Brother died this morning and my dad terminal cancer as well

I’m fully disabled and going through a living he’ll today made worse by my brothers death from cancer and my dad also has terminal cancer in limbo and my own health that bad I’m bed ridden and don’t have support of my own health as no one will help me .my wife does he best but go etc don’t listen and now this happen feeling so bad just spoke lovely guy from Sue Ryder name Jeff really nice and hope this can help as feel like I the titanic that is sinking from iceberg

Hi Andy,

I’m so sorry to hear that your brother has died today - that is so very recent and you must still be feeling incredibly raw from the news. It’s completely understandable that it’s had an impact on your own health.

I’m so sorry also to hear that your dad has terminal cancer - you have such an awful lot to deal with at the moment.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as many people find that it helps a bit to have a place where they can share their feelings honestly with others who understand. Hopefully some of our other members will get back to you before long, but I just wanted to let you know that someone had read your message.

In the meantime, here are some links to other conversations where members are talking about coping with the death of close family members, which you also might like to read or reply to:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/so-glad-find-support-network

https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/does-it-get-easier

Glad to hear that you found speaking to one of our team on the phone helpful. Cruse Bereavement also offer really good support on their telephone helpline (0844 477 9400), by email (helpline@cruse.org.uk) and at local centres.

Is your dad getting the care that he needs at the moment?

Take care,

Priscilla

I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through right now, it’s the worst thing ever.

I lost my Dad nearly 4 years ago now when I was 17 and at the time, I felt really hopeless & alone, but I also felt like I had to be strong for my younger brother and my Mum, but I learnt that I should grieve my own way too so I do lots of writing which helped and still helps enormously when I’m feeling down.

I know you might not think it right now or even very soon, but, trust me, it does get easier, in time to cope with losing someone you love.

I really hope this helps a little.

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At points, after my Mum died, I did feel that I would never make it or there was no way life could be normal again. What I found, after taking it day by day, is that life does go on & after time, it was ok to feel positive about the future.

By focusing on life, 1 day at a time, I found myself better able to cope with my feelings & simple everyday tasks.

You’re not alone & there are some really lovely caring people out there ready & willing to help you.

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Hi priscilla yes it is and being bes ridden losing brother made me a lot worse physical pain and heartbreak on a lot of levels yea my dad had cancer for 3 yrs terminal for 2 and has support very week for flushing out tube or something they told me xthank u for the links I will take a look bare with me as won’t be bale get on daily as sleep a lot or in much pain .I’m lacking support for my own health only have gp due to poor health care from support team I had for 4 years and this when need it most get turned down or no other organisation can take me on for home visits etc as bed ridden and house bound I physically can’t go anywhere add to that brothers funeral I will move than likely miss on top breaking my heart . Andy

Thank u embeth it did hard me wrote as disabled and bed bound so much pain in hands and body .my dad will be gone with cancer as well and lost daughter 4 yrs ago to a drunk driver I’m so lost in life … bare with me as not everyday just saw it msg thank u embeth . Andy

Thank u :slight_smile: lost brother last Monday my dad also terminal and 4yrs go my data killed by drunk driver she was 7 .I’m disabled and bed ridden I’m in limbo

Hi Andy,

No need to apologise for not being on the site daily - it’s here for you when you need it.

I am so sorry to hear that you also lost your daughter four years ago. That is a terrible loss, and it is awful how much you have been through in the last few years.

It sounds as though you’re not getting the care that you need for your own disability at the moment - I am very saddened that you may not be able to get support to go to your brother’s funeral.

I wonder if the Scope Helpline might be able to help you with this? They offer advice and information to people with disabilities and might be able to point you in the right direction for some help with your care, and with going to the funeral.

You can contact them on freephone 0808 800 3333 or helpline@scope.org.uk.

Was your brother getting care through a hospice? Hospices also often have bereavement teams that can support family members after their loss.

The hospice where my Mum died had a great support team that my Dad used -he still goes to a weekly support meeting there.

Hi Tlang,

That’s good to hear - I’m glad your dad is getting some support that helps him.

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