Can’t deal anymore

Just new to group.
I lost my Mam 6 years ago. Time has not healed in fact has made me feel worse.
I felt complete when she was in my life. She could make me feel better whatever the situation. Now my life also has a huge void, it’s like the best part of me is gone. I truly think I will never be happy again. I’ve done counselling, meds etc but nothing will make me feel better except having her in my life. My husband is not supportive but my 2 adult daughters and amazing friends are great but I don’t think they really know how I feel. I’ve recently been put on sick from work( 2 months ago) as I felt I was falling apart and although not suicidal just felt I did not want to be here anymore. As a strong person who has always had people rely on me I feel so weak pathetic embarrassed even. Can’t see the end of this. Surely my life isn’t going to be like this forever.
I’ve ran away to Turkey to work in a dog shelter I’m heavily involved with. Was going to come for a week and now been here 4 weeks with still no flight booked to go home. I’m dreading going home, it’s where feelings are real and don’t think I can deal with it

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Dear @Bev62

I am sorry to hear you are still struggling. When you arrive back home from Turkey I would book an appointment with your GP for support and help.

When you do go back to work I would chat to your Line Manager and ask to be referred to Well Being (Occupational Health) and get the support you need. You are not weak and not pathetic, grief has no time limits and is a rollercoaster of emotions. Everything you are going through is normal.

Continue to reach out here and connect with members under the topic Losing a parent who have experienced what you are going through.

I do hope you arrive home safely and what an amazing person you are to work in a dog shelter abroad. Take care.