Bewildered & down but brave facing

I understand what’s happened; I’m 45 and Alan the man who made me happy, my husband died. He was 54 and suffered a brain tumour. Out of the blue but three years of tough times. Nothing can prepare you for the void. I am trying to connect with him to keep myself sane but it’s a difficult thing to do. It’s my mind thinking I’ve forgotten to phone him, as in if he’s not here I should be able to and there’s a dead end. Desperately seeking some confirmation of life after death as means of comfort and then find these realisations. Even if I can be lucky enough that there is somewhere to go to after death and we will be reunited, together as it should be; his Mum is getting on; do I/we get “pestered” up there too? I have a headache doing simple admin tasks, have no energy, two kids to raise, miss him at every turn and I’m worrying about the ordeal that is my relationship with his mother in the heavenly realm to an extent but more pressing I have to deal with her here. The bigger problem is that I can find peace that I will get to go there with him and find a way to live with this torment until I do. It has been a month. I will always love him.

Hello, I have really enjoyed reading your post and I am still smiling at the thought of finding there is a beautiful place after leaving here and finding someone who spends all their time ‘pestering’ us.
I do hope there is a beautiful place and it helps us get through the horrible days.
Headache, tummy ache in fact most aches and pains are all normal in those first weeks because you are both physically and mentally at a low ebb. The void is a feeling that stays for sometime and I feel it is still there for me and I am further down this grieving road. You sound a strong lady and you will get through this and become even stronger. Please give your children an extra hug from me. S xx

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Thank you for your response. I’m sorry for your loss, my heart thumped at that. A big thank you for your encouragement. I can hold on better to what I need to do because someone listened to me, so thank you xx