Can’t sleep

Here I am again awake at half two, can’t sleep thinking of the night he died, so restless and agitated I soothed him, said the nurses have given you something to take the pain away you can sleep now and he would drift back of, little did I know it was our last night together, did I do enough ? I can’t get my head around how quickly it all happened and before I knew it it was the end, so much we didn’t say and now I’m bereft, left with nothing but memories, rest in peace my darling xx

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Hi MAB
I’m awake too as I often am at this time of night. I should think hundreds of us bereaved partners are. It all feels worse in the middle of the night doesn’t it- the sadness and our thoughts just going round and round with nobody to share them with. I feel particularly alone in my grieving at night. My lovely darling partner Sunny was in ITU and I wasn’t with him when he died, which will forever be a terrible extra loss for me. MAB, know that your love and care of your husband at the end will have helped him so much and your presence made him much less anxious- hold that in your heart.
Lots of love x

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This is what happened to my wife,given pain relief daily sometimes many times a day,she was drugged up the last few days could hear her properly,then the final day she passed away in my arms so quickly I was in shock,they never warned me that it mught be her last day I was just not prepared for it.Now I have the images of her and the nightmares of that day and it will not go away,I also cannot sleep even with the pills from the Doctor,eating is difficult too.What sort of life is this all alone.Michael.

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Hi Mickeyboy31, Try not to concentrate on her passing, remember the lives you shared. My husband died suddenly, in hospital but we weren’t there and I beat myself up about it for a long time, until I realized, I couldn’t possibly have said anything like goodbye to him because I didn’t want him to go, so maybe fate was being kind to me after all. I sure your wife knew you were with her, try to be thankful for that, and concentrate on the good times, I know it’s not easy. Take care x

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I just cannot help it,it was so hard to watch her slip away,so quick ,I was not ready to let her go ,she now haunts me every day and night.I miss her so much ,I cry all day every day for her,she was all I wanted in this life and now she is gone and I do not know how to cope with this terrible grief I am going through,it hurts like hell,the pain ,the anguish just never goes away,I just do not want to go on without her there is no point anymore.Wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up,yes I know there is a way to do that but it takes courage and mine has all gone.Why did she have to die like that ,that evil cancer destroys lives and families.It has destroyed me and mine.Michael.

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Hi @Mickeyboy31, it sounds like you’re having a really hard day today and I’m so sorry to hear how much pain you’re in. You’re not alone here and I hope talking to other members in this community that are experiencing some of the same thoughts and feelings is bringing some comfort.

It sounds like some of the thoughts you’re having might be quite overwhelming so I just wanted to check in and let you know that there are places to turn if you need to talk to someone urgently. The Samaritans are there 24/7 on 116 123, or you could contact your GP to talk about what support they can offer.

Take care,
Eleanor

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I think back now to our conversations and know that we were gradually saying goodbye because we were already on separate roads, sleeping top to toe, eating separately and stints in hospital where I wasn’t allowed to visit but we couldn’t face the ultimate recognition of death so never went there, I have often thought if only we had more time but I still think our conversations wouldn’t have been any different, we cried together and shared our loss of our life as we knew it and were both scared of what both our futures held, special moments xx

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