Can’t believe he’s gone for good

My darling husband has been gone 6 months and I just can’t believe he’s gone and keep thinking he’ll come back even though I know he won’t. I’m currently having really bad days and find it hard to cope unless I’m busy. We were together 63 years. Because it was just before lockdown I’m staying with my daughter but have started going home at weekends. I have 3 lovely children and they have been wonderful but I feel so lost without my lovely Tony and I wonder if this pain will ever get easier.I have been told that I need make a new and different life now from the one we had together but where do I begin?

Hi Mary
I’m not so good as others on here with words of comfort. My thoughts on your post were mainly that you’re so brave and generous sharing your feelings so candidly. I am so pleased that you have so much love and support in your life; how lucky they are to have a strong mum like you. I know though that regardless of support that it doesn’t and won’t stop you longing for the one person that’s gone, your dear husband. What’s helping me to get through the hours, days and weeks is staying in the present, grounding myself, and not getting too far ahead or making any crazy plans or worrying about what life should be like in the future. I find that it helps to be with my daughter, watching the birds or walking in the sunshine and enjoying that moment for exactly what it is rather than thinking too far ahead. There is a lot of beauty and goodness around and you’ll find a way to come through this in a way that’s right for you. Hope is, I think, all we need. Sending you a lot of love. X

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Hi Cat. So you are not good at words of comfort? Think again! If your post is not very comforting then I don’t know what is. Thank you and Blessings. John.

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Hi. Mary and Welcome. If you read Cat’s message she just about says it all. It’s a long time to be together and I do know! I don’t believe in the thought that they are gone. They are still with us in Spirit if not in bodily form, but I realise that’s a very personal opinion. I often think that the years my wife and I had together were happy ones. She would not want me to be miserable about her passing. It’s 20 months now since it happened and I still have my moments, but it does get better. Going home will be difficult for a while because of the emptiness, but even that can pass.
‘A new life’. That may well be, but six moths is so little time to be thinking about that. For the moment you still need to grieve in your own way and your own time. When you feel ready you can, maybe, look ahead. It’s so good you have support. It’s essential at such times. Although we may feel we want to be alone, going it entirely alone is not an option. That’s why you are here among those who understand only too well what you are going through.
You have reached out and I am sure you will get more replies from the lovely folk on here.
Take care and come back and talk to us if you feel the need. Blessings. John.

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Hello Mary, wise words from Cat and John. It’s just 13 weeks since my wife passed so I am not in a strong position to offer additional comfort.
We met as teenagers and were together for 59 years and I can’t believe she’s gone. It just doesn’t seem possible. My brain tells me it’s true but my heart cannot accept it. If I don’t keep busy I turn into an emotional wreck, and it’s getting worse with time, as you will know. How could I possibly make a new life when the best half of me is missing?
It’s good you have 3 lovely children and they will give you the strength to cope with the future. My best wishes are with you through this desperate struggle. AL x

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Thank you for your lovely reply your words mean a lot me. I am not very good at writing down what I am feeling but your words made a lot of sense and I will try to put them to use

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Hi Johnathan thank you for your reply your words and Cats are a big comfort to me. As lockdown came only a few weeks after Tony passed away I feel my grief has been delayed and it’s hitting me really hard now, I have been living with my daughter in Cambridge but am now coming home for a few days each week to get me used to coming home for good but walking through the front door is awful but it is getting a bit better, I feel closer to Tony in our home we made together. Regards Mary

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Mary1 it must be so hard for you returning to your and Tony’s home after all these weeks. You have not even had time to process the fact that he is not there with you as you have been staying with your daughter. Do take things slowly and be kind to yourself. John and I were married for 40 years and its our wedding anniversary on the 14th. You and Tony had such a long and happy marriage as well. Why they had to be taken from us I will never understand.

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Hello Al thank you for your kind reply I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your wife and completely understand the pain and grief you must be going through after all those years together as this is what I’m going through at the moment, but we do have our memories of all the happy times to help us get through awful time. Mary