It’s been 2 years since my husband died & this year I’ve decided I need to try & live not just survive. I changed my social media photo to a recent one of just me. I know it doesn’t sound much but it’s a massive step. I’ve got to live in the present, look to the future & make memories that my husband Derek will be proud of. I can’t yet bring myself to empty his wardrobe but baby steps. He made me what I am so he’ll always be part of me, I feel I need to stop wishing my life away. A photo memories video came up a couple of days ago on the 2nd anniversary of his funeral & they made me smile more than cry, that’s progress. It’s not going to be easy & I know I’ll have wobbles but that’s ok, grief is the price of great love & I’ll learn to live alongside it. I just hope this post gives people hope. Take care everyone
Thank you for sharing an encouraging post. Grief is about baby steps and you have recognised this. There is no rush to empty your husbands wardrobe. It is not something you have to do, only do it when you feel ready.
Your post is very positive and speaks volumes as to your progress since your husband has died.
It is still ok to cry and have a wobble. This is all perfectly normal, so when this does happen please do not be hard on yourself. You are doing really well and we are always here for you when you need us.
I’m sorry about the loss of your husband Derek.
Thanks for your post and for sharing your thoughts.
It’s only 7 months since my partner Sunny died aged 57, in ITU. Its been very traumatic, and still is.
In 2019 and 2020 we used to go to two quarries not far from us, and I’d swim, he’d have a dip and we’d have a picnic. They were some of our happy little trips out together. Both of these quarries do scuba diving as well and we used to sit and watch the divers. I said that I’d love to try it. He said “yes OK babe as long as you’re careful”.
Anyway, I’d booked the PADI scuba course and then of course cancelled it when he suddenly became ill and died. But in October I had a sudden need to get it done. The several hours of e-learning distracted me from my racing thoughts and distress in the evenings, and then I did the course over two weekends at one of the quarries in November just gone. After some wobbles and one major panic attack at 8 metres under water, (which I don’t recommend!) I passed my Open Water Scuba course. When I felt anxious before a descent, I’d look over at the bench Sunny and I used to sit on, and get strength from him.
A couple of people have suggested that if I’ve managed to do that, then I must be fine now. Well I’m not, very far from it. The reason I did it was about trying to survive and to help shape some sort of future life for myself., doing something I know he’d have been proud of. We had no children together so I can’t live my life around kids and grandkids. So I will join a diving club and will hope to meet new friends and get to go on a dive trip or two.
My point in saying all this is, I guess, that I strongly agree with everything you say about needing to live rather than just existing. My whole life and all my motivation for the future was wrapped up in Sunny, in “us” and the loss of that identity has made me feel destroyed as a person. -all the horrible emptiness of "Who am I now? " thoughts. I think that very many of us would say our partner was our best friend, lover, confidante, advisor, etc etc etc. and losing all that is losing everything. Many of us grieving the loss of our partner didn’t have hobbies or interests outside the relationship because the relationship was everything. So for me, finding ways to live my life without him physically there, but always, ALWAYS in my heart, is what I must explore and what he would want for me, because he loved me so much.
With love to you and all of us on here
Well done @Jodel712, your words give me some hope that perhaps this half life I’m living without my dear husband can in some way get better. I need to get better.
My best to you xx
Hi @ Jodel1712
I am so sorry for your loss and it is nice to hear you are improving now. I also lost my husband of 42 years about 18 months ago. It has been awful and like you, I seem to be coping better now. My gran used to say you have to look to the living when you lose someone, not the dead. If only it were that easy!
My husband had health issues most of our married life, he had cancer at the age of 28, massive treatment but fought and won his battle. 40 years later it returned, having had open heart surgery inbetween. I am so proud of his fighting spirit. He always told me I had to carry on with my life if anything happened to him. I have been lucky to have had such a wonderful man for so long and will carry on in his memory like you.
It is good to read such positive posts as we emerge from that dark tunnel. Xx
Today for me is day 41 since Rachel was knocked down and taken away in the blink of an eye. I know it’s early days for me but reading your post and its positivity is encouraging and gives me hope, so for that I thank you very much.
I’m 40 in a few weeks time and I know that Rachel would want me to be happy that’s all she ever wanted and although in the here and now that seems impossible I do believe that I will get there.
Thank you for sharing your progress and I hope you continue to move forward and keep on making derek proud. I hope to make Rachel proud too.
Thankyou jodel your a inspiration it’s 13 month since the love of my life passed trying my best to get through life got 2wonderfull children and a granddaughter so trying to move forward lv annie x