Birthdays, so difficult!!

Hi everyone, so now it’s the 27th August. It’s my first birthday without my lovely husband. It hurts more than I thought, and that’s saying something. I used to love my birthday, Rich would have had some amazing presents for me, we would be going for a curry with the kids. Never will I enjoy my birthday again.
Yes I’m feeling really sorry for myself, how sad is that !!!

Lesley xx

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My partner and I used to enjoy clubbing together. The way I got over avoiding clubs was finding my hobby of playing jazz intersecting with the same venue, and new memories of enjoying myself with friends balance the pain out.
It still hurts like anything though.
I and I hope other people feel sorry for you, as the person closest to your own pain, it would be worrying if you weren’t sorry for yourself, it’s right and good and can fuel your self care.
Keep up the good fight,
A

Hi Lesley, I think we are perfectly entitled to feel sorry for ourselves. Life has dealt us a lousy hand. I managed to get through my birthday on 22nd August but it was hard. Perhaps next year will be easier --who knows. Take care x

Hi Toria,
It has really been tough today. I still keep asking, why us ? How has this happened to Rich, to us ? I don’t think I have even processed it yet. I can’t take it in.

Lesley x

Hi Lesley
on night shift and just seen your post.
Wishing you a late happy birthday although I know you probably didnt have one.
As for feeling sorry for yourself as Toria says I think we are all entitled to that.
life just sucks
take care
William

Thanks William.how are things with you ? How is your lovely granddaughter?

Lesley

Hi
She is absolutely gorgeous.
Not a good week for me mixed emotions happy at start of week then i went out to my sons football match on wednesday and came home for the first time to an empty home.That has really hit me hard and then on saturday my kids were all staying with their partners so had my first full night alone I didnt speak to anyone from 5pm sat to 3pm on sunday.
It just hits home the life I am facing now, one I dont want.
Sorry for being so down on your birthday just feel that I am back to week one again.

William

Don’t worry about being down, it wasn’t really a birthday. I have decided I’m not marking the day anymore. There doesn’t seem to be any point.
So Ella is lovely, I’m glad you have her in your family now, treasure every moment with her.
I know what you mean about coming home to an empty house, it’s horrible. How are we going to get used to this new way of life?

Lesley

Hi I dont want to get used to it I want my old life back i am just existing now if it wasnt for Ella and my kids who really need me then I dont know where i would be. The pain and longing is too much.

william

I know, I feel exactly the same. I have to keep telling myself that the kids need me, and they do. My son Alex is 25 and tonight he went to bed and said, mum come and lay with me for a while. How lovely is that, made me think that I have done quite a good job of being his mum !! Sometimes I don’t want to go on, but then things like that makes me realise that I still have a role to play here.

Lesley

yes they do need us and sometimes i worry about letting them down.
Mums like you and margaret seem to know exactly what the kids need and i worry that i am not doing the right things and getting everything wrong.
In my home Margaret was the one who knew everything about the kids and what they needed and were feeling i was just sitting in the background.I am terrified that i wont be able to step into her shoes and help the kids with whatever they need.
I feel so scared all the time

william

You won’t get it wrong. Just being there for them is the main thing. It’s all new for us, we can’t feel the shoes of our loved ones, but we can do our best to try. Hope the night shift went ok.

Lesley

Hope U don’t mind me jumping in just been reading through ur messages … I’m so so sorry for ur losses … my husband past away 6 weeks ago aged 36 … and I’m constantly worried about my two little ones … they are 4 and five … how much shall I talk about daddy to them … there so young I’m frightened they will forget him … but I don’t want to make them sad either … I feel like I never stop talking about him …I don’t know where the balance is … all while I’m going through hell my self …was our wedding anniversary few days ago … I felt the need to tell them and then got upset that they didn’t seem interested…

Hi,
I’m so sorry for your loss. 36 is just too young, I can’t imagine how you are coping. I don’t know the correct answer, but if it was me I would be talking to them lots about their daddy, because I wouldn’t want them to forget him. I talk about my husband all the time, to my kids and family and friends. I just feel the need too. It’s what gets me through.
I hope you are getting help and support?

Lesley

Hi
My goodness I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my wife 8 weeks ago she was 51. As Lesley says keep talking to the little ones about their daddy remember all the happy times not only does it help them it will also help you. I found talking about my wife to anyone who would listen very helpful and keep posting on here someone will always reply without judgement.
Please take care
William

Hi William
I totally get that I don’t want to get used to it either nor do I want to put it behind me I’m scared Suzanne will fade away and I can’t face that it’s just unrelenting agony … David

Hi William
I totally get that I don’t want to get used to it either nor do I want to put it behind me I’m scared Suzanne will fade away and I can’t face that it’s just unrelenting agony … David

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