5 weeks ago I lost my Marky. Nothing is easing this horrific pain. I cry all the time, scream in the car, my heart is so heavy and my brain won’t comprehend what has happened. I just feel I want to be wherever he is. I cant stand this pain its too much
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Oh Paula, I’m so sad for you. I know that feeling of utter disbelief and helplessness . I’ve screamed in the car and out on walks. You’ll feel that you can’t stand it but you will. You probably won’t think you’ll ever feel any different. It’s 6 months since my husband died suddenly and the shock was horrendous followed eventually by realisation that it had actually happened. I still cry most days and feel totally bereft sometimes. It can be a lonely place but this site is full of kind people who know how you feel. Post whenever you need to. There’s always somebody who cares. Take care x
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I just have no purpose,nothing seems relevant anymore. This pain is too much i just miss him with all my heart.
How am I supposed to move on without him. I just dont think this pain will ever ease. It hurts so much
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Hi Paula, I’m so sorry to hear your suffering. When my wife died on Christmas day I spent the first couple of months continuously crying in pain but there became a time when I felt more calm. I still have dark days but it’s not always like that. I found walking in nature a great help as the exercise helps reduce the anxiety and I feel closer to my wife out in the beauty that nature offers us.
Wishing you all the strength you will need
Tom
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Hi, Paula.
I know exactly how you feel. My darling husband died 10 weeks ago today. I still cry every day, but not all day any more. I sometimes go out in the car to find somewhere remote to scream as I don’t want the neighbours to panic and call the police. If I was religious and believed in an afterlife I would probably already have found a way to join him. I keep trying to remember the good times rather than the sad end of his life.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel. I lost my partner seven months ago and still feel like that some days. I’m alone in the house and it’s detached so I can scream without worrying about the neighbours. What you’re feeling is normal for profound grief. It’s overwhelming and takes over your life. At five weeks you’re probably still in a state of shock. Anxiety, brain fog and that huge void which can’t be filled is the order of the day. If you have family or friend support embrace it as it’s more difficult trying to manage alone. I wouldn’t say I feel better as such but at six months I found the brain fog and memory loss had lifted a bit. It sounds like a cliché but you really have to take one day at a time. I still cry every day and I’m still angry my partner was taken when had so much to live for. Take care and keep posting on here.
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Dear Paula!
It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? I’m struggling to survive as well, even though I try to do not show it in public, so they have no clue how torturing it is until I tell them about my thoughts, feelings, fights… It’s not for everyone and many people don’t understand anyway… People in here they do and it’s helping… Real balm for soul which is trying to survive, even if doesn’t want to…
Janka
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Dear Paula
I’m sorry you too have lost your husband. I lost mine suddenly 10 months ago. Your living a nightmare, that’s what it felt like to me. I still miss my wonderful husband all the time but there are good days to come.
When my husband died we were partway through renovating an old house, this kept me busy. The house is now sold and I’m looking for somewhere new. I didn’t think I could do anything on my own, we had been together since teenagers but I did.
I’m still scared and lonely but one day, hour or minute has been my mantra.
This group has kept me sane, its my go to place for advice, to rant or just chat with people who understand. People who I feel have become friends x
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Hi Paula,
I’m so sorry to hear about your Marky.
I myself lost my partner just over 6 months ago, and like you, I sought some kind of solace on this site. No one here is going to give you tired old cliches, but we will be honest.
I myself have good days and bad days, earlier this week I was really down for a couple of days, missing my partner terribly and the thoughts of wanting to be with them came back, so I came in here and vented my feelings, like I have been on and off for the last 6 months, and as usual the people on here are fantastic, fantastic at being honest! We/they won’t tell you it gets better, won’t tell you that you’ll move on, but what you do realise is every single person on here is going through or has been through exactly the same as you and we know how you feel.
You are not alone!
So hang on in there Paula, cry as much as you want, be angry, be anything you want to be, and write down your feeling and post them on here if you want to, we can’t cure your sadness, but we can listen.
Have a peaceful evening.
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Dear Paula,
I’m feeling your desperation and pain, the first weeks are an absolute nightmare.
Contradicting emotions are swirling around in your mind, making it hard to make it through the day.
But, believe me, there will be easier days, but the recovery will be slow.
Please be kind to yourself and take care of yourself, even though everything feels so bleak and sad.
Sending strength your way!
Kind regards - Joe
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No matter how hard life is, please try and take care of yourself. He wouldn’t want you to give up, no matter how hard it is. I hope you find strength with family and friends, don’t be alone 
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Hello Paula, so sorry for the loss of your loved one, I lost my husband 8 weeks ago, and the pain has been unbearable 
, I still can’t believe that such a precious man is gone from my life, . I go on walks early in the morning and I always take a walking stick with me, before I know it im hitting the bushes with it as I walk by… out of anger I suppose 
I hope no one sees me, , I know how you feel, and were a lot of people here that get you. Please take care of yourself, and God bless you 
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Ade,
it was beautifully written and very true! People repeat the same things all over again, just to get rid of the sadness we are carrying on and that’s not comfortable for them. There are tears behind my smile, despair behind my courage, sadness behind my laugh. We need to be strong in public, we have to do many compromises, so we don’t scare people around away, we can’t end up like some weirdos that I met in my life with a bitter heart and cold smile. All the wounds we have will become a beautiful bouquet one day and there will be no more pain… only me and him… forever…
Janka
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Oh how I empathise with you all. I’m just over 18 months on since my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly. Devastated is not too strong a word. I too didn’t know how to cope but family and friends, and most of all the wonderful people here helped me through.
I started writing things down and first wrote a poem about my new life on 1 January 2025. I’ve since written lots, sad, funny, about things that happened and the difficulties in clearing my wife’s effects and generally decluttering the house. Every one written from my heart. I found that a great help to me and many people have said how what I wrote resonated with them as well.
At such an early point you should expect to be a mess! It took me until after the first anniversary of the funeral to fully accept that my wife wasn’t coming back. That was the point at which life started to genuinely change, just a little. I still have dreadful days and hide behind my mask.
More recently I turned my poems to songs. Essentially they tell just some of my story over the first 9 months or so. That’s as far as I have got at the moment, although I’m working on more. I put them in the public domain, so that they could hopefully help others going through the same trauma and were walking this same path as I am doing, to see that they were not alone. Feel free to have a listen. Keep a tissue handy for some though! Just search Nigel-Marnee on streaming services. (By the way I don’t benefit in any financial way from people listening)
I wish you the best days ahead that you can have, knowing that is just SO very hard.
xxxx
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Hello Nigel, thank you for your message, that is so beautiful, you writing songs to honor your late wife, I will definitely look into it. May God bless you
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Thank you. Keep bashing the bushes if it helps. I’ve screamed and shouted many a time.
Nigel
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Hi Lightmary68, so so sorry for the loss of your husband, Im only 2 weeks behind you. But you gave me some relief from my despair today, for genuinely making me laugh for the first time today. I received Normans ashes this morning, I put some into 2 specialised charm necklaces, some into a little ceramic pot which I super glued the lid on, the rest are staying in the box until I scatter them. Crying all day, feeling so so sad, just read your post and the mental picture of you attacking the local foilage with your stick actually made me laugh out loud. Im not trying to trivialize your grief and despair, I know it all too well, but just to point out that as well as all the wonderful tips and advice, as well as all of us just wanting to be heard which we get on this site, Ive now found a new bonus to being on here, and that is temporary relief from the despair whilst reading how others cope, and finding out It`s not just me doing stuff I would never have done in my previous life. I truly hope your pain will diminish in time. to Wishing you a peaceful evening. xx
Helen
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Hello Helen20. I’m glad you were able to have a good laugh today 
, that made me smile 
, thank you. Take care and have a good night. God bless
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Good morning everyone. I hope you all slept better than I did? I’m definitely in the Bad Sleeping Club at the moment.
I truly hope you can find something to smile about today, and that you have the best day you can wish for under the circumstances.
Take care everyone .
xxxx
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Hello Nigel, good morning to you as well, for me it is still morning, I will definitely try to find that something that’ll make me smile today. You have a good day as well, take care and God bless
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