bereavment

My wife died from a heart attack due to suffering with COPD , I’m finding it hard to cope even remembering the good times upsets me, I feel guilty that I couldn’t save her on the night she died, We were married for 42 years I just can’t believe I’ll never ever see her again. My heart is truly broken.
Yes I have family around me and they help and they all think I’m coping really well but I’m not really, they don’t see me on my own.
I guess some of it is self pity and another part is feeling so sorry for my poor wife. and the fact nothing is going to be the same ever again.
John.

Hi John,
I am so sorry to hear that your wife has died and that you’re finding it hard to cope. It’s good to hear that you have family around you, but I understand it is difficult being seen to be coping by others, when you know that when you are alone it’s very different. I hope this community is a welcoming place to turn when you are on your own.

Whilst you’re waiting for some replies to your post you may find it helpful to read and perhaps reply to posts in the Losing a Partner category: https://support.sueryder.org/community/losing-partner

There are many people in this community going through something similar and I hope you find this to be a supportive place to share your experiences and how you’re feeling.

Take care,
Eleanor

Hi John
I’m sorry for the loss of your wife , I to lost my wife 6weeks ago , I don’t really have any answers for you on how you will be feeling other than that there are lots of people going through similar experiences on this site ,and many including me are finding it difficult to cope , I have and I am going through many different emotions with my loss , I have found a little comfort in reading through a lot of the posts on here which are sad but make me realise that there are a lot of people in the same boat, it’s never going to be easy, but people do care .jon

Hi Jon
Same here , It has helped reading the other posts , Some days seams like I’m getting there then other days I’m in bits ,Just watching a holiday program can set me off knowing that that’s not going to happen again.
Sometimes thought it was me being a bit soft but now I realise we are all in the position. Just have to take one day at a time. John.

Thanks Sheila
My wife’s name was Sheila ,
Yes COPD is a terrible disease my wife was a non smoker it all started with mild asthma symptoms gradually getting worst over the years,The last 8 years or so she really struggled she had to leave work her social life came to a near stop which in it self made her very depressed, Then about 18 months ago she woke with pains in her arm and neck ,as I phone for an ambulance she just collapsed on the floor in front of me and she was gone.
This image keeps going over and over in my head and the first few months I thought I would crack up.
18 months on it’s still raw, but I do have better days now, some times a week then a couple of bad days ,so I suppose it is getting a tad better as time goes on,
It’s a case of living with it, you will never forget it. :frowning:
Sheila was only 59 when her heart gave up.
Sorry for going on ,Hope this helps ,it helps me to share.
John.

I lost my husband in October 2017 we had been to

I lost my husband to in October 2017 we had been together 2 7 years I was just thinking tonight laying in bed and imagine he coming through the door I am lucky I have a young Familyi am 48 I feel most lonely when they’re at school as I was my husband carer I didn’t work and as my youngest is still only 8 I feel time can heal the pain of losing your wife I the comfort of people’s thoughts on this site may help you best wishes

Hi Jon, I’ve not been on the site for a while. I know what you’re going through, I went out with my husband cycling and came back without him. He had a massive heart attack whilst en route back home. He was about two miles from the house. That was seven years ago. It feels like yesterday. Friends and family think I am coping admirably. I’m not. Some days are obviously good, but if never leaves me. That sense of sudden loss. I think in my case, due to the timescale, people tend to think that you’ve ‘moved on’ but sadly that is not entirely true. I wish you all the very best with your journey. You are certainly not alone.
x

Thanks for sharing Annette-Louise So sorry for your loss as well,
I think a lot of it is we are all still in shock ,I know in time things will get better but nothing can prepare you for losing a loved one. It’s like part of you died that day and getting to grips with the fact it will never be the same again is very hard.
Today I’m fine but another day ,?
It has really helped seeing this is the norm to feel like this, I was wondering " Is it just me that feels like this" Now I know no it’s not.
Thank you all for your input and wish you all well.
XX John.

No problem John. I just wish I’d found this site years ago. A friend of mine text me last night to say that she had lost her husband (57). I was in total shock. (Brings it all back…) Going to see her today.

We have to grab onto the good days and accept that there will be the bad ones and at least we do know that we are certainly not suffering this loss alone. Our partners would not wish to see us living in ;limbo land’. Life after all, is for the living. xxx

XX

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