Darrell passed away 6 weeks today at 9.02 am every sunday at 8.45 i come and sit in the room where he passed at home and talk to him tell him im sorry i couldnt save him that i fought to keep him alive how much i love and miss him i just cant breath x jo xx

Oh Jo, I am so sorry you are suffering. I know what it’s like to feel guilty, even though rationally you know you couldn’t have done anything, the what ifs…and if onlys…
It’s destined to drive you crazy with anxiety and sorrow. It’s apparently a common issue in the early days of grieving. I spoke at length with my counsellor about it and I still struggle to come to terms with all the crap that I witnessed and tried to ‘fix’. It’s not helpful when when you’re a control freak like I am. Perhaps you are the same.
I was getting s lot of anxiety attacks and felt I couldn’t breathe. I was told to try 7/11 breathing. Inhale for 7, and exhale for 11 seconds. Hard to do when panicking but trying concentrates the mind a little.
I talk to Glen most days and apologise a lot for anything and everything I did or didn’t do over our 24 years. It’s so sad we have to feel this way. We both had lovely partnerships. How unfair! Our poor men.
I’ve got counselling tomorrow. Having had a very black few days I think she’ll think I’m a lost cause.
I hope you’ve calmed a little since your post. I’m thinking of you.
Sleep well xx

hi Belladoo stomach is churning and keep nipping the loo its nerves i think just cant get my head atound anything even the slightest little bump feels like a mountain x i hooe you go on ok with you councillor tomorrow will think of you take care love joxx

I’ll soldier on. I am worried about you. Do you have some support?

hi belladoo my son lives with me hes 17 and at college today . just sitting here crying what so desperately to hear Darrells voice and to let me know hes here and hes ok im sitting in the front room talking to his ashes and thinking is this all im left with wheres my sweetheart gone and why x hope you go on ok with councillor today xx take care xx

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