Books About Bereavement &Loss of Love

I bought books just after my husband died in early 2015. I was desperate and went to counselling which helped in the ensuing months.

One book i bought title The Empty Bed is by Susan Wallbank a retired bereavement counsellor. She written several articles and pamphlets and is author of Facing Grief: Bereavement and the Young Adult

Lots of books out there and i bought a couple but abandoned them…just not for me. I balked at reading it at first but did back then and have found it a very good insight into grieving and loss , hard hitting but also sensitive. It still helps me cope two and a half years since my Husbsnd passed away. When Ifeel at my lowest ebb I read a few favourite pages then put it away til the next time.

TITLE …THE EMPTY BED. SUSAN WALLBANK…ISBN 978-0-232-52639-4 PUBLISHER…DARTON.LONGMSN & TODD

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Sorry its Longman…a typo

Hello Misty, My husband died at the end of August 2014 and once the pressure of filling out forms, visiting banks, etc. etc. ended, I went online and purchased every single book about grieving and loss I could get my hands on. I felt every single emotion that was mentioned in those books but the one thing that has really helped me is being on a website such as this because you know there are other people going through their own heartbreak whether it be the loss of a partner, child, parent, sibling etc. You realise you are not alone in your grief, you are not the only one praying for it to be a nightmare that you will wake up from. You are not the only one screaming into their pillow every night praying for your loved one to come back to you. It is a long, lonely road that we are all now on. I know it sounds silly, but for the first twelve months after my husband died, I went to bed at night and prayed to wake up in 1964, the night I met him, and live our lives all over again, I would not change a single thing apart from stopping him smoking, which was the reason he died. We are all here to help each other the best way we can. Best wishes, Sheilax

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Hi Sheila

Yes, WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED IN EARLY 2015 OF A SUDDEN UNEXPECTED HEART ATTACK AT HOME AND I WITNESSED HIS LAST RASPING BREATHS I MUST HAVE GONE INTO AUTO PILOT. I MANAGED TO DO THINGS,ROUTINE THINGS AS WE ALWAYS DID, LIKE PUT THE DUSTBIN OUT REGULARLY ALL SORTS OF DAILY ACTIVITIES. IWAS LIKE A ROBOT.

WE WERE GOING ON HOLIDAY TO ROME ON THE MONDAY AND WERE PACKING. HE DIED ON THE PREVIOUS THURSDAY. SO MUCH HAD TO BE DONE AND I MANAGED. THE SHOCK DIDNT REGISTER AND MANIFESTED ITSELF VERY GRADUALLY OVER TIME.I HAVE TERINLE FLADHBACKS AS THOUGH IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY…ITS SO VIVID.

I WENT TO CRUSE FOR COUNSELLING HAD MANY SESSIONS THE WAITING LIST WAS LONG BUT I WAITED. I BOUGHT BOOKS AND THE ONE I SPOKE IF THE EMPTY BED IS THE MOST COMFORTABLE READ FOR ME EVEN NOW .I GET SOLACE READING THE CHAPTERS AND EARMARK THEM. PUT IT DOWN AND PICK IT UP AS AND WHEN.

MY HUSBAND WAS A HEAVY SMOKER TOO AND IT WORRIED ME FOR A LONG TIME SND USED TO CONFISCATE HIS BACCY UNTIL HE ADKED FOR IT BACK. HE HAD RAISED CHOLESTEROL TOO BUT THE STATINS DIDNT AGREE WITH HIM AND HE DISCONTINUED THEM. STATINS WERE IN THE NEWS A LOT FOR SIDE EFFECTS AND EHETHER THEY WRRE A HOOD THING OR NOT.

I HAVE FOUND COMFORT ON HERE AND REALISE YOU ARE SUFFERING AS I AM AND I KNOW THAT I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH MY RALPH TO MY DYING DAY. I MISS HIM SO VERY MUCH AND MET HIM IN 1959 I WAS 15. WE WED IN 1964 AND HAVE TWO SONS.

I COOKED FOR HIM FOR 50 YEARS AND FINDING THAT COOKING FOR JUST MYSELF A NIGHTMARE. I HAVE LOST MY INTEREST IN FOOD AND PREPARING IT AT HOME AND TAKE MYSELF OFF AND EAT OUT SO AS TO AVOID EATING MY MAIN MEAL ESPECIALLY SUNDAYS.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING LATELY SHEILA? DO YOU FIND YOU FEEL A BIT STRONGER SOME DAYS AND THE CRASH INTO DESPAIR AND SADNESS THEN RISE UP A BIT TO FACE THE DAYS AND NIGHTS?

MISTY1 X

Sorry about my typos

Hi Misty, Someday’s when I am in the garden I can go a couple of hours pottering around and I am okay, then all of a sudden I remember Peter isn’t here and it is like being kicked in the stomach. I find it hard to sleep now, I used to be a good sleeper until Peter started being ill but I was on watch all the time during the night so got out of the habit of proper sleeping, I just had cat naps, now I cannot get out of the habit and toss and turn all night. I went to bed tonight at 10 pm but after half an hour, I was up again and here I am talking to you at nearly midnight. Everything seems unreal I can’t put my finger on it but I just can’t seem to settle for too long on one thing, I jump from one thing to another. Since our Barney died three month ago the house is spotless, no dog hairs to pick up daily, no paints to wash down where he brushed past it after rolling around on the grass, it is like living in a show house where nothing is ever out of place, cushions are always plumped up because no-one sits on them, there is nothing to show that anyone lives in my house until our grandchildren and sons visit then it is chaos and seems more like it used to be. I cannot find anything to interest me anymore, cannot see much to look forward to anymore but I gave myself a right old talking to this afternoon after I was told some terrible news, and vowed to change my ways and enjoy the years I have left. A friend of mine who lost her husband 20 years ago to cancer has just found out her 52 year old son is dying of cancer and there is nothing the doctors can do. Peter and I had 50 wonderful years together from the day we met until the day he died so I should be thanking my lucky stars that we had so many happy years together because my friend’s son will never have what we had and won’t live to see his children become adults. There are many people on this site going through the same thing with their children and like I said, it makes me realise just how lucky we were to have been together for so many wonderful years. We do tend to think we are the only ones suffering which is wrong, because we aren’t. Best wishes, Sheila xx