fear related death as well… like it triggered something…it’s also comes like flashback, it’s not the best experience… I hope with the time possible we will feel better… thank you for sharing your experience x

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@Natalija thank you very much for the encouraging words. Sorry for what you are going through too, hopefully by being here and hearing from lots of people, our healing processes will be quicker.
@Niall70 sorry for your loss too, everything will be fine.

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Just wanted to share I haven’t been out a lot but I had to go to a doctor’s appointment 2 hours away on the highway. I didn’t drive not ready for that. My son died in a car accident not on the highway but just a regular road , but my anxiety was high about traveling. Got in the car sat down we started going and I could feel the anxiety starting up inside of me. So what I chose to do was sit there with that feeling and just feel it and feel how it really felt it was fear. Fear that we might get an accident. The road reminding me of my son’s accident. I had panic attack probably about 30 years ago while I was going through a divorce, and I read a book I can’t remember what it was but it taught me that technique so I wouldn’t go into panic and if I did just let it ride. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t easy to just sit there and feel that feeling , but I did It and on the way back home my anxiety had lessened and made it back home safely.

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Naill70 my mum has anxiety and panic attacks and Iv got her doing guided meditation if this works it has to be better than medication . My late husband was a Buddhist and in the early days I did guided meditation and then I did meditation using Buddhist monks using the mantra for lost loved ones and I truly felt a connection to rob , weather it worked or it was psychological who cares it gave me some comfort . Take care and keep talking :heart:

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