Can you still have a happy life?

I’ve been re- reading lots of posts and my heart goes out to everyone who is still suffering through the loss of their soulmates. My journey is only 10 days in and my heart literally feels broken. I miss my amazing husband and my kids amazing dad so much.
I guess I’ve started this thread in the hope of positive messages from those of you who have managed to move forward towards some kind of ‘normal’ happy life with or without new partners.

2 Likes

Hi @TJ14 . Really sorry that this has happened, its very early days and you will be in emotional turmoil. It really hurts, doesnt it. I remember it well!!
I guess it feels like it will stay like this for the rest of your life, but it really won’t, promise.
Im 12 months in and realise that what I read was true, in that grief is normal, and it is a journey we have to travel through, and it takes time.
We come through it, though.
As usual, Im sat here writing as I look at a photo of Penny, feeling pretty happy that I was able to share 50 years of my life with her. I have an odd emotional moment, and always will. Its now just another chapter in my life.
So dont despair, just battle on, optimistic that grief has an end, but it takes time.
Little steps!!
Good luck. Keep talking to us all, if you need your positivity tank filling up.

3 Likes

Thank you tykey, it all feels so bleak at the moment, so it’s good for my heart to know that it has a chance of healing. I don’t want to forget my Rich or the wonderful ordinary life we had. I just need to know that it’s possible to find a new normal that’s not agony to live. T x

1 Like

Bleak pretty much sums it up. Abraham Lincoln had a wonderful saying. “This too shall pass!” He was right.
In these early days, I cried a lot, and allowed the emotions to flow.
We have regrets, anger, terror etc etc all taking turns to upset us. In time, our brains learn to manage them and make sense of it all.
The main strategy for me was to collect hugs and to talk about it to whoever would listen ,(and a few who didnt!!)

When I came back into our house, the day she died, I made four promises.

  1. To give our dogs the best life possible
  2. To not have "no go " areas. I would sit in “her” chair every evening, and tell her about my day, and what her dogs had got up to.
    3,) To not have a shrine
  3. To not have a traditional funeral, but have a private cremation and a later celebratory party.

Hang in there, use your friends (thats what friends are for!)

I’ve often muttered ‘this too shall pass’ to get me through the rough patches in life. So it makes absolute sense it should apply now.
Your promises are fantastic- I’ve actually moved to my husband’s ‘spot’ on the sofa and can’t image having a shrine to him, he would tell me to get a grip! He would have put his grief in a box and got it out periodically so that’s what I’m going to try to do, it’s just to painful and exhausting having it wrapped around me all the time.
Thank you for sharing, you have eased my pain a little x

2 Likes

@TJ14 I’m sorry for your loss. In the early stages it truly does feel like you’ll never get through it but somehow we do. Just take things one day at a time.
I’m 13 weeks into this awful journey. Things do get easier. The pain is still there, and I cry daily, but it’s not as all consuming as it was in the beginning.
I think learning to live without the person you wanted to spend the rest of you life with is the hardest part. And it’s the part that unless your in the same position can never understand. I have found this forum really helpful as we are all on the same pathway and truly understand what it’s like.
I have read a lot about grief and one things I have learned is that we don’t ever get over grief, we learn to live with it. I know understand what they mean. I think we can find a new happy life but it will take time.
Take care Janine x

8 Likes

@Doughtyj @Lonely @tykey @TJ14
Thank you for some positive messages. I am 4 weeks in and the funeral is tomorrow. I was lucky enough to meet my darling Pete when i was 15 and he was 17. We had 50 years together but it was not enough. We were just about to retire and his sudden death has broken my heart. I will do my best tomorrow and after but no-one will look after and care for me as he did. He was the wind beneath my wings. I miss him so much. Sending all you lots of love

11 Likes

Thank you Janine for taking the time to comfort and reassure me. It means such a lot. Take care x

1 Like

I’m hoping in time the 30 years we shared will give me comfort rather than pain. It’s hard to remember life before him and unimaginable what is to come. Like you said I’m 53. There’s the possibility I’ve a long time to exist without him. X

3 Likes

Freefaller I’m so very sorry we are sharing this horrific pain. Please take care xx

It is so hard right now. I’m 65 days in with mixed emotions, happy memories, but sad future without my beloved Keefy and I don’t know what I will do. I find it hard as I will have to leave our home and start again somewhere, so I have added pressure and stress. But, what I wanted to say is that my husband Keith lost his first wife very suddenly within 2 weeks of being diagnosed with leukemia. 3 years later I met Keith, we hit it off straight away and fell totally in love, a real fairy tale. This, was 12 years ago, we bought our paradise home almost 5 years ago and have loved every si gle minute of our lives together. We got married not quite 2 years ago and I am extremely proud to be Keiths wife and we loved each other to bits. So yes it is possible to carry on and find happiness and love again, the next chapter in our lives as we move on. Sadly now it’s my turn. Yes life can be sh**! But there are still good times to be had ahead of us all. I’m devastated and heartbroken, but I know one day I will meet someone else and love them for different reasons and ways, but I will never forget the love I have for my Keefy.

2 Likes