Camsmum

Managed to get through Christmas, cooking the dinner for 5 of us was a good distraction as for the past 7 years except covid year we have gone out. Since then gone down with the bug that’s going around and not feeling much better today. My 15 year old son still lives with me and I’ve got my two dogs, the one a new puppy in July, both are the joy of my life now and keep me busy which is what I’ve needed since losing my husband in may.

4 Likes

Hello @Lill,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you managed to get through Christmas. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

Hi @Lill
I’m so sorry for your loss, for both you and your family.
My Dad died when i was 15 and now at 51, I find myself grieving for my wonderful husband Martin and his mum who passed two days after him.
Distraction is the thing isn’t it? That perpetual swing between distraction and despair.

I don’t have children and i’m wary of giving any advice as we are all so different. So feel free to tell me sling my hook here !!! However, my 15 year old experience was that everyone around me focused on the distraction completely. It was a different time and that was the done thing. I’m sure there were thoughts of protecting me. But I wish I had witnessed the grief, been included in it. I wish people hadnt been so damn strong all the time.

I guess what I’m trying to say, very clumsily, is be kind to yourself and don’t feel you always have to be the strong one. Take care and sending you lots of love xx

1 Like

Thankyou for your kind words and I get what you are saying regarding been a 15 year old, it’s good to get advice from someone who went through the same as my son. We never hid anything from him and do I hope show the good and the bad and was hoping I was doing the right thing for his future and going by your experience I think we are doing the right thing as best as we know how.

1 Like

Hi @Lill

You sound to have done amazingly so far. I’m the same in that having to do things for others is my saving grace I think. My younger daughter, 24, has autistic spectrum disorder and a learning disability. She still needs a lot of input from me and I have become all too aware that my work to get her as independent as possible cannot be put on hold. We never know what can happen as many of us have experienced.

I do hope your son can feel free to express whatever he needs to as well. It can be so hard if they believe they will upset you so hide things. I’ve made sure I’ve told my daughter that it’s Dad dying which upsets me, not whatever music makes me cry, or what anyone says which brings on tears.

Sending love. xxx