Can anyone help?

Hi I lost my husband on the 11th October. On Sunday 9th Oct he clasped at home and was airlifted to the hospital he had a severe bleeding on the brain caused by a aneurism sadly they couldn’t operate due to the location of the aneurism. Then sadly we had to turn off the life surport machine on the 11th. I have 5 children under the age of 12 my husband was 45 and I’m finding it so hard to get my head around it as it happened so fast. Its like a nightmare i can’t wake up from… and I feel so lost and empty. I expect what happened but my head just can’t work it out. Has anyone else been in the same place as me and any advice? We been together nearly 14 years and married nearly 6. Losing him is the hardest lost I have had to deal with. I can’t sleep or eat my children keep me going and they truly are amazing but inside I’m braking. Thanks.

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@KarenD - the way your husband died is very similar to how my husband died. The shock of losing them so suddenly, without any warning, is so painful to deal with. Almost like it’s not really happening to you. How can it be? It makes no sense.
My husband was 10 years older than yours and my son is independent so your situation is doubly hard. You are trying to deal with your grief and also looking after and supporting your young family. I get support from my son, which helps me.
You must take time for yourself. Do you have other family and friends that will help? Lean on people and don’t expect too much in these early days.

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Hi Karen, I lost my Martin in August; he too had a massive brain bleed. My love had an AVM and it ruptured, he was only 47. I’m over three months into this journey and it’s the worst thing ever. We don’t have children, but I do have my brother and Martin’s family. I am so sorry for your loss… keep posting here; all these people are amazing… sending love x❤️

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Hello @KarenD,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I’m glad you have found us, but I am so sorry for the loss of your Husband that brings you here. I hope you find the community to be a support to you.

I’m sure our members will provide some great support to you, but I wanted to share a few resources with you that may help you right now.

Some other good places to get support for you and your children are;

-Winston’s Wish http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/ - for bereaved children and their families. (Online Community members should be 18 or over, but may be looking for advice on how to support children in their family with a loss): 08452 03 04 05

-Hope Again http://hopeagain.org.uk/ - supporting young people with bereavement

They offer support which you might find helpful.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Your loss sounds truly horrendous.
I can’t offer any other advice but to take one day at a time, be kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Thinking of you. { hugs} x

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Thank you for your reply. My family and friends have been amazing and just as stocked as me.
I feel cheated that I didn’t get to say good bye properly to him and I imagine growing old with him.
It’s just so hard but I’m glad I found this group to know that I’m not alone. The children keep me going but sometimes I need time to breath so night time is when I brake and cry.
My head and heart are in different places my head can’t get around the fact this has happened. Sending you big hugs and kisses. X

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I am also a widow. But unlike you my children are adults. I couldn’t get my head around this either. I joined a widows/ widowers group on Facebook. They don’t judge. They are in the same boat as you. I also bought second hand books about being a widow. Join a group based in the UK. My husband died 13 months ago. And today I started a grief journal. It let’s u pour out things u can’t talk about or say to other people. Even my adult boys. Don’t know if it will help. I hope so.

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Hi Karen D when I read your post I felt so sad for you such a young widow.I can only say that your children hopefully will keep you going.Having little ones is full on you will be trying your best for them.But if you can get a little time for yourself now and again if that’s possible whether with other people or even take yourself for a cuppa.All sounds so b…simple but it’s not .I am 11 years now a widow my only son was my support .I lost him earlier this year unbearable and devastating.Going over over in your head everything leading to our loved ones passing I find is one of the hardest things to cope with.I am so sorry I can’t give you any helpful advice but can send love and hugs.Keep posting on forum because we all understand.Marg xxxx

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I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. Is so hard isn’t it and I wish I could give you a big hug. Yes I’m 39 and it’s so very hard trying to get my head around it all. Thank you for your kind words xx

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Thank you I will look on Facebook and join too. I think I will do that as I try everything to help me and the children so I will pop to the shop tomorrow and look. Thank you for your kind words. X

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It’s so hard isn’t it but I’m so glad I joined this group. Sending big hugs and thank you for your kind words. X

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You are most welcome. Hope it helps? Sorry for late reply as my cousin came to tea.

Hi @KarenD
I’m so sorry to read your tragic story. My loss was sudden too as my 60 year old husband went out to play football and never came home. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you losing your husband so young and having your young family to look after.
My two daughters are aged 26 and 24 with the 24 year old still living with me, having a learning disability.

I too felt the total disbelief that Richard was dead. For me that is easing now after over six months. The grief is still very much present and it takes nothing to reduce me to tears but the disbelief is not currently a feature. There is no timeline for all this but thought it may help you to know that this aspect has eased for me.

I hope you will gain strength from knowing that you are needed by your precious family. You’ll get through this somehow. xxx

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Thank you so much. My son has autism and I will be honest I think all my children are but they have been amazing but I have been honest as I can be too.
They definitely keep me busy but sometimes I go outside for a brake and me time as I feel so very lost.
It’s so hard isn’t it and I’m sending you biggest hugs and kisses. I think I just have to keep going and take each day as it comes. It’s just like a nightmare and I think lots of that is shock. So sorry for your loss and just know your not alone xx

Thanks, @KarenD
My daughter has never been diagnosed with ASD but it’s the most likely explanation for a lot of her difficulties but not all.

You know your children best so you can judge better than anyone. They are all so precious and we simply need to be there for them. xxx

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We so do they need us but we need them too.
I know its going to be a long road ahead but I determined to do everything in my power to get them through it even if I’m crumbling inside. Xxx

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@KarenD

Good on you girl! :heart::heart:

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I can see you are stronger than you think
All my love and best wishes for the future for you and your children love Marg x x

My loss was truly unsuspect, My husband was a very young 66. And I know exactly what you’re going through.I just set there in a days for a couple of weeks. And my kids are grown, so I had that luxury .You don’t, You must participate every day, and move forward and show them that there’s life after dad. The one thing I can tell you is, When my husband died and disappeared out of my house ,I felt like I couldn’t talk about him, I don’t know why I felt that way. But in my mind it was like he was gone and he never existed I was so confused at what to do. I decided to bring him into everyday conversations, everyday activities . To remind my children and my self That daddy may have passed but he’ll always Live! in our lives. I discovered by adding him back to my daily conversation, even though it was painful at 1st, it Added back some normalness to my everyday life. It seems like when they die you just they’re gone so you quit talking about them, And in reality he was in every day part of your life for 14 years and he still a part of your life for the rest of it. So do talk to him like hes there do including in dinner conversation do Remind your children of what your husband like. You will feel better, Good luck.

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My husband died 13 months ago. I can’t say what I’ve done this year. But one thing I have just started is a grief journal. Yesterday was the first day I started. By the time an hour had gone I had written 4 a4 pages. Probably makes no sence to anyone else if they read it but it shore helped me. I just wrote what was on my mind.

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