feb9th 2019 my dad died, March 19th my Hubby died April 14 friend died June 28th friend died, July 6th sister in law died , my emotions and feelings were suicudal, my emotional reserves were so low, I decided to take a different path, the days were long, the nights longer, the pain overwhelmed me, the loneliness enveloped me , my husbands loss I thought would kill me, watching my children and grandchild grief manifest itself in so many ways. I never thought I would be able to move forward, it is still so very hard , it was easier after I had got thru the firsts Xmas , birthdays, etc and now here I am 14 months on from hubbys death and I am beginning to see the beauty in things again. No one can tell you how to feel especially people hat have not suffered the same loss as you have, all my griefs for friends, family, dad and hubby were very individual , no one can tell ou to move on move forward but I wanted to say to people hang in there, you can learn to live with your loss and see the way forward, my hubby and I had a very clear path forward, I felt that I had to walk it alone and that I kept getting pushed off onto the grass until I realised I am still on that path I’m just learning to walk it a different way! X
Silverlady, you sound very positive and that is lovely. Yes we all have to learn to see the beautiful things in the world around us. When we fall into the grass, that grass can seem to tall for us to climb back up but we have to and get back on that path. Your loved ones who have left would be very proud of you but also pleased the way you are dealing with this new and very strange life. Keep going and please keep telling others that there is a way through this horrible thing called grief, we all need to be constantly told. Take care and look after yourself. xx
Hi. Silverlady. Now there’s a positive post. You have ‘weathered the storm’ and are now beginning to reap the benefits. It does take time and none of us can ever forget. Of course not. But we are still here, in spite of thinking we may not be! At this time of year we are surrounded by the beauty of nature in spite of present circumstances. To many newly bereaved it may sound so hollow at the moment for me to sound upbeat. Give it time. One day at a time. It’s hard road, but as you say, it does have a smoother path ahead.
No one should ever think that because, at the moment, it all seems so unreal, that there is something wrong with them. We all take it as it comes in our own way. You are lucky to have such a positive attitude. Your life to date has been very trying to put it mildly.
Yes folks, hang in there. There may come a time when you too can see life differently.
So very right Jonathan, it’s the worst road any of us have to go down and some days are harder than others. Personally, I will always be travelling on it but hopefully not falling into the long grass too often. Normal life has ups and downs but grief is something which is totally different. Keep smiling. Take care and think tomorrow is another day. Blessings S
Reading your posts you have given me a bit of hope for my future even though I have older children and a granddaughter I don’t see a future with out my husband of 35 years. It’s been 2 months now and seems harder every day x
Dear Kim, 2 months is such a short time but already you have glimmered a bit of hope for the future. I like that, because there is hope for the future. It’s been 3 years for me next month and I had no idea in the beginning how on earth I could possibly move forward. The sudden loss of my husband was more painful than I could ever have imagined. A physical pain, an emotional and mental anguish. We came as a pair. Like a salt and pepper set. How can you have one without the other? If the pepper pot breaks, it’s no longer whole, the set is broken. It’s just like that for us. One without the other just doesn’t work. 3 years on and it’s still painful but I have learnt to live with my pain, my loss. It has become a part of me. How I have got this far I cannot begin to tell you because I simply have no idea. But I have and I have done it with the love of my husband in my heart. My man remains as big a part of me as ever he was. I adore him. Stay strong Kim. Carry your man in your heart. Sending love xx
Kim, it’s very early days but because we don’t talk about either death or bereavement we have no idea what it’s going to be like or how long we are going to be feeling horrible. Yes life does improve and you have good days but you also have bad days but that’s life in general and at present the restrictions don’t help anyone. I can say you see the sunshine and the blue sky and say “I will bet this, life is worth living, even on my own”. I think the thing that did and still gets me is, life goes on, whether we like it or not. So those bad days seem to be really bad but you have to fight them and start feeling proud that you are getting through them. We are stronger than we think and bereavement makes you stronger. You will change from that person who had that very special person in your life and its up to you what you change into. It’s a funny old road we travel down which we call life. Take your time, baby steps but fight those sad thoughts because as the advert says ‘your are worth it!’. Bless you all. S
Hi Kate your message sounds just like me and my Ron. Having had a wonderful marriage of over 50 years we were just like you and your hubby like two peas in a pod. We knew what each other was thinking and what we would say in any situation. Ron died the same time as your hubby June but 2016 a year after our Golden Wedding which I know we were so lucky to have such good celebrations with the family. I love him more now than I ever thought I could. Like you I have learnt to live with my pain and just carry on. Love and hugs to you. xxx Carol xxxx
Hi there Silverlady, I am so pleased to hear from you again and have thought about you often. I always enjoyed a conversation with you. I don’t think any of us could have known what a tough time you have been through. You kept it well hidden.
Now you have come back to give that encouragement to others that are travelling this hard journey. I applaud you, you are an inspiration.
You are so right the beauty around us does appear again. Sometimes when we least expect it, when we think that light will never come back to us. Time does not heal but it does give us time to adjust to the heartbreak and learn to live with it. Just as Kate says we learn to live with the pain and get on with a life.
I hope the newly bereaved will read your post and it will give them some comfort for the future,
Thank you, today is our wedding anniversary, last year I was numb this year was a sadness so deep but I made a choice to do 5 positive things, it helped,. X thank you for your kind words x
Kim I found a recording that I made when I decided I didn’t want to be here but I found the strength to hang in there because of my children and grandchild, the recording didn’t sound like me the pain in my voice was hard to hear but I am 14months down the road and whilst it is not the life I wanted or expected, when my grandchild looks at me I find strength to move forward, it is early days fir you yet but you will begin to find strength in your memories and in your support system it only takes one listening ear. X
I went to a dark place but I have a stubborn streak a mile wide, I needed to get things straight in my head, I am in a much better place now. The memories of the time in the hospital have faded and now I celebrate the time I had with my hubby , I consider myself to be lucky that I had him rather than mourn the fact I had lost him, even that statement is incorrect as I haven’t lost him he’s in the very fibre of my being, the man was no saint and my god the situations he has put me in since he died, he would find amusement in but now I take joy from our memories. I posted as I remember a time that I thought others were wrong about feeling again. It is the hardest journey but you will get to a point of acceptance, once there you can move forward . I hope you are well X
Yes I am well and I think I can so relate to you. I also don’t feel I have lost my husband, he is as much a part of my life as ever and like you I am an extremely stubborn person that doesn’t like to lose. But when I started to accept things as they now are I found that I was beginning to make sense of what was happening. I now look for good things in my life and if you look hard enough that light is there and you begin to smile and even laugh again. Of course the tears still come but so what… I was told the first week of losing Brian that time would heal, well it hasn’t but it has given me time to adjust.
What a wonderful thing to do, it’s a great idea. All days that would have been celebration days are hard and I don’t think it gets easer, again I think we just learn to live with them. I shall remember 5 positive things. Thanks for that one. Take care but above all be kind to yourself. S
Xxx take care one step at a time, then you skip then you run to a future different but no less bright x