Bringing them home

Losing a partner
#1

I bought June home today. Felt better than I feared. A few tears, well more than a few, then just sitting chatting to her about the last few weeks, then just sitting with her. it’s 10 weeks since June was last at home. Things feel a bit better this evening, more settled. There’s still that void, that feeling of not being quite right. The future is still empty, but she’s here for a while, until it’s time for her to be with her mum and dad. That’s what she wanted, but she didn’t say when, so it’ll be when I’m ready.

I’ve told her about all the wonderful people here, many who have wished me well for today. That we’re all here therough necessity, not by choice, all suffering but with enough love to want to help others who they will never meet.

To all of you, a huge thankyou for your compassion and selflesness - reaching out to strangers with no expectation of reward or recognition.

I hope having her back home will be a corner turned for me, but in many ways, I’m not bothered. I’m certainly not wanting to move-on or get-over-it. But June is back with me and that’s a good thing
D

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#2

Glad you feel a little better having for wife home it’s not easy whatever we do. I hope you find some comfort x

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#3

Hi Dave,
I am so glad your wife is home for now and I wish you a happier future helped by the lovely memories you clearly have.
Good luck and stay safe.
Hugs
Ann

#4

Hi Dave so glad June is home with you . Sending love and hugs to you. Xxxxx

#6

Glad June is back home with you Dave. Take care.

#7

Hi Dave, it resonated with me when you said you did not want to get over it and move on , I understand that feeling because it sort of means we have started to let them go when we move on , but we do move on in emotions but never forget

#8

Good morning Geoff-tee. We never let go. Our loved ones are with us forever. Love never dies! It was your mentioning of moving on which prompted me to respond to your post. I don’t think we move on, I think we move forward. The two are different, in my opinion. We move forward with out grief, we have to, but likewise our grief moves forward with us. I’ve said before that my grief has become a part of who I am now. It doesn’t define me, of course, but it is with me always. One lady wrote, a while back now,
'This is just a sad chapter in my book of love, happiness and smiles. The book defines me. Not the chapter.’
Some words stick with us and those have stuck with me. I think what I’m trying to say is never fear, we don’t let them go. We can’t. But we do get to a place which is slightly more comfortable to enable us to continue with life’s journey. I hope I’m making sense. Sending you love and strength to move forward. x

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#9

Thank you Dave. I have been putting off bringing Frankie home but this has inspired me. I have realised that I need him home until I take him to Scotland :blue_heart:

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#11

Hi Kate your words are so true we will never ever get over the loss of our loved ones but as you said the grief is always there but we learn to live with it. The more grief you suffer the more you loved and still love them so much. Love and hugs to you. XxCarol xxx

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#12

You’ll know when it’s time. Thank you so much for letting me know that I’ve helped you in some small way, means a lot to us.

We went for a walk by the sea today. Into a rucksack and off we went. People may think I’m crazy or weird, but that doesn’t matter. We like walking there and we were able to do it again after such a long time.

Thank you all for your thoughts, means a lot to me

D

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#13

What a lovely idea to go for a walk by the sea plus rucksack. I couldn’t wait to get my beloved Mike back home and I talk to him all the time. i placed his ashes on a dresser in the bedroom opposite the view of the sea he so loved. I still feel I’m trying to do the best for him as I loved him so much.

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#14

Ah that’s lovely that you both got to go on a walk together. I’m busy baking. Doing a walk in Northumberland tomorrow with friends/family in Frankie’s honour. I’ll probably be an emotional mess. Looking forward to it though💙

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#15

So very true, Kate, thank you. x Stan’s ashes are still in a church, I didn’t know that he had told our daughter and son that one day he would like to be scattered on our favourite walk when we were courting. (old fashioned word) I could have cried. My mum and dad were scattered in the same place, I cannot do it, my mobility is so bad, but to know that he will be at one of the places where we were happy 17 years old and 22 years old, is fine by me, :broken_heart:

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#16

Lovely words Kate and so very true. I hope that you have helped some of those that are newly bereaved and find themselves in that lost state of despair to have comfort that they won’t stop loving but they will learn to move forward one day. You made absolute sense.
Pat

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#17

Hi Dave I think that is absolutely wonderful that you went off on your walk together. If your crazy or weird then I am joining your club. My husband and I were keen walkers and Ramblers and he asked me to take him on all my walks. So far I have carried a photograph of him and told him where we are. I am fortunate that although his ashes were scattered with his grandparents I have a small amount in an urn and from now on he will be in my rucksack also.
Do what you have to do when you feel it right or are ready. You will know. I had arranged where my husbands ashes were to be scattered and I went to the Woodland site to take a look before, however something didn’t feel right and I felt that Brian was trying to tell me something. I asked him to let me know what he wanted and sure enough two days later the answer came in a phone call from someone that we hadn’t seen for years. I changed my plans immediately and put him where he wanted to go. I knelt by the area the next day, sobbing my heart out and a bright light came out of the sky on a dull dreary rainy December day and shone down on my face for just a short time and then went. I like to think he was pleased…
Pat xxx

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#18

It is a good thing. I get it. I absolutely get it.

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