Can’t believe it’s true…

I lost my husband of 29yrs, 6 weeks ago today. I have spent the day constantly crying. He had a terminal diagnosis in 2019, CA bowel which he had thought he’d beat in 2011, but a small metastasis had gone to his liver and grown quietly in this time. He asked his gp to check his cancer markers to set his mind at ease which came back above 200.
He fought so hard to stay alive but died at home with me and my son present. I was so strong for him while he was I’ll. I could cope with anything while he was still with me, but I just can’t come to terms with him gone. We loved each other so much, but we could argue as well. I hate being in our house, I feel so scared at night on my own. I’m also petrified of facing any future alone. I feel very very self centred. He has lost his life and I’m just worried about me. The saddest part of this is that he missed the birth of his first grandchild by 27 days. It difficult for all of us as a family, although the baby has brought some light in this dark period, I don’t think I am enjoying the event as much as I would if my husband was by my side. To be honest I don’t know how I feel anymore.


I have just read your post and know exactly how you are feeling.
My husband and I loved each so much too, but we could argue and had our moments.
I too felt as though I could do anything because he was with me and we were a solid team.
Now all that has been swept away.
Today has not been a good day…and I have felt very emotional.
I too dont want to face the future.
You are not being selfish atall.
It is natural to feel the way you feel.
One thing I can say to you is that there are so many people on this site who feel the same way as you do.
The feelings can be overwhelming.
They come to me when I stop ‘keeping busy’, but you cant be busy all the time.
I try to take one hour as it comes now, not even one day.
Friends I thought I could rely on, and who have relied on me so much in the past are no longer in my life. Others who I have not known for as long, are …but I have learnt a bitter lesson about being too intense and too accommodating.
I am by no means the person I was.
My heart goes out to you in so many ways.
Keep reaching out to this site…

Sending a big hug to you…


I was thinking of getting a rescue dog…
A dog depends on you, and is something to love and focus on…
If you dont want to commit I believe there are schemes to foster dogs for the weekend…

Just a thought…take care


Thank you for your reply, it does help to know I’m not the only one going through this.
I know my husband would hate to see me like this.
I have my little dog, he was so adored by my husband. It was difficult getting him to agree to having a dog but he was great company for him while I was working. They really bonded. He misses his daddy so much, and was with him until the end, either on or under the bed.
I really appreciate you replying, it’s certainly helped.

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Hello Sandan75,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder also offers the following online bereavement support which might be of interest to you:

  • An online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. If you feel some one-to-one support may be useful, you can find more information about the service here:
  • A recently launched Grief Guide which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, visit

Take care - keep reaching out,


Online Community team

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Thank you, I am receiving texts which help.

Just to let you know that the self help link isnt working. Thanks. Vicki

Hello again Sandan…
So sorry …
I shouldn’t have just presumed that you didn’t have a dog…

I am glad that I helped in a small way…

Keep posting when you need to on this site…

kindest regards…

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It changes everything, every single aspect of your life - everything hurts, everything is so sad, from his coffee mug to his book sitting by his bedside still. I will never get used to my husband not being here by my side, I will never get used to being without him. He is just too much to miss & he is missing so many things. There is no joy in my life and no will in me to find it. It left when he did.


Dear @Sandan75 I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I lost my husband 9 weeks ago and I have felt most of the things you are experiencing. it’s overwhelming to suddenly be on your own after such an emotional journey with cancer. I too was scared and didn’t know which way to turn but support from kind people in this forum and a couple of friends is helping me get through some awful dark days. I cry when I need to and hug my memory bear made from my husbands dressing gown.
There’s no plan in any of this, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other each day. Be kind to yourself cancer is cruel and you need time to recover from the devastation it has left behind
Jen x

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Thank you, is good to hear other peoples experiences, not that I would want anyone to go through this, unfortunately people do. Some days are better than others, but everyday I have horrible pain in the middle of my chest, a feeling of dread inside at another day without him x

I can totally relate to this, his toothbrush is exactly where he left it. I try to do everything the way he would want them to be done. Im also scared of any financial issues as he always covered everything and kept me safe.

Hi @Sandan75 I have just read your profile it is so similar to mine. My partner had a farm accident he nearly broke every bone in his body he was 76 and recovered to only die four months later with heart failure he was so depressed not being able to get out of bed thankfully he came home for one month which I treasure as he died here. The loneliness without him is unbearable and I just want to be with him but I am not sure if that really happens.


I had similar pains when my husband of 40 years die. I have been having acupuncture and the pain has lifted. If I feel tightness in my chedt again I call for another session. I think it us the shock of what happened. I took my husband to A and E and he was dead 2 weeks lare. I was not allowed in to hospital with him until he was dying in ICU. I have now had to have an investigation into his death at the hospital as no condultant was will ing to sit down and answer my questions after he died. I hope to hear back from them thus week after 6 months and I have been continuously crying for around 4 dats now in between putting on a brave face fir my grandson, and childrens Birthdays. Talking about it all seems to help for a bit however vey few oeople want to hear what happened . Or see me upset. What a repressed society we live in !!


Sorry for ur loss I feel the same so alone in this world big hugs

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Hi @Maigret I agree with your sentiments entirely. Nothing more to say.X