Birthday without my Mum

Hello everyone, I’ve been reading through messages and it helps to know lots of us have so much sadness to work through. I know I’m not alone but this week it feels more like I am. It will be 7 months tomorrow since my Mum died suddenly. Alongside my birthday, the only one without her. It just seems I have so much pain in my heart. I have a twin sister who is so ill with addiction that it brings more pain and I’m busy protecting my Dad. I just want to hide under the covers and stay there. I just wanted to write it down. Thanks for reading when I know it is likely you are going through similar things.

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Hello @Ham, I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.

The first birthday after losing a parent can trigger a range of feelings - it sounds like it is especially difficult for you as your twin is ill. I hope that you can find a way to mark the day that’s right for you, if you want to.

I wanted to share a few of our Sue Ryder resources with you too in case they can bring you some extra support and comfort right now.

Please do keep reaching out - you are not alone.

Take care
Seaneen

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Hi Ham,

I’m sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad in November 2022, two months after a cancer diagnosis. My dad and I were very close and I miss him terribly.

Each month when the 15th comes around its a painful reminder that it’s been another month since losing dad. There have been a lot of firsts in close succession since losing dad and each one of them was vastly different than when he was here.

It was my birthday 2 weeks ago and the first one without dad and I found it very difficult. It didn’t feel special and nor did I want it to because the person I love the most wasn’t there. I spent most of the afternoon on my own thinking about dad and to be honest I was glad when it was over.

Try to do whatever you need to get through the day. I’m sorry that your sister is unwell, it must be very difficult to have that worry whilst grieving for your mum and taking care of your dad.

There are lots of people here who understand.
Take care.
Xx

Hi Katherine, Thankyou that means a lot, thankyou for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, things are just so different now. I have a feeling I will be the same- glad to get through another day but just quiet with my own thoughts. My husband doesn’t really seem to understand how bad it all is and I try to put on a brave face so I don’t upset anyone. I’m sure you know what I mean.
Thankyou again and I hope you are alright. xx

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Hi
I lost my wife Jackie Feb 2022 and would say do things where possible at your own pace. If your dad lived in rented you may have a short time scale but iI only passed on some of my wife’s clothes (to a lady’s refuge) after about 6 months but still have lots of items packed away until I’m ready. You may feel guilty some days especially special days (I do) because you may feel you shouldn’t enjoy yourself. It’s easy for people to say that our loved ones would want us to carry on and enjoy ourselves (which may be true) but it’s not always easy to actually do it. It doesn’t matter if you have a bad day. You will also have good days. I believe we find a new normal way of life walking our path with our loved ones in our heart, tell them what you’re doing, how you’re feeling but try and remember how they felt when you achieved something, when you told them something you was excited about. There is no time frame to grief, there is no road map to follow, we make it up as we go along (just like life before) but do it how you want not how others want you to do it. Stay strong and true to yourself x

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Hi Ham,

I hope you are doing ok today. I am thinking of you.

Xx

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