I’m 7 weeks into this nightmare. I have just shouted at my 8 year old DD for no reason.i went back to work today and that’s why
I can’t deal.with the fact that in a small village they have all ready moved on, Ian has already been forgotten. I haven’t spoken to an adult since Thursday. So I need to be back at work. My mind is a dangerous place if I don’t occupy my self. I can’t explain my nightmare today


I think you explained very well and it’s a place many have been.

The mind can take us to some pretty dark places. Going to work saved me from myself and has been one of the things that gave me focus and some normality. I have days where I struggle but I feel supported.

The merry go round of life keeps going, it stops for only those that have died. What you see is not necessarily what’s happening. People think I’m ok because the don’t see the bubbling of emotions under the surface.

Just because it looks like everyone has moved on and forgotten him, doesn’t mean that’s the case.

I found out the other day that people talk about my partner all the time and he is remembered, even though I don’t hear them, he is remembered.

People don’t know what to do with people like us. They don’t know what to say so they say nothing, it’s the easiest option.

I hope work goes ok. It’s still very early for you, take it slowly. Maybe do a phased return if that’s possible.


@Ali29 thank you I feel at a complete loss. I normally work 45 hours a week but my phased return is 25 hours. I worked well today and enjoyed it. But I have come home exhausted and in a really dark place. I am so lonely, without Ian is hard enough. But nobody checks I am ok etc. I sound really weak but there is only me and DD.
I know knock on doors etc I have a community around me. But I can’t bring myself to. I’m scared of the outcome.


You underestimate yourself. I couldn’t have gone back to work at 7 weeks, that would only have been 7 Sundays without him, that no time at all.

Everyone is different, the exhaustion is grief fatigue, it’s a real thing. I only work mornings and needed to sleep in the afternoons. I’m in bed by half 9 and I sleep all night but I’m still tired.

Keep to small steps and focus only in the day you’re on. It’s easier.

Do you have any family that can visit or you can go to? It is lonely without them. That doesn’t go away. This isn’t going to be easy but you’ve got this far and you will keep going. The thing is, we have no choice.

21 weeks in, I have brighter days. And it’s not all consuming.


@Vixi you are not weak. Use this forum to chat, rant, whatever you need. We understand the pain, the loneliness and despair. I worried I was leaning on my daughter (an adult) too much in the earlier days as that was the only way I could cope. Although she’s married with a young family I seen her nearly every day. I’m now 12 weeks on this journey and it’s a tiny bit better than the early days. I try to fill my days and keep busy, that helps. Of course you have a young daughter so you have a different kind of busy and that must be incredibly hard. Be kind to yourself, life has dealt you a shit hand and it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself. We are all here if you need to chat. Sending hugs.

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What is a DD ? Xxx

Hi, DD is her daughters name.Take care Derek.

Oh ok ? Thought it stood for something ? You take care too x.

It just stands for darling daughter. X


Thank you. I feel a little better this morning. I definitely need the company as my mind wanders when I am alone. I just found work a struggle yesterday. But I will get there. Xx


Not heard that before :slight_smile: are you from Cumbria btw ? Cos it says on you profile “xumbria” take care anyway ! Its a tough time xx

:joy:yes. My predictive text is awful. That made me giggle. Thanks for that. Xx

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Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without this chat. I’m just so alone. I live so far away from my family and I usually work too much so never really had a social life. So my friends are linked to work. I am starting to have some good days. But it seems that makes the bad ones worse. Sending hugs xx


Thank you. It really helps to chat on here. Unfortunately I live a long way from my family. But I am hoping to go and see them next weekend . But hearing everyone else’s journey gives me hope that this nightmare will gradually become easier. Your right I am always exhausted and I know that it is mainly the grief. But I am sure going back to work is the right thing on a part time basis. As I said until I went to work yesterday I hadn’t seen it spoken to an adult since Thursday. Sending hugs. Xx


Dont worry ! Just thought i would let you know :slight_smile: how long is it since you lost your partner ? It takes so long to get used to it ! Im still so fragile - 6 months on … some days i feel dreadful and so sad … be kind to yourself - even if others arent always so kind … its a long road ! x

It will be 8 weeks on Saturday. I’m trying to find time for myself. I have strong days and some terrible days. Yesterday and today have been my worst. I have just come home from work because I can’t stop crying. I know it will get easier. I just want to be strong for DD and sometimes it brims over. Xx


Ypu cant always be strong. Youre emotions are gonna come out ! Its a massive thing :frowning: i hope your daughter understands ? How old is she ? Xxx

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She is only 8. She is so strong and is doing amazingly well. She understands that sometimes mummy can’t help the tears. We talk every day about 1 fun thing daddy did and we always try to remember him in a beautiful way. He wasn’t perfect by any measure, as I put it , he was a pig sometimes but he was my pig and I loved him.


I know what you mean … they’re not perfect but then neither are we are we ? But still we love them to pieces … and to lose them like this is so awful :frowning: glad your little girl understands when you cry … bless her - they’re so clever really when they are young arent they xxx


Hi, I’m so sorry for everything you’re experiencing and I think I have some understanding of what you’re going through. My husband died suddenly 7 weeks ago and I too have a 9 year old -“broken” is the exact word I’m using to express my own feelings. Broken, fragile and feeling like the only (still very young at heart) 51 year old widow in the county. It’s a lonely place to be and I miss my husband so badly.

I’m here if you want to talk about anything or everything - any time.

Sending a big hug xxx