Can’t go on

I lost my husband in February due to Glioblastoma, 10 days after we were married in the hospice. I struggling so much, At night I eventually fall asleep then when I wake up I’m so upset that I’m still here to face the grief for another day. Having to relive another day of pain and grief I feel mentally and physically exhausted. Every time I go to work I have to put this front on and not show how I’m feeling. Feel so alone and so much sadness. I struggled when I lost my first husband to cancer many years ago and to find love again helped with that loss but to now to have lost him too is far too much to understand and cope with. I wonder why I’m still here. I know things will get easier but just don’t know when that will be. The lockdown has been hard even though I’ve still had to work (oncology staff) my family and friends haven’t been around much due to the restrictions and if it wasn’t for a small handful of people I really don’t know what I would do. It’s hard so hard

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Hi Kardonmay, how very sad that you have had so much to live through and working in oncology department means there’s no place to hide. The virus has made things so very much harder to deal with grieving and not having people around who would normally help is devastating. As you say about it getting easier but never going away but it takes time and it is still early days for you, we always say we must be kind to ourselves but in those early days it’s very difficult and from your own experience you will understand and know how hard those early days are. The restrictions are being lifted so please take full advantage to meeting with the people who will help you but also being careful because your own immune system may be low due to you grieving. Keep posting everyone on this site knows just what you are going through and will give you lots of support. Take care of yourself. xx

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The pain of loss every day is exhausting. I suddenly lost my wife at 53 in may and it’s a constant struggle. I totally understand your feelings and how you putting in a face at work but inside you are screaming and it feels like your heart is being ripped apart.
It’s a feeling I was not expecting yet.
Just keep yourself safe.

Thank you. Today has been a particularly hard day. I was sent home from work as couldn’t function well. I was looking for a sample of handwriting from my husband to get engraved on a charm. I found many cards addresses to “my wife” from my first husband who died at the age of 35 but I couldn’t find any of my second husband as despite being together for many years we had only been married for 10 days before he died age 56. A little thing of not getting any cards with “wife” on from now on is so upsetting and my heart is broken so much. I never knew at the age of 50 I would be so alone and a widow twice over. The kids are grown up and all live separate lives so feel I haven’t got anyone I can open up with. Life is so cruel and unfair.
I’m very sorry to hear of your loss and my heart and thoughts go out to you x

I totally understand how your feeling. I wish things were so different. But we are unable to change what has happened. Keep well and use here to share how you feel. Often that’s what gets me through the day and night.

Hello Kardonmay been a few days, I have been occupied with our own events , I am so sorry for your situation and I wish I had an answer.
Hang on you do, us we band of misfits, this group of people, names that includes you, have rallied to lift me after my comments on here. Why are you still here, okay good question, I would love to here the answer on the chase, or tenable, or have a smart answer from Alexander Armstrong on the aptly named pointless. The only show where you win with the answer no one else got, but its on a list somewhere.
Last Thursday my Helen accompanied the family on her outing to the crematorium, the days following consistently had either sobbing or sleeping that was not the refreshed type. I can offer my thoughts and virtual hugs, and as a 63 year old xxl sized fellow, thats a big hug. Hugs May, and love.

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