Try finding a nice photo of your Mum to see when you wake up. It might help take away the memory of her in the chapel of rest. I refused to see my Mum, just couldn’t bear it. She died at home and my last sight of her was being carried out of the house in a body bag. It destroyed me for weeks. I did see my Dad and vowed never again as that was so awful I found. Didn’t look like my Dad at all and not how I wanted to remember him.
I was offered counselling by the palliative care team but turned it down. I joined this site very soon after Mum passed away as wanted to try and get though without formal counselling. I have found it has helped me reach a sense of acceptance of the situation very gently. I know this doesn’t work for everyone though and may even find i need more formal help in the future.
That is a very good idea ,I’ve got a couple of pictures of my mom up and I’ve got a lot of her stuff in my summer house which we now call nans place ,my mom loved all her ornaments and nick nacs around her ,which used to get on my nerves,we used to laugh about it ,but now I’ve got all her things around me in the house and it makes me feel closer to her and more at ease x
I have also just moved house and have a Mum’s Corner in my new garden. Dug up a favourite plant of hers and brought other bits in pots. I found on arriving other favourites of hers I had not noticed during the viewings. Mum loved her garden dearly so I feel a sense of peace being amoungst her things out there.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Saffy. And I’m really sorry to hear that you haven’t had much support from the hospital. You could ask your GP to refer you to a local bereavement support service, or contact an organisation such as Cruse Bereavement.
This online community is also here for you to get things off your chest and get support from other in similar situations. When you feel ready, you may wish to start a new conversation in our Coping with the Death of a Loved One section.
Saffy
My fiance died 32 days after he was diagnoised with a brain tumour he was fit and healthy 54 year old … Its the shock… we went to the hopital chapel of rest , wish I hadn’t horrible place but then the funeral directors took him to theirs ,put him in his favorite suit and shoes put his aftershave on him … we were then invited to go and see him …wasn’t sure I wanted to but myself and his 2 daughters did and he looked so at peace nothing could hurt him now … I took a letter and a bar of chocolate
He loved chocolate …tucked it in his suit pocket …the girls did the same …we went in one at a time with him … I then requested that he was brought home for 3 days before the funeral he had a cardboard coffin ( myself …his 2 daughters and granddaughter ) spent the sunday decorating it completly with photos… I sat at night peacefully with him having his favorite tipple dissarno …I just wanted him to leave home better than he before he died … on the funeral day I didn’t think I could do it …I felt sick all day and this was 6 days before we where due to be married …but I did… as my daughter said just before I got up to read the eulogy its the last thing you can do for him mum and he’d want you to go for it … it was hard for all off us though his eldest daughter who was 6 months pregnant with his second granddaughter… both his daughters did a eulogy and granddaughter who wanted to be involved set off doves after the cremation …
I think its just the shock one minute they are there … and the next there gone you haven’t had time process it at all … but you will get through this we’re all here for you and i"ve only been on this site for 4 days and the love and support and understanding is amazing …come back vent and share
