“Broken”

hi everyone its been 9 weeks and 8 minutes since i lost my husband Darrell really struggling today the sun is shining outside but all i see and feel is a dark empty void. there is a poem called the broken chain have a read of it i had it said out at Darrells funeral. its perfect . just like he was … need him here with me or please let him come and fetch me i dont want to be here without him anymore x so down jo x

1 Like

Dear Jo

I know exactly how you feel as I lost my partner 10 weeks and 4 days ago. I am sitting here thinking what on earth am I going to do today tomorrow forever. Sunshine doesn’t help. I can’t bear it and I’m so lonely. Xxxx

hi Topsy im so sorry for your loss. even though our 17 year old son lives at home its not the same. i to feel so lonely want a hug off Darrell to make everything feel right again until then it never will be right … my Darrell passed away at home on sunday 20th january 2019 at 9.02 am every sunday at that time i sit where he was. cry and tell him im sorry for not saving him i font know how long i can keep this up its too exhausting love jo xx

1 Like

Hi Jo.

It’s awful that you are going through this hell and being sorry that you didn’t save Darrell. I have similar feelings about my partner’s death and it is a heavy burden. As we are so low it is hard to think differently no matter what anyone says.

I wish there was something I could do for both of us. Xxxx

Jo.
It’s so sad , We widows have to go throu ,such pain ,emptiness,lost ,confused ,
Crying out to our husbands to come and get us ,as we are so weak ,sad,and want to be with them .I know that feeling so well.But Jo ,we will be together soon .my heart go out to you as we are all thinking the same my dear.Dear Jo.

hi jeanette im so sorry for your loss and the ihealth issues that your daughters have . just having such a bad day today i really wish i wasnt here im just hoping when i go to bed tonight that my Darrell will come and fetch me thank you for your message love jo x

hi everyone after such a crap day thats got worse as its gone on theres no Darrell here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright to make me feel safe again so theres just no point anymore nite jo x

Hello jo
I’m so sorry that you are having to go this horrendous journey I know is just heartbreaking I’m a year and three month down this road and I miss my beautiful husband every second of the day and night .
We are all different and will go through this horrendous journey in what ever way we can there is no right or wrong way I just take it now a day at a time the waves come over me but now I can breath between them .
I still cry scream pray and I still desperately want my sweetheart back .
Please take care of yourself sending a hug .
Lily

Hi Jo, I felt and still feel exactly the same. It’s been 10 months and 6 days since Alan passed away, every day i yearn for him to be here. I went to New York with our daughter last week and I did enjoy my to be there, it also gave me the space away from my enforced comfort zone to think about lots of things I came home in a positive frame of mind, first time since he passed, yet today, the feeling of emptiness and loneliness is just as prominent as it was before I left for my trip.

I am truly sorry for your loss, for the first 3 or 4 months I didn’t want to see or talk to Any one, just shut myself away, only going out to walk the dogs, didn’t eat, some days didn’t even shower and if it was too wet to go out I didn’t even bother getting dressed. Living alone is another heart breaking feeling. Aksn and I had been together since I was 15, next Saturday will be our 51st wedding anniversary and I know the day will be very painful.

I do truly understand how you are feeling, we’re now living a life we don’t want to live, the life we once had has been snatched away and it hurts like hell.

Blessings
Jen☆

hi jen just had a really tough couple of days where now i just cant see the point anymore darrell needed me for a long time now im not needed theres no point x i hope you find some comfort next saturday on you anniversay take care jo x

Hi

I’m caroline Jeanettes daughter, my mother has been talking about you to me and I felt compelled to talk to you. As a daughter of the worlds most amazing father I can and do understand how you feel, it is the worse feeling in the world to loose someone so precious, the struggle is daily. But loved ones would never want us to feel like this, it’s easier said then done I know but as a family we know my father is near, we know that we have to make him proud, time isn’t a healer it sometimes feels worse, but please find strength in knowing you have touched people’s heart on here and they are concerned about you.

Scream, cry, yell but don’t give up, your husband loved you, last year, yesterday and tomorrow. You can’t see him but he is near, he is always with you. This is how we cope my dad is always by our sides loving us the same as he always has…

Sending you love and thoughts xx

hi Caroline what a lovely message and thank you for taking the time out to message me …thank you youve bought a tear to my eye in a good way. ive had a really rough couple of days. your mum must be very proud of you and you of her… i looked after my Darrell for a long time then in january 2018 he was diagnosed with motor neurone disease and went down hill very quickly within a few months he was completely paralysed we didnt want any carers in my husband was a very private man and so i did everything for him the ifs and buts are going round and round my head … we were inseperable we talked and laughed and cried together on sunday 20 january 2019 he asked me for a drink and his meds he went on his nebuliser and i checked his oxygen levels and pulse and they were erratic i took him off and put him back on his ventilator of which he had on 24/7 as i looked at him he looked at me rolled his eyes and that was it time was i did cpr while i was on to 999 i shouted my son to ring his sister and kept going until paramedics got to him i got a pulse my son and daughter were here to see his chest moving we all told him we loved him and held him and then he took his last breath at 9.02am after the 3 of us had said we love him he had 3 tears which we caught on 3 tissues and that was it x i love him so much and the thought of Darrell not being here with me for the rest of my life is something i cant deal with xx sending loads of love to you and your lovely caring family xx

Hi Jo, I know exactly how you feel. I am now nearly 17 weeks without my lovely George, and I would like to say it gets easier, and if I am honest certain things have, such as I don’t find doing the food shopping so overwhelming now as long as I have a list and can avoid going near food that George and I enjoyed to share together. I am also getting more of my own routine around the home, but I do so miss him so much and yearn for him all of the time. I went to a funeral on Friday at the same place we held George’s and I was in such a state it was almost embarrassing. I then went to my niece’s wedding on Saturday and was okay until she walked in to How Long will I love you by Ellie Goulding and then that was it I was gulping for air. My son looked as if he wished the ground would swallow me. Yesterday I just retreated into myself to ‘lick my wounds’. I know I am not eating properly, losing weight and look far older and more strained than I did 6 months ago, but I just miss him more as each day goes on. I cannot imagine getting to a year without him. In fact I still find it hard to believe he is not here but I still am. I think as time goes on people think you are coping, even my best friend whose Dad’s funeral I went to on Friday, was really shocked how much it affected me. It was like someone turned on a tap and I could not stop. I think she realised how much of an act I put on when I am at work but how much I am really suffering. I am waffling on here but somehow we seem to keep waking up and going back to sleep and suddenly we are x number of weeks down the road. We have got this far and though I don’t want to be here, I cannot bear for the kids to have to cope with another loss so soon after their Dad. This is all so sad xx

hi Deb that must have been absolutley awful for you on friday but very brave and supportive … i dont think people realise do they the pain we are going through unless they have lost their husband wife or partner … then for you to attend a wedding i think you are remarkable xx you have done it now so well done … really proud of you x love jo

Hi Jo, thank you but we are all remarkable in our own way, although we don’t want to be, we just want to go back in time to our old routines and be back with the one we love. We just have to go through these firsts and then hopefully (she says) it will be easier next time, although I very much doubt it. I cannot ever imagine getting used to not having George by my side, it is so true you feel so alone even though you are surrounded by people. I hope you have a good night sleep lovely lady xx

yes Deb i would do anything to hold Darrell one more time but i would never let go x hope you sleep well honey x nite nite x jo x

Hi jo

I’m so so sorry, I am heart broken for you and your family!! What a truly wonderful women you are, I have nothing but admiration for you. Reading about how wonderful the love between you and your dear Darrell melts my heart, you really are an inspiration, the love, commitment and care you gave to the love of your life is so so special, please remember Darrell adores you!! You’ve been through such a traumatic time, I remember the shock and speed of my dear fathers passing, it doesn’t feel real, my life feels empty and for a time I felt I had no purpose, but I know I have to be strong for my family. No one can ever find the words to help us come to terms with the massive gap that is now missing from our life’s but please jo just know how amazing you are, the strength and love you had to look after your husband was a act of love which you should cherish. We was all present when my father passed and as traumatic as it was, I feel honoured to have been present when my beautiful father took he last breathe, I couldn’t cope if I was not present, I did not want my dad to worry about us, I needed to let him know how much we loved him and that we would always look after each other.

Jo I am glad you are here on this site, talk to either myself or my mother when you need to talk, you will always have us here, be kind to yourself, you are an amazing women. Those 3 tears you wiped away were tears of love!! Darrell adored you!! He will always be with you!!!

Sending love to you and your family xx

hi Caroline thank you so much i really needed that today. im glad that you were there with your Dad he obviously knew how much you loved (still love ) him xx the support that you and your mum are giving each other and people like me is so heart warming. every night before we went to bed or when i nipped out to go shopping we would always say love you to the moon and stars and back i receved your messaged and looked out of the window and the sky is full of stars and its meant alot to me tonight . please take care of one another sometines when i here off people like you and your mum and theres another lady on here and gentleman that have been so caring and thoughtful sending support when they are going through the same that i wish we could all get together and have a coffee and have a good old cry together xx thank you again take care sweet dreams love to you and all your family xjo xx

1 Like

caroline by the way yes i did and still do love my Darrell more than words could ever say he was my life i told him all the time how proud i was of him and how proud i was to be his wife. we knew from the first time we met that it was true love and that we would never be apart Darrell took most of me with him when he passed away and when he comes back to fetch me i will hold his hand and walk with him to stay with him forever xx love jo xx

Hi Jo I still can’t believe how cruel life can be and I know you want to be with Darrell so much. I felt the same about Brian in the early days then I had this health scare this week and apart from feeling a useless old woman all of a sudden I don’t really want to leave this world as yet. I still don’t know the outcome of what will happen but I do know that something has kicked into me and I am now going to do everything to get myself sorted again. I haven’t really been looking after myself with regard to diet which was previously always good, so I am back on the healthy stuff and hope to goodness I get my libido back again. What I am trying to say is please don’t give up. You have a family, a son that needs the guidance of his mother. You must keep going for your families sake, they are part of Darrell. You have shown what a wonderful, loving, caring person you are. Don’t wish your life away. I know it hurts like crazy. Love to hear from you. Pat xxx

Back to top