Broken hearted

I know exactly how you feel. My husband died on the morning of my birthday. I’d had a giggle with him and went back to bed because he told me he was going to have a quick shower then clean up the kitchen. My stepdaughter discovered him over an hour later - he had collapsed and died in the shower - probably within 5-10 minutes of having a giggle with me. When the paramedics arrived, they said he would need to be resucitated within an hour in order to have a chance of saving him. It was approximately one and a quarter hours after we’d had our giggle. I feel so guilty because if I hadn’t gone to bed, there’s a possibility he could have been saved. I miss him so much. He was such a lovely husband and we were very happily married.

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Bless you and thank you. The waves of emotions that are hitting me at the moment is immense…you are right tiny steps xx

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Oh gosh …so painful. Keith and I were also so so happy I would love nothing more than to be isolated with him at the moment. Thank you so much for reaching out. Xx

So sorry, thank you for sharing xx

Oh Stella sending you a big squidgy hug how sad words just fail me this forum is so amazing I’m also new only joined yesterday and the beautiful kind thoughtful messages I have had have made me cry… I thought I was on my own well I but on here I can say how I feel n let my emotions out as I hide alot from my boys because if I’m upset it effects them n that would hurt so so much to see them upset. God bless lovely lady xx

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sorry for your loss Jacqui
sadly there are lots of us on here who have an idea what you are going through,and there is no quick fix,and what might help one wont help another,we all have different things that may help us a little.on a personal note I find believing Jayne is with me and will always be in my heart mind and soul helps me cope a little.i hope you can find something that helps you get through each day week month etc and that you get support from family and friends.and you probably know from the responses you’ve had and others topics you may of read that lots of members will try to give you support and comfort that may help you a bit
regards
ian

So so hurting right now but you have all been my saviour this evening…thank you and bless you xxxx

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Dear Jacqui
It is very very early days for you. The things I found helpful in those early days were writing to him daily in a journal - writing as if I were chatting to him at the end of the day. Making a list to get through -just to keep me doing something and not going over and over things - that happens in the night anyway - so I kept as busy as I could in the day. Talking to him all the time and talking to the wonderful friends I made through this forum. And not thinking about the future we had snatched away or my future at all… just a moment at a time, then a day at a time and now it is a week at a time. Though in this dreadful crisis it is back to a day at a time -and I tell him all about it in my journal at night, I had a wonderful husband and my life was full of love and laughter - it just all ended too soon.
Take care and keep on the forum.
Trisha xx

I am finding it so difficult if we could actually carry on normal activity it would probably help. Hugging our new Grandson helped the pain - that’s now gone.
I will stay here and try to reach out for all xx

Dear Stella
I am so sorry for what you are going through
My husband got up to go to work and collapsed with a sudden cardiac arrest . I was with him and despite everything …me being with him , CPR , paramedics , air ambulance , stent in hospital and admission to ICU he died three days later having suffered further cardiac arrests and brain damage from the initial collapse
We did everything we could to give him the best chance of survival but it still didn’t work

I know you can’t help having feelings of guilt
I do too …even though I know we did everything humanly possible at the time

I hope hearing my story helps lessen your feelings of guilt in some way . None of us can predict the future or have total control over what happens and that’s something we just have to try to accept but it is a very difficult thing to do . I struggle trying to come to terms with the sudden unexpectedness of it all

Sending hugs and understanding
Romy xxx

Stella,
Both my mum and dad died suddenly. My dad was 53 and was in bed with my mum one Saturday morning. She went to get him a cup of tea and returned 10 minutes later to find him dead. An ambulance was at our house within 10 minutes and they said there was nothing they could do. My mum had a sudden bleed on the brain whilst visiting hospital for something completely unrelated last june. She had a team of medics with her instantly and there was still nothing they could do.
I work for emergency services and have seen CPR performed dozens of times within seconds of someone collapsing. The majority do not survive in fact less than 10 percent of people who suffer heart attacks outside of a hospital do survive.
I felt such guilt over my mum and dad but I do now accept there was nothing I could have done.
Please dont feel guilty.
Cheryl x

Thank you so much Romy - it’s very kind of you to take the trouble to share your experience. I hope your pain reduces soon x

Thank you for sharing your experience. I still wonder whether there’s anything that could have been done and that’s probably because I want him back. Hope you are ok now.

Stella
I think it’s natural. I’m not ok really. I miss my mum so much and still cry every day. I thought she would go on for another 15 years. However, the guilt and the rawness have subsided, it ms just the constant living without her thats hard.
My dad has been gone 21 years now.
Its very early for you. I think you will always wonder if you could have done something. I will always wonder if there were signs my mum was going to die x

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Hi Romy,
I lost my husband, my world in similar circumstances 6 weeks and 2 days ago. Did your husband have any previous symptoms as Keith did not. I just do not understand how my very fit husband could be taken in just a moment.
Jacqui xx

Hi Jacqui. My husband died on 23 February and the only thing he had complained about was tightness of the chest (no pain, just tightness). However, this did not last long and he only had it about three times. Apart from that, he was fit and always on the go. It’s just so awful that their lives are ended so soon and for the loved ones that are left behind xx

Absolutely- the shock just tears you apart, and this isolation, being on my own is so difficult. At the moment I trying to deal with the overwhelming job of dealing with the paperwork, it’s so hard to get hold of anyone because of the current situation. One day at a time for us all.
Jacqui xx

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Dear Jacqui
He had indigestion a couple of times but been as he was doing the 5:2 diet to lose a bit of weight he didn’t think anything of it and neither did I as it happened on the days he was eating ordinarily .

I told the consultant that when he was in ITU but he said we would never know if it was his heart or indigestion . He described him as a “ticking time bomb “ as his heart was blocked 80 % , 80% and 50% but nobody would have known this as he was very strong and quite fit . The day before he died he had done 500 rows on his rowing machine in his gym …shed …outside

So everyone who knew and worked with him were totally shocked by what happened . It was totally out of the blue

Romy xxxxx

Hi jacqie,
Sorry for your loss of your husband.
Just to say, my husband had a sudden cardiac arrest and had no symptoms. He was fit and healthy no signs whatsoever. When I talked to the dr about it, she said that’s often the case, no warning signs. If only they had some symptoms, then they could have been checked out.
Life is so cruel
Take care x

It is just unbelievable that what is happening inside gives no symptoms, you do feel that you should have noticed something. Thank you for sharing it helps. Bless you.
Jacqui xx