Me and my husband loved fish and chips
I can’t eat them at the min
Made a stew today and Andy use to love my stews
Had the smallest bowl couldn’t eat much off it
Be there all week now
Hugs and love to you all xx
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I agree meals can be heartbreaking and boring without your other half… Used to have stews, cottage pies, bangers and mash. Now It’s just eating to stay alive, haven’t cooked anything we used to have together. I now survive on porridge, canned sardines/mackerels, noodles and boiled greens… Just can’t be arsed.
@Angiejo1 You are so on point about ‘be kind to yrself’, it’s hard to feel anything no matter what we do, compassion and empathy for people in grief are all there is.
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You made me think about be ‘kind to yourself’ and what it means … maybe it’s more be true to yourself. The impact of losing my husband was more than I could ever have imagined! When my Robin was given a terminal diagnosis someone said … at least you have been given some time to prepare! Not so! Nothing prepares you for the level of shock, pain, disbelief and utter emptiness that you are hit with. I didn’t recognise me any more … the angry me the resentful me the desperate me the I just don’t care me … I tried so hard to hide all that away and be the way people seemed to want me to be and it caused inner turmoil that made me really poorly. So maybe being true to yourself is accepting what you are at that time … screaming crying ignoring the phone if you just don’t want to talk or can’t be bothered … I talked to Robin a lot … out loud … sometimes that gave me the chance to smile a bit! Once I accepted the person I was at that time and went with it got a little bit easier … I think!
I don’t know if this helps but I found a support group called Way Up … it was specifically for people in my situation and my age group! It had a night owl element which was my life saver at 2 in the morning. Much love to everyone xx
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I’ve had that said to me often since my mum died and I did often wonder what it meant. To me, it’s not pushing myself to do too much, dealing with what I can on a day to day basis. I can’t cope with looking at photos or bringing up memories in my head so for now, I don’t. If I need to cry or talk I phone a friend or a phone line. To me it’s just being gentle on yourself and only doing what you can cope with for now. Lots of love to you and everyone on here. 
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Dear Riley
I know what you mean about eating to stay alive. I lost my husband in a road traffic accident in September. Since then lost quite a bit of weight. I cannot bear to go shopping and looking at ‘meals for one’. I avoided ready meals at all costs when Ian was alive. I used to cook dinners most nights, but it is extremely hard when only cooking for myself. Since his death never had to use a dinner plate, I eat only enough to keep me going except when our little grandson is due to stay. Then I eat a pasta-based meal to give me energy to look after him. Over Christmas period I only had two meals over the seven days. There is no enjoyment in anything now.
Personal hygiene gone out the window and wear the same clothes for days on end. I know my children worry and are trying to get to grips with their dad’s sudden loss themselves, but it is hard. My son today highlighted that I have become over-anxious about things - I have always been over-anxious just my husband was always there to give me the re-assurance I needed and now he is gone.
I have also gave up work - could not face it and Ian and I had always talked about my retirement. Some nights I go to bed and in the hours I spend awake tell myself I will get into some sort of routine, but have never managed it so far.
I am glad for this forum, people are very supportive and unfortunately finding themselves I the same situation understand.
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Hi
Feel the same can’t be bothered with cooking
Having a shower bath washing my hair
Cleaning there so much dust in my house now
Wow I was so house proud
Stuff it all can’t be bothered with it all
Please take care love to you all xx
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Hi
Me and Ian used to clean our little bungalow every Thursday morning. He would sweep, I would dust then hoover. We used to laugh about it, saving the planet using a sweeping brush and then a quick burst of the hoover. I occasionally dust when it builds up too much and give the bungalow a quick hoover only when the grandson is due. He was born with health issues so I do not want to aggravate it further. Otherwise nothing would get done in the house.
How I wish he was still here to share our silly moments. Instead spend the evenings by myself crying, screaming and in such pain.
Take care.
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Hi
The pain is so bad isn’t it
Andy was my life and how I carry on
God knows
We have a bungalow and I use to dust Andy would hoover
I use to cook I would wash pots he dry
God I miss him so much it hurts
Please take care xx
Hi
The pain cannot be understood unless (and regrettably) you are having to suffer as we do.
Spoke to one of my brothers-in-law tonight. His husband found a family photo and shared it with me. Showed happy times - I just wish I could bring these times back.
Take care. xxxx
Hi
Me to keep thinking this time last year
Me and Andy planning to go on holiday
And all stop December the 5th
My life over
Take care xx
100% agree with you Bristles. I don’t want to be here and go to bed jot wanti g to wake up
D
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angiejo1 - you took the words from my mouth, I 100% agree - my june isn’t enjoying them with me so why bother
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same here but cannot sleep its01:27 only been in bed 1 hour a nd here can not sleep and feel sickly nerves anybody else have this?
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Hi
Always feel sick
I can’t sleep drink far to much
Was sitting outside last night around 12
Bloody raining got very wet
But I don’t care xx
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Hi
Have not had a proper nights sleep since husband died in September. Go off usually about 2am only to wake suddenly one or two hours later. Still have flashbacks to the day he died.
Hi this is a boring old life sitting here, you could hear a pin drop , i miss her loads the street is deserted she used to say its like living in the cemetry living here go to sleep like you dont sleep just rang samaritans stopped taking calls too busy ring back later what hope is there would be better off dead thought about it take care go through it all again tomorrow
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life is so pointless without her nobody to tell little things to go out to shop come back to a dark cold house nobody there i am really fed up
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Life is pointless without the person you have shared everything with. I feel it is too. I hope it will improve for you and everyone who is going through this absolute heartbreak.xx
The adjustment inside my head was massive… and that was in so called normal times! It might have been normal for others it certainly wasn’t normal for me! I couldn’t see a purpose for going out … shopping for one … especially when the chance I would actually eat the food was minimal! But if I stayed in I couldn’t control my thoughts and often just sat and stared into the emptiness! The feeling of loss and loneliness was overwhelming… it took me over a year to move any of my husbands things! 8 years on … I made it this far … please believe you can … it’s so very very hard but you can
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Dear A Frazer
I felt the same coming back to the house, so I sometimes leave the TV on so that it is not as quiet. I also share my thoughts and gripes with my husband by email - good or bad I tell him what I am thinking. I know that I will not ever get a reply but sometimes it does bring me some comfort that I am letting him know that I miss him.
We are here to listen. Take care.
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