Birthday

Hi Alan,oh the Kent marshes I havn’t been there but john my husband has, I bet it is still a nice place to go.I didn’t know at first that you can use your real name on this site so called myself skylark,my name is Debbie but I won’t confuse use so I will continue to use skylark.hope you have a not to bad of a day

Hi Alan

Glad you did something good for your Helen on 28th. Birdwatching sounds perfect, I am not brilliant at identifying them myself but did enjoy it. Very restful i think, unless a crowd of twitchers descend because of something uber rare.

I met an old work colleague that day and was treated to lunch, must have been good as i can’t remember travelling home!

Mel

Oh dear, don’t worry, two and half years and I put flowers where we put his ashes and for cards I brought out olds I have both from and from him, it helped, I think. Do what feels right for you, we are all different. Be your own person, grief has no rules.its what’s right for you and it’s very personal.

Hi Mel
I am a bit late in catching up with posts. One thing about bird watching is that it takes you out of yourself for a while, and it sounds as though lunch with your old colleague did exactly the same! Hope you are managing to sort things and that you can your troublesome relative at arms length.
Take care
Alan

Have lots of olds as we never threw away cards from each other, will remember for the future. Although I know what you mean by being your own person, I feel that I am still finding out what that person is, separate from being with Helen my wife. Having said that, I have a number of photos of Helen dotted around and if I am not being myself I just need to look at her smile - it keeps me honest. You are certainly right about grief having no rules.
Best regards
Alan

My husband died early December and our anniversary is next week - not the official wedding anniversary, but our special day when we realised we were inseparable (more important than the wedding!). I kept the little plastic card holders from the funeral wreaths and plan use them to display a poem or message on a card, cover it in plastic and plant it at his grave and maybe a copy of a favourite photograph or something. I plan to do things like that at all different occasions, anniversaries, birthdays, fathers day etc and keep his grave renewed with different things as the year progresses. For me his grave is a special place where I can go and be with him and talk to him. If I was allowed I’d probably camp there! Not for everyone, but it helps me to keep going back to the cemetery, I almost wish he was buried in the back garden, just want to be near him. I love the idea of playing music. I like the way the cemetery is full of that sort of stuff, I noticed that families put all sorts of decorations and mementoes around, keeps the place alive.

Hi Moz

I know what you mean about the grave being a special place, and camping in the cemetery sounds like a very nice idea. I visit my wife’s every Sunday morning. Sometimes I can’t find any words, apart from sometimes a prayer, sometimes I tell her about what has been going on, but I am constantly speaking to her in my mind anyway so I am just telling her what she knows already - if I am fooling myself here at least it’s only me I’m fooling. Her cemetery is very touching with all the decorations and mementos for children - it makes you realise how lucky in comparison you can be.
Best wishes
Alan

I realise that her birthday date has now passed. The 3 rd one will come for me in April. There isn’t a right way to remember her. On the previous 2 I spent the day with one of my sons. I also used the just giving method of donating to the local Marie Curie where she spent her last 2 weeks. The way you chose may be different to me but if it helped you it may be worth doing it next year

I think it’s lovely that you go to her grave every week. I’ve just been to see Barry this morning, it’s sad to see his funeral flowers dying away, but while I was standing there muttering at him, a little feather floated down and landed by me, I picked it up and brought it home, I do these silly things but it’s all part of the sad journey I think. Best wishes to you.

Hi Moz

“these silly things” are so important though, I always keep an eye open for what birds might be keeping Helen company in the cemetery (last week there was a Goldcrest - if you don’t know this smart little bird Google it and you will see why I was pleased to know it was there). I left Helen’s funeral flowers on her grave for months, I just couldn’t bear to move them. I am now keeping our local florists in business as there are now 4 vases plus a bowl of violas. The journey will have brighter moments and Barry will always be with you in your heart. Take care, Alan.

Thanks Alan, and yes I know what a beautiful bird a Goldcrest is - how lovely.