Bleak

Hello, I lost my husband 11 weeks ago to wretched cancer. He was my very best friend. We had been together 24 years. We spent every spare minute together when not working as we so loved each other’s company. Struggling so much without him. But then I feel guilty as I know he would be sad at me being so upset. I know it sounds daft but I also worry that by needed him near me am I stopping him from going on to wherever they go on to. I have been unable to move any of his stuff, his toothbrush is still next to mine etc. All the cards are still up. I even make sure his IPhone and IPad are kept fully charged. He was only 57. So unfair.
Do others feel like this?
Just joined this site, found it by accident.

Hello Sanny…its understandable you feel upset …your husband has been a big part of your life for 24 years and the very person you want with you is not physically there …my own thought is that our loved ones will always remain by our sides in spirit …that thier love in life will continue in death …your husband would not want you to feel guilt for wanting him still close to you…like you I lost my soulmate so i empathise totally with you …sending the best of warm wishes x

Morning
So sorry I feel just like you ,although it’s very early days for you my husband did of cancer in February very sudden and he was 57 were had been married 32 years ,just like you I couldn’t touch his toothbrush and check his phone everyday .
I’m not going to see it gets easier I cry every day he was your friend partner everything so you will never forget ,but I hope you have a good family friends who will help you through this terrible grief sending you a hug if you want to chat please do x

Hi Sanny. I lost my husband around the same time as you. It’s hell on earth, isn’t it. You asked if anyone else feels the same as you and I do. I am quite sure lots of others do too, so you are not alone. I could have written your post! For practical reasons, I need to sell his car and it is breaking my heart as he loved it. I thought about keeping it but it is much bigger than I need, and I have my own little car already. There are so many decisions to be made but I think the answer is not to rush. Most things can wait and perhaps after a while you will feel more able to cope. Look after yourself and stay safe. Ann x

Hi very sorry for for loss. Coming up 6 months with me I have Micks tooth brush next to mine I have his jeans still on the hook of bed last thing he wore l looked at them today and thought he would be asking me to wash them. They need washing now. We are all different I have not rid of anything some do weeks months in I can’t I love his stuff around me. Micks phone is charged every day . Mick was 64 again cancer. Sending lots of love I feel my husband around me xx

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Sorry for your loss I lost my partner of 21. Years in November unexpectedly to lung cancer did not know he had it I still have his toothbrush in bathroom dressing gown etc hanging on the bed for me I can’t bear yet to move anything so your not alone with this thoughts with you

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Thank you Bab1 x

I am so glad I am not alone in these feelings. Thank you for your reply. It helps talking with people who know exactly what you mean xx

Yes Anner it certainly is. We had to sell our car whilst he was having chemo to help with finances so thankfully that I do not have to do. Xx

I am like that with his dressing gown. I hug it to me to sleep but hate the thought of washing it yet. Xx

Thank you. I really helps reading your posts. I do not feel quite so alone now xx

Hi and welcome
I am so sorry for your loss
I lost my partner 11 wks ago tomorow he was 42 and different circumstances i am still having a rollercoaster of emotions this has been happening since feb when i thought i was going to loose him last few days ive been so angry today not too bad but missing him so much its horrible i hate feeling like this but i know he isnt coming back i havent sorted any my partners things out yet x

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Fg15

My heart goes out to you. It is just so very bleak isn’t it. I too range from heartache to anger. X

Hello Sanny. I found this place by accident too. Don’t go away - you’ll be surprised what strange ways people can help, even when they don’t realize they are doing it. I’m not at all surprised you are struggling. Count the time by all means, but try not to attach any meaning to it. We all know the theories about all grieving in our own way, taking our own time, but the good thing about being among these good people is they either have been or are going through something similar, not the same by any stretch of the imagination, but similar. I have been astounded by the honesty about the time aspect - some people feel wretched for a little while, then cope, then fall apart a bit, then recover. Others don’t. I’m not surprised you can’t move any of your husband’s stuff. It’s only 11 weeks. You’re in a mess because your head is trying to make sense of it, and it will take as long as it takes. It really will. That’s not theory or empty words. just take a read around in here. Months, years, it all means nothing. Oh, and this next bit is delivered in a “stern” voice : don’t think anything you write or think “sounds daft”. You can stop all that. I’m trying to, apologizing for thinking :so I will if you will. Take care.

Hi wil58
Yes I will keep looking at this site even if I do not post. It does help reading other people’s stories and struggles. I feel it so alone now.
I realise that time does not really have any meaning in grief. What will be will be. I know that one day I will learn to live with my loss, learn to live a different life, but I also know I shall never be the same again. I shall certainly not be saying “does this sound daft” again. LOL
Thank you

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Hi Sanny
I am full of admiration at your attitude. I am much further along the road of grief than you but you are quite right we do learn to live this different life and know that we will never be the same again and that we will carry them in our hearts always. This is what we are now and I have found that it is best to accept it and adapt.
Stay with the forum and join in. How many times have I said that it is time for me to leave and still I keep coming back on to have a ‘chat.
Take care
xx’

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Thank you Pattie. Please do stay on this forum as I said earlier, people like you are giving me the strength and make me feel less alone.
I guess we are now like a special gang, none of us wanted to join but we must stick together and support each other now we are in it. Xx

I know how you feel lost my beloved husband 6 weeks ago after 52 years together I can see no future without him and Am really considering suicide

Remember to breathe

Oh my dear… you have to be gentle with yourself. 6 weeks is such a short time. Your husband’s death is a terrible trauma to mind, spirit and body. Grief takes us down roads we don’t want to go. We are so vulnerable in our sorrow. Our future does look bleak. Take it one day at a time - one hour at a time. Try to eat well and get some contact with nature - this will help you heal .
I am almost 69, and alone (no family). So far I’ve managed to get through 15 months. It’s been the hardest, most painful experience of my life. Some days are good now and some are bad.
I urge you to obtain some immediate counselling if you are considering suicide. I know for myself that is not the answer. My husband did not want to die. He would expect me to keep living, so I shall.
Please look after yourself! I know there will be more replies from those who know how you feel. I hope you can find strength in them…